H-a-I-e-y I-o-n-g.
"You will succeed at what you set out to accomplish today."
Hee hee. We're all aware of that, paper thingy.
Let's do Jake.
No, let's... J-a-k-e I-o-n-g.
"Today is love's new dawn."
Good thing you used extra hair gel this morning.
She'll stick to you long enough to see past the obvious flaws.
Ok. You can put your stupid fortune teller thing away now.
It's not stupid, it's science.
Paper plus ink plus girls' intuition
equals mystic truth.
[Cooing]
See? Love is in the air.
It's a sign.
It's a coincidence.
Man: Hey!
My kids love balloons!
Ok. 2 coincidences.
Now, come on.
Try not to be such a smart... whoa!
Oh, man. I'm so sorry.
I didn't see... whoa!
No prob, dude. Care for a sample
of colonel cupid's cosmic caramel corn?
You'll fall in love with the flavor!
Is there really something to this girls' intuition stuff?
Huh?
Ok. I'll call that a yes.
It's not like Rose is coming back anytime soon.
She's got no memory of what we used to have together.
Maybe fate's telling me to move on,
find someone new.
I don't know about fate, jakey,
but I do know your timing is all biscuits and gravy.
You could be the first to sign up
for a little something something
my co-president spud and I are putting together.
"The first annual Fillmore charity bachelor auction
"to support hungry puppies and people who get sick
when they play video games in a moving car"?
We couldn't agree which cause was more worthy of support.
It's a bachelor auction, jakey.
You just sign up and the ladies will line up.
I guess maybe there's no fighting it.
Hook me up with a pen, spud.
Looks like fate says it's a good day for love.
[Squawking]
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast, he's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American dragon ♪
♪ He's the American dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, g? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin' ♪
♪ American dragon ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector from the N.Y.C. ♪
♪ American dragon ♪
[Drum roll]
[Orchestra playing]
♪ It's the first annual Fillmore charity bachelor auction ♪
♪ To support hungry puppies and people who get sick ♪
♪ When they play video games in a moving car ♪
Yeah, yeah. Real catchy. Bring on the mens.
[Cheering]
[Music playing]
Y'all know the rules.
Because you'll get your guy for one romantic week.
He'll carry your books to class,
cook you a candlelight dinner...
"Save you from the jealous clutches
"of the secretly evil eye-patched twin,
"who faked his own death,
to steal you way during carnival season."
Yeah. All my romantic research
comes from Brazilian soap operas.
And at the end of the week,
every couple gets a special invitation
for our black tie gala
at the Manhattan medieval museum.
Or as I call it, the mmmmm.
Come on! Let me hear
that bling jingle jangle, ladies!
It's time to get your bids on!
[Screaming]
$19? That's all the love you got
for Mr. Nigel thrall of the u.K.?
Speak me some British, boyfriend.
[British accent] I... Am... Nigel.
[All sigh]
19! 20! 21!
I got Frederick for 4 bucks.
Going once, going twice...
Yes! See, mom! I told you someone would want me.
Ahem. Uh, bro, that was your mom.
I didn't think he'd go for that much.
Another round for Frederick's mom.
13.30!
7.75!
17.25 over there!
Sold for a combined $52
to the entire varsity cheer squad!
All: Yay, Fred!
Yeah!
[Applause]
Ok. You ready, jakey?
There's still some cute ones left out there, right?
Excuse me. I thought you were letting fate pick your new boo.
So, what if that goes for a girl
with more heart than hotness?
Ha. I think fate knows what I like.
Uh! Well, come on in, playa man. Let's...
Ok. I wasn't planning on doing this,
but I can't deny you ladies
my spudnificence one moment longer!
Oh, somebody call the cowboy,
because there is about to be an exit door stampede.
Shall we start the bidding at, say,
50 big ones?
[Girl coughs in background]
Going once, going twice... Uh... ok.
How about 50 dime-arinos?
50 nickel-idoos?
Did I mention we accept Canadian money?
Why are you all looking at me, eh?
That's a bid. She bid. Sold!
Yeah. That was totally a bid. Sold.
Oh, you are going to most definitely pay
actually, you're the one that has to...
Moving on! Jake long, everybody!
What's up, ladies?
Bidding starts at $5.00.
$5.00! 6!
7!
$22!
Oh, and we're down to 2 bidders, folks.
I've got $22 from swim team captain Danika hunnicut.
Commander, I pledge 23 credits
for the Jake head humanoid.
And hanging right in there
is the captain of the Sci-Fi trivia match,
Vicki fickling!
24!
25! 26!
27! 28!
Ruckus spleneen!
It's delorvean for 29.
I... I've only got 28.
Looks like fate knows a little more than you do, huh?
$29. Going once, going twice.
The real criminal is principal hans rockwood!
[Gasps]
[Speaks German]
Please make this.
Ow!
I... i-i-i-i don't know what he's...
Uh, yeah, people.
If it's a crime to boogie,
then that man is public enemy number fun!
[All talking at once]
Well, I do throw down a mean shutflatler.
[Singing in German]
Uh, anyway, $29, going once, going twice...
$33!
Girl: He's not that cute.
Will you accept a sortrum orp?
33 going once, going twice,
sold to the lovely Danika hunnicut!
Ah!
Ohh.
Mmm.
The bradster's worth every penny.
So, uh, you and me, huh?
Now, how exactly is this supposed to... whoa!
Excuse us a second, miss backstroke.
I saw what you did!
You own Vicki fickling a romantic week,
you cheap, shallow, lowdown! You... ooh!
What? Fate's trying to hook me up with a new boo.
That's obviously Danika hunnicut.
Oh, really? Well, it looked to me like fate
was sweet on Vicki fickling
up in its grill. Do you know how broken hearted that girl must be?
Salutations, celestial life forms.
I just wanted to give my blessings
to the happy couple. Mazel tov.
Rock huzzle ock ock. And all that.
Ear drainage. I get otitis externum real bad.
Oh! Time for a eary lifto.
Anyhoo, woodster. Let me talk to that lovely lady.
Oh, jakey, you know nothing about women.
She's obviously covering the pain
in a mask of smiles and alien mumbo jumbo.
What is it with you boys never looking past surface appearances?
Yeah. I got to spend a week with Trixie.
You don't hear me complaining.
That's right. I got your back, girlfriend.
I'm looking forward to our week together.
And you best believe I'm going to get
my 50 nickels' worth out of you.
[Grunting] I'm only supposed to do romantic requests.
So put some Booty shake in it, Romeo.
[Grunting]
[Chuckles]
Uh, trix, why are you chuckling evilly?
So, tomorrow morning?
Sounds great.
So... pretty pretty.
So... yahoo!
Yeah-ha!
I'm in love! I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love!
[Horn honks] Aah!
Jake! Whoa!
What the heck just happened?
I... I don't know.
You're way overreacting here.
Quiet! Put this under tongue.
[Muffled chatter]
And then suddenly you're playing dodge bus?
I told you, I just got excited.
It appears you may be having siren trouble, young dragon.
Mind-meltingly beautifious babes from the sea.
And then they'll start using their hypnotic mind powers,
into more and more dangerous situations,
oh, that's the end of you!
Time to move on to her new man.
No, I wish I didn't love them so much.
Well, I haven't met any girls
so I think your magical diagnosis is a little...
Swim team captain, jakey?
You don't think it's all making Danika look
look, I heard music and started acting a fool.
Isn't that what it's supposed to be like
don't you people believe in love at first sight?
Oh, at least 6 times a day. Ooh!
Then could you just trust me?
I've got a good feeling about this one.
Not as long as he's doing all his thinking
with his kissy face.
Heard that.
Maybe the kid's right.
But I'll see what I can find on siren detection.
You and spud will keep an eye on him then?
Actually, spud's kind of busy right now.
Trixie! I think there's a family of raccoons here!
I'm going to name the daddy bubbly mouth
but I think I know somebody else who might want to help me out.
So, what's the big surprise?
Just something I like to call robesky.
Romantic, athletic, and funky.
You know me so well already.
Must have been fate, huh?
Clear out for the roller derby practice!
This week, we lost to the seventh Avenue valkery!
Dang! You want to go get some ice cream
and come back later when it's not so much trouble?
Gee, Jake, you always seem like the kind of bad boy
who liked trouble.
Yeah. I like trouble.
Pretty, pretty trouble.
Aah! Whoa!
Hey, ladies! Let's roll!
Aah!
Uhh!
Huh-uhh!
Uhh-ahh!
[Grunting]
Wow. Are you ok?
I don't know what happened to me.
I can't keep from showing off sometimes, I guess.
Must be a guy thing, huh?
Trixie: Well, my goodness.
Look who else is at our favorite skating rink,
friend Vicki and serving boy spud.
Would it help if I apologized
for implying you're not attractive?
Mmm... not really.
Grape.
Mmm!
Uh, what are you guys doing here?
Fanning the flames of fate, my friend.
Vicki, why don't you show us your stuff
while spud runs laps and does my algebra homework?
Aye-aye, sir.
Ah!
I'll go look for a first aid station.
What is going on, Trixie?
I told you! You owe me,
and I'm going to make sure she gets everything
you tried to cheat her out of.
Dates, romance, gala finale at the museum.
Who knows? Maybe she really is the one fate picked out for you.
That's just because you're stuck on her outward appearance.
I know she's not your standard Princess doll,
but if you'll let me show off her inner beauty and talents...
Ooba, ooba, ooba. Scree!
Al-la-la-la-la-la!
Uh, trix? Thanks for the show.
But I'm still going to pass.
Yo, girl, I thought you said you danced like an ice Princess.
That's exactly how Princess kirana of the ice planet
jole thorpe prime would do it.
He doesn't like me, does he?
What?! Girl, don't be...
It's ok. Most people don't.
You get used to it.
[Buzzing]
See you around school.
Not that you have to if you don't want to.
You wave first so I'll know, ok?
Voila! Fresh from mega's bazaar!
One standard issue efm recorder.
Enchanted frequency modulation.
Picks up all the magical wavelengths.
If there really is siren singing going on,
it'll record the proof.
I'll do it! If that's ok with you, beautiful goddess of...
Is talking going to decheese my piggies?
No, ma'am.
Aah!
[Dong]
[Screaming]
[Yawning]
[High-pitched sound]
[Both gasp]
[High-pitched sound]
Well, what do you think?
All: So pretty, pretty.
[All screaming]
Is that proof enough for you, casa-no-brain?
Ok, that is definitely some siren singing.
Well, thank you.
It's about time... So, the question now is...
Who's trying to frame my new lady?
What?! You guys don't know Danika
like I've gotten to know her this week.
She can't be a siren.
I'd know it if she was.
I am sorry, Jake,
we will alert the dragon council for a formal investigation.
It's the last night of the bachelor auction week!
We're supposed to go to the medieval museum.
Look, I don't mean to put you out
but maybe if you hadn't been so shallow, you would be going.
I like the pretty girl better than a super freak?
So everybody's got to come down on me?
Women are like Sushi rolls, kid.
It's always the pretty looking ones
that'll set your guts on fire...
[Gurgling]
Excuse me.
Ok. You're right... All of you.
I've been selfish, shallow, and blind.
I'll call Danika and tell her it's off.
Trix, if you still got extra tickets for tonight,
I'm willing to find out if me and Vicki were meant to be.
Wow. I was not expecting that call
you're not under the control of a glorbian brainworm, are you?
Ha ha ha. Yeah.
Well, I wasn't really fair with you before,
and it's not just because Danika's sick.
Yeah. Sorry to hear about that.
I could suggest some holistic techniques I...
No! I mean, I should probably call her myself,
make sure she's ok.
Excuse me a minute.
Danika?
I'm here, Jake.
Wow!
But there's no way my grandpa would let me come if he knew.
Are you kidding? Forbidden love is so romantic.
I figure if I'm not willing to take some risks,
you don't deserve love.
Take... risks.
You just never know when it's going to be the real thing. You know?
That forever, take the plunge kind of real.
Take the plunge.
Must go over the edge.
Pretty, pretty.
Jakey! Jake!
Oh, I think you know exactly what's going on here, Sally siren song.
Hey, spud, work that thing.
[High-pitched sound]
Bingo! The necklace is red hot!
I... I trusted you.
What are you doing with this thing?
I swear! Vicki gave it to me after the auction
to prove there were no hard feelings.
I knew your friends didn't like me,
without even asking me my side of the story,
how could you?! [Sobbing]
Like a siren has to be some oompha la la cutie mama or something?
We could've been great together, Jake.
Like the perfectly aligned hyrelian twin moons.
Eech. Good call picking the other one.
There's no way I'd let that little swim chickie take you.
I almost felt bad giving her the necklace.
It's just easier to use pretty girls.
People always assume they're evil anyway.
But it looks like I'll have to finish this one myself.
I don't think so.
Dragon up!
Whoa! Dragon.
Do I know how to pick them or what?
Guess I should stop holding back then, huh?
[Screaming]
[Grunting]
Whoa! That's some powerful... eek!
So pretty pretty. So pretty pretty.
Thank you. Now destroy each other.
You think you're pretty slick with the boys, huh, sister?
But how you going to get with the girl power?
Aah! She's hurting me!
[Growling]
Ohh. Snizap! Excuse me!
Gotta bounce!
I got her!
She's mine!
Boys are so predictable.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Aah!
Come out, come out, Trixie.
It'll all be over soon,
then I can be with my Vicki forever.
Pretty, pretty Vicki.
I do not want to do this, jakey.
But somebody's got to knock some sense
back into that scaly head of yours.
En garde, playa!
[Grunting]
Avast, me scurvy dragon.
That last me the black knight quarry.
Permission to bite him savagely, my pretty pretty?
Mmm, maybe later.
Charge, my stead!
Ha!
Mmm.
Ahh.
Mmm-mmm.
Hey, black knight!
Your boot's unbuckled.
What? Which one?
Yaaah!
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Aah!
Uh! Uh!
Wake up, yo!
What is wrong with you that you can't show
just a little bit of willpower?
Duh! They're boys.
Oh, right.
Uh!
Aah!
Find her!
Aah! Is there anything more inconvenient
than being a zirade with swimmer's ear?
Cool aerodynamics!
Eek! A fire-eating dragon!
There! Get her!
Check out the suit Trixie gave me.
What? You think that lame dragon costume
is better than the bradster's?
My whole knight in shining armor thing I got going on,
they'll be hitting on me like crazy.
Speaking of taking a hit.
Aah-ooh!
Thanks for the save, trix.
It's cool. I owed you one anyway...
After messing things up for you and Danika.
[Danika sobbing]
I guess you really shouldn't judge on appearance,
although you kind of did,
and you were kind of right.
Wait! I'm confused!
What's the lesson here?!
Maybe if I hadn't been so shallow,
then she wouldn't have had a reason to go all jealous on me,
although then I'd be going out with a deadly siren.
Hold up. That doesn't sound right either.
What is the lesson here?
Never swim right after a meal?
Me? I'd have to go with never take romantic advice
from a little girl's folded paper toy.
Guess so. Sounds good.
That is so true.
Now, the dragon's awkward flame-out.
Danika: Jake, I don't want to talk to you.
No, no, listen. Danika, I wrote you a song to apologize.
♪ Sorry, it's what I am ♪
♪ And what I am is a bad man ♪
♪ I hurt you bad, it made you sad... ♪
Hey, fool, what's going... yo! Where did you get that?
It's in the interest of public science!