Cock-a-doodle doo, Jake-a-roo.
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
Wow! Who would've thought that
a paper dragon could make Jake scream like a little girl?
Okay, me. But who else? Let's see hands.
Gung hay fat choy, everyone.
Gung hay fat choy!
-Gung... who, what, where? -Happy Chinese New Year.
I say it to you every year, but you never listen.
But I bet you listen to these.
Oh, yeah, 'cause money talks.
What's that little red envelope of cheddar?
Andrew Jackson's inside, and he brought his twin brother.
Thank you, Grandpa!
I'm not greedy like some people.
'Cause money's the root of all evil, and...
I was hoping for a little more evil than this.
I'm sorry it's not as much as last year.
Business has been slow since Chuck Boomgarden
opened his new electronics superstore right next to my own.
Boomgarden!
It's all right, Dad. The kids understand
that the red envelopes are not about the money.
They're an ancient tradition to wish you happiness and luck.
G-pa's red envelopes are always funtastic,
but, hey, don't forget dear old dad's gift to his Chinese clan? Huh?
(GRUNTS)
What, Dad's gift is to wreck my room?
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
He signed you all up to perform the dragon dance
in the Chinatown parade this afternoon.
I told you this last week!
The dragon dance wards off all evil spirits
so it would be a great honor for you and your family...
(MUSIC INCREASES IN VOLUME)
Nah, I'm pretty sure you didn't mention it.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin' It's my destiny ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
Stand still, Haley.
I have to see how these scales go.
I'm trying to, but either I'm too excited about the parade,
or I drank way too much juice this morning.
DAD: You know, familia, I hate to toot my own horn...
-Dragon down! -But... honk honk!
I have outdone myself
on this little dazzle of a dragon.
Yep. I put all of my Chinese know-how into this one.
Dad does know he's not Chinese, right?
Of course he does, honey.
Jake-a-roo! We've got rehearsing to do.
Right after breakfast, Dad.
Oh, man. I can't believe my dad wants me
to prance around Chinatown like a fool.
Hey, Fu, how about you and I spend the day
down at the park bagging on dogs and sweaters?
Forget it, kid. Fake quality time ain't gonna get you out of this one.
Even Gramps thinks it's a good idea for you to be in the parade.
He wants you to get in touch with your Chinese heritage.
What? Could I be any more in touch with my heritage?
I always get sweet and sour dipping sauce,
and watch me work some magic with these chopsticks.
(GRUNTS)
I'm not fetching that.
Point is, I got Chinese culture coming out of my ears.
Good to hear, young one. Then surely you know why
I'm closing the shop today.
Pssh, of course I do.
Ah, you know...
Parading and making fireworks... (MIMICS EXPLOSION)
And... things.
Parades and fireworks are fun,
but there are other traditions more important to me,
like visiting friends, burning incense to honor ancestors,
and preparing a traditional New Year's meal.
Okay, so maybe I'm not as up on the Chinese stuff as I could be,
but it's not like I'll ever need it. I'm the American Dragon.
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Yes, you've grown up in America, Jake,
but your roots are in China.
If you forget where you are from,
you will never know where you are going.
Enjoy your dragon dance!
Gramps, wait!
What if I keep the shop open for you today?
Think about it.
I can soak up Chinese culture anytime.
But can you really afford to give up
a whole day of business to Boomgarden?
Boomgarden!
Young dragon, you are more transparent
than Fu Dog visiting a sick friend in Atlantic City.
But, perhaps having you watch the shop today is a good idea.
Hey, Gramps. I brought my assistant managers.
Uh, no.
You brought two friends you bribed with Big Chunk Freezy Slurps.
(GROANS)
Too cold!
Ugh! But it hurts so good!
You're sure you'll be okay by yourselves?
(SCOFFS) Better than okay.
Look, I even bought snazzy new uniforms.
Hold up, dawg. These are nurse's uniforms.
Hey, check out the orthopedic clogs.
Lightweight yet sturdy.
And with today's rubber sole technology,
they're whisper quiet!
(EXCLAIMING IN CHINESE)
Don't worry, Gramps. No clogs.
And if I have any questions, I'll give Fu a shout.
No, you won't. 'Cause I'm a little behind
on my own Chinese New Year traditions.
Got a few of last year's debts left to settle.
I just hope Big Ernie will take a salad spinner
for the five large I'm into him for. (HOARSELY) Five large!
Well, young dragon.
I should get my New Year's traditions started as well.
Gung hay fat choy!
Yeah, Gramps. Gung hay chow yuh.
Huh? You just wished me stir fried meat.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
The old man has left the building.
Now let's kick it, and peep my favorite story, All My Shorties.
Not today, Trix. Don't you get it?
This is my big chance!
Uh, for what?
If I do a good job running the shop, Gramps will let me do it again.
And by again, I mean anytime I've got stuff I don't want to do.
Like that Chinese parade today.
But Chinese stuff is so cool!
You got the food, the history,
not to mention the many varieties of exotic martial arts.
I call mine Spung Fu.
Ai-i-yah!
(GRUNTS)
Whoa! Orthopedic clogs!
How could you betray me?
(YELLS)
Spud! Careful, man!
You're making a mess!
Mess? How can you tell
with all of Gramps' cluttered junk in around here?
Dude's got a chair with three and a half legs,
a clock with one hand, and a "um" with no brella.
Yo, Trix! That's it.
If we clean the place up, it'll show Gramps
I'm responsible enough to watch the shop whenever he needs it.
And more importantly,
whenever I need it.
(COUGHING)
JAKE: There you go.
It's all yours.
Whoopedy-doo.
Junk even junk would call junk.
Next time, just dump it in the Hudson like everybody else.
But if we dump it, you don't make any money.
What? I... ugh.
I should've never quit school.
(HUMMING)
(STUTTERING)
Wha... whaa...
Hey, Fu. So what you think?
Jakey and the crew made it real jazzy up in here, huh?
There's nothing... (MUMBLING)
Yeah! I think Grandpa's gonna be speechless, too.
He might even give me the keys to the place.
Are you out of your mind?
You can't clean on Chinese New Year!
-Why not? -It's against tradition!
You're not just sweeping out the trash,
you're sweeping out all the good luck, leaving only bad luck.
And bad luck in a magical shop
is the worst kind of bad luck there is! (GROANS)
You don't really believe those Chinese superstitions, do you?
Kid, they're not just superstitions,
they're 4,000 years of culture!
Just because it's old doesn't mean it's true.
A message from Big Ernie to Fu Dog.
"Thanks for the salad spinner.
"My arugula has never been crisper."
-(GASPS) -FU: Oh, no, there goes the mousetrap
with the toaster. Oh, and the ceiling fan!
-Not the old man's priceless Ming vase! -(ALL GASP)
(ALL SIGH)
Wow, of all the luck.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, uh, one more time. Haley doesn't quite have it.
Okay, um, sweetie bunches,
just try to imagine what it's like to be a dragon.
I'll try.
Honey, don't you think we've practiced this enough?
As Confucius said,
he that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.
Besides, I'm just trying to help
Haley-hoo dig deep into her Chinese soul like me.
Like you?
Okay, I think we need to talk.
We can talk, but, uh...
I just think our little girl could be a bit more dragony.
All right, that is it!
I am... (MUFFLED SPEAKING)
I think I got it!
Okay, turn it off slow...
...ly.
Ooh, that was close. Nothing worse than soggy kibble.
I don't know, Jakey. I'm starting to think that cleaning the clutter
might have opened the door to a whole mess of trouble.
What are you talking about?
The old plumbing in this place has always been messed up. It's just a coincidence.
Yeah, a vase that lasted 600 years suddenly breaks,
a drain that gushes like Old Faithful, and that cricket on the windowsill?
-(CRICKET CHIRPS) -Coincidence?
(SCOFFS) I don't think so.
What? Now you're buggin' over a harmless bug?
Yeah, I thought a cricket meant good luck.
Yes, a cricket means good luck, but one cricket!
ALL: Crickets!
-They're in my hair! -They're in my mouth!
-Ah, they're up my shorts! -(ALL SCREAMING)
Dragon, up!
TRIXIE: Yeah, that's right, Jakey!
We gonna have ourselves a cricket roast!
Okay... maybe we shouldn't have cleaned out the place on Chinese New Year's.
And you would've known that
if you'd listened when the old man mentioned it about a gazillion times!
Just tell me how to fix this, Fu!
If it was me? I don't know,
I'd try to retrieve all the stuff you threw out. Reverse the curse.
Okay! Then let's get on it!
Hold up, kid. Somebody's gotta stay here and cover
in case the old man swings by.
Got you, Jakey baby.
Spud and I got it covered here.
You think Trixie and Spud can handle the bad luck?
Eh. I figure we've seen the worst of it.
TRIXIE: (SCREAMING) Magical earthquake!
Where's the rest of it?
You kids taught me a valuable lesson in junkman economics.
So I sold most of your stuff elsewhere for a cash money profit.
But I gotta get that stuff back.
Well, here's my buyers.
Check with them first.
Then try the dumpster on Third.
Shouldn't be too hard. All this is in Chinatown.
Good, 'cause we only got a couple hours before the old man gets back.
I just hope Trixie and potato boy are keeping the shop together.
(SCREAMING)
Excuse me!
But... actually that radio belongs to my grandpa.
Can I... just...
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
Uh, Fu?
You wanna jump in here?
Mm. Fine.
Behold, the international language
of cute puppy dog whimpering.
(FU WHIMPERING)
Will you look at this? (MUMBLES)
Well, after the earthquake and the vortex, rain seems actually refreshing.
(READING) Dance The Hong Kong Hustle.
Man, I'm glad I wasn't born when Gramps was shaking his booty.
What's that?
It's an offering.
An offering, huh? Now that's customer service.
(SHRIEKS) An offering for his ancestors!
You dishonor my family!
-Sorry. Run! -(FU GROANS)
Hello, brainstorm!
(CHUCKLES) Familia, get ready for the ah's and applause
of a loud crowd.
When I hit this button,
you will witness 50,000 BTUs of propane-powered dragon breath.
Maybe we should dial the nine and the one now,
just to get a head start.
This is gonna make my Chinese ancestors so proud.
Honey, there's really no way to put this gently.
You're not Chinese!
Ooh, whoopsy daisy, I beg to differ there with you, honey-hoo.
As you may recall, uh, one of my many
endearing qualities is that I am one-sixteenth Navajo,
and we all know that the ancestors of Native Americans
arrived here via the Bering Strait from where?
Asia! And what's in Asia?
China!
Whoo!
-(CORN POPPING) -Sorry for crackling your corn, ma'am!
Just eat towards the light!
Spud! Another slime hole by your head!
I'm out of plugs! No, wait!
I got it!
It's working!
Outstanding! Jake's behind me with the last of the junk.
You know, it looks limey,
but it's actually more of a curry flavor.
(PANTING)
Jake?
Hey, Gramps! Wh... what's up?
What are you doing with my magazines?
Yeah...wh...what are you doing with his magazines?
I hope you're not cleaning.
(CHUCKLES) Of course not!
Don't you know that cleaning is a mega no-no on Chinese New Year?
Very good. Someone has been listening to the traditions of our culture.
Hey, I'm all about traditions and culture.
And... what-not.
Good, then I won't have to remind you about the vault.
The vault?
I know about the vault.
I could teach classes on the vault.
Now, you go do your Chinese New Year thingies,
and don't worry your little gray head about the vault.
Bye-bye now!
Go as far as ten bucks'll take him.
Aw, man!
Just keep walking, Grandpa! Everything's cool!
You don't remember him telling you about the vault, do you?
Of course I do.
That is the Fengdu Vault of Demons,
which we must never open on Chinese New Year, or...
(VIDEO GAME VOLUME INCREASES)
Then again, I might've missed a couple of details.
Oh, no! You geniuses probably threw the vault out, too!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, phew. Still there.
You worried about a rusty old box?
That rusty old box doesn't hold your run of the mill demons.
It holds demons so gnarly they couldn't be destroyed,
only imprisoned.
Okay, then. We'll just leave the thing alone.
Hello, everyone. I've been delivering messages all day.
You mind if I take a break over here on the...
-No, don't! -Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
Oh, yeah! Who's got his luck back on? Uh-huh.
(ALL EXHALE)
-Huh? -(ALL GASP)
(ROARING)
Whoa!
(DEMONS ROARING)
Aw, man.
I don't get it. We brought all the stuff back.
Why are we still having bad luck?
Because not everything's back.
The broken vase!
Uh-oh! I kind of swept it up and threw it in the trash can out back.
Yes! It's still here.
I am so not loving this Chinese bad luck.
Actually, I don't think that's bad luck,
-it's just trash day. -(SIGHS)
-Dragon, up! -What are you doing?
I gotta get those creatures back in the box.
But what about Trix and me?
It looks like you two have a truck to catch.
FU: Whoa, up, up, and away, woo-hoo!
Did I ask to be volunteered,
Mr. Johnny Helper Scout?
(CHINESE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRLS CLAMORING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
(SNARLING)
Hey, buddy, you're stopping the show. Or should I say, draggin' down the dragon.
(JAKE GRUNTS)
WOMAN 1: Who did that? WOMAN 2: What's he wearing?
(GRUNTS)
(STRAINING)
(DEMONS ROARING)
Dad!
Yum! That sure is a fancy dragon costume right there.
Darn tootin'!
(LAUGHS) Aren't you guys glad
we worked hard on our dragon?
That one looked so Fakey-McFakerson.
-Was that... -Jake?
Man, you dudes aren't bag-head ugly,
you're box-head ugly. (GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
-(JAKE GRUNTING) -(DEMONS ROARING)
(CHATTER)
Special effects!
Whoa!
(GROANING)
I think being stuck in a box made them a little cranky.
Come on, all you have to do is get them back in the box.
One at a time!
Just pitch me one right here, I'll catch it.
(GRUNTING) Hi-ya!
That's it, buddy! Bring the heat! Bring it!
Pull up! Pull up!
(FU GRUNTING)
Strike!
-(CROWD CHEERING) -Dude, how did they do the talking dog?
(BOTH PANTING)
There it is!
BOTH: Stop!
We can't catch him.
No, but ortho-cloggy can.
(GRUNTS)
Lightweight, yet sturdy.
Ha, I knew they'd come in handy.
Or footy.
(GRUNTING)
Okay, the costumes aren't that bad,
but I can totally see the wires.
Honey, I don't know how your brother got in this mess,
but I think he needs your help.
Finally! Being a fake dragon
is so less fun than the real thing.
(CROWD GASPS)
See, Haley, now that is a convincing dragon.
You got... Where'd she go?
Uh, potty break.
Haley! Whose side are you on?
You're free, aren't you?
-So what's the plan? -We gotta get Ugly and Uglier
into that box that Fu's holding.
Haley, remember that noodle fight
-we had last Chinese New Year's? -Oh, yeah!
Maybe Snarly Brown over there would like one of your noodle wigs.
(DEMONS ROARING)
Happy noodle year, creep!
Ah!
Going back, back, back...
(GRUNTS) He makes the catch!
(CHEERING)
(JAKE GRUNTING)
-Come on! -HALEY: Get in there!
(CHANTING) Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!
Okay! Because you all demanded it,
grand finale time!
JAKE: Huh?
(JAKE YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
Got 'em all, kid. Good thing, too,
'cause there ain't that much fluff left in my cushion.
Haley, where have you been?
You could've picked up a few tips from the big dragon show.
I heard the crowd cheering from the bathroom.
You must've been one awesome dragon, huh, Dad?
Well, I...
You know, I'm just trying to do justice to my heritage.
SPUD: Carefully...
BOTH: Phew!
Got these monkeys back in the cage.
And we got this baby back together in one piece.
More like 477 pieces.
Nice try, though. (GASPS)
Where's 478?
(ALL GASP)
Looking for this?
I found it outside.
Any problems minding the shop?
-Nah! Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. -Yeah, yeah, nothing going on here.
Snoozefest.
(SIGHS) Actually, Gramps,
we did have problems. Big problems.
Hmm. By problems, do you perhaps mean
accidentally sweeping trash out of the shop,
resulting in near-catastrophic bad luck until everything was returned?
Hold up. You knew what was happening this whole time,
-and you didn't help? -(CHUCKLES)
Some lessons are more fun to watch than to teach.
-So I dug through trash... -And I licked slime...
And I had my crippling fear of crickets exposed...
...just so Jake could learn a lesson about his culture?
I only said it was fun for Grandpa.
But come, now.
Time for the best part of the New Year celebration.
Sorry for not listening to you, Gramps.
I understand.
I must admit, there are times when I don't listen as well, either.
You should've seen it, G!
It was kind of a backflip into a 180 Ollie with...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
And did you know, on Chinese New Year, you're supposed to put out
lychee nuts to help the family get along? I don't know what lychee nuts are,
but we should definitely put 'em out next year.
Oh, and did you know washing your hair is bad luck, too...
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASING)
JAKE: Hey Grandpa, are you even listening to me? Gramps!