(RAPPING OFF-KEY)
Man!
Uh, Dad? You can drop me off here. Really. Here is fine.
A whole block from your school? (SCOFFS)
Not in this downpour. No son of mine is going to end up a wetty-netty.
I bid you adieu, my little Jake-a-roo!
-(ENGINE SPUTTERS) -Ugh.
Wow, sounds like the old dad-taxi is in need of a tune-up. (CHUCKLES)
(RAPPING) ♪ I'm your mickey-wicky Woo-hoo, whoa, now! ♪
-Is that Jake's dad? -BOY: That's embarrassing.
Heh. Not... Not really my dad.
-My manservant, Heinrich. Really. -Ah, yes.
The old parental drop-off.
-As unpleasant as it is unavoidable. -Mmm-hmm.
You know, if I were old enough to drive, it wouldn't be an issue.
I fight all over the city and fight magical creatures on a daily basis.
-I think I've earned it. -Two more years, Jakey.
But even then, it's not like they hand out driver's licenses to just anybody...
Whoo-hoo! Oops.
-Sorry about that, doofuses. -Brad?
I hate to break it to you, but you have to be 16 to drive.
I am. The Bradster was held back twice in the third grade.
Now I'm two years stronger, smarter, and driving-er than you losers.
Sorry you don't have cars.
Being held back rocks. Whoo-hoo!
Later, losers.
What up, Fu?
FU: Kid, some creature's going berserk at the magical flea market.
You better get over there, pronto.
Oh, and it's raining cats and dogs.
-You may get a little wet. -No kidding.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster with Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin' It's my destiny ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(GONG SOUNDING)
Okay, I'm the protector of the magical world,
but Brad's the one with car privileges?
How messed up is that?
Jake! Don't jab the juniorosity.
Fo' sho'. Being 14 has got its privileges, too.
Oh, yeah?
Sorry, kid. Nobody under 17 sees Carnival of Carnage 3
unless accompanied by a legal guardian.
(ALL SIGH)
You know the rules, little mister. No scampering off
to hippy-hop house parties on a school night.
-(ALARM BUZZES) -Huh?
Congratulations!
As our one millionth customer, we're sending you and a guest
on an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii.
You are over 18, right? Right?
I'm telling you guys, 14 is routine.
Older is golder.
Brace yourself. This is our stop.
(YELLS)
Oh. Gotta say, not really lovin' the magical subway stop.
-Aah! -(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Yo, Fu. I'm not seeing much in the way of berserking creatures.
-Are you sure that... -(ROARING)
Nobody loot anything while we're gone.
Uh, scratch that.
FU: Kid, talk to me. What's this thing look like?
Something like this.
An avimetris? Yuh-oh!
"Yuh-oh"? Don't say "Yuh-oh."
I hate it when you say "Yuh-oh."
Jake, be careful, the avimetris is as old as time itself.
FU: Whatever you do, make sure you stay away from the tent...
Okay. Why is Fu concerned about tents, when there are tentacles after us?
Yo, Avi. I think it's about time someone taught you some phone manners.
Dragon up!
(ROARS)
That's it, Jakey. Hit it with yo' best... (SCREAMS)
Okay, hold up. I know you did not just get your squid slime
all over my jazzy new top.
-(GROANS) -That's it.
It's time for some deep-fried calamari.
-(MUMBLING) -What is he saying?
I think he said... (MUFFLED)
Guys, I got an idea. Grab onto each other.
(YELPS)
You know what goes with seafood? Pretzels.
And don't come back.
You guys okay? Those are some seriously messed-up tentacles.
Now we know what Fu was referring to when he warned us about the tents.
Evil campers.
What? You have a better theory?
(YAWNS)
Jake, your grandfather's been calling for you.
Ah, long day. Talk to him tomorrow.
Must shower. (GRUNTS)
-HALEY: Occupied. -Haley.
Come on. I stink like dragon sweat.
I'm sorry, Jake. But we had a very festive tea party today,
and all of my dolls have to go.
Especially Princess Fairhair. (GIGGLES)
Great. Only four more years before I can move out
and not have to share a bathroom with my annoying little sister.
HALEY: And her dolls.
(ALARM BUZZING)
Yeah, yeah.
Man, how long till Christmas?
'Cause these PJs are getting a little tight.
(GASPS)
Hi-yah! Who are you, and what have you done with my brother?
Haley, what's your deal?
Jake?
Haley? Haley.
Okay, I don't want you to freak, but you've totally shrunk.
Uh... You might want to take a look at yourself.
(SCREAMS)
-You've got to... -Get to Grandpa's!
Wait. The alarm's on.
JONATHAN: Jake, Haley. I'm pouring milk on your cereal.
Countdown to soggy city starts now.
Dad! He can't see me like this.
Don't panic. I'll distract him while you sneak out.
Hop-to, Haley-hoo. Where's your brother?
Um, Dad? I need to talk to you.
Oh, what about, punkin?
Um... Lady things.
I... You know, I... (CHUCKLES) I don't...
(GRUNTS, CRASHES)
-Morning, all. -Oh, good. Your mother.
Why don't you two have a seat on the couch,
where, you can, uh, sip cocoa and talk about your lady things.
Lady things? What lady things?
(GRUNTS)
You know what? I'll even light a nice, crackling fire
so you can talk in front of it like they do in those commercials.
"Jean-Pierre." You know, that one.
No fire. No fire.
(YELPS) Ow.
-Whoa! -(THUDS)
Oh, man.
Who are you calling an old man?
Spud? Trixie?
You guys got old, too?
Way old. How old?
-Where's your home training, boy? -(GRUNTS)
You ain't ever supposed to ask a woman her age.
Oh, no. I'm even acting like an old lady.
And where'd I get this purse from?
ALL: We've got to get to Grandpa's.
FU: Yup. This would be why I told you to stay clear of the avimetris' tentacles.
Tentacles? You said "tent."
I heard "tent." Did he not say "tent"?
Okay, I don't know what either of you all talking about.
Don't worry. Hearing is the first to go.
I said, "Ah, yes!
-"This would be why..." -I heard what you said.
But you gonna have to give me a little more than, "I told you so."
Sheesh. You sure turned into a crabby old lady.
Yeah. You try wakin' up in the a.m. with your booty six inches lower
than it was in the p.m., and see what kinda mood you in.
All right. Here's the deal.
The avimetris has got the ability to live forever
by feeding on other people's youth.
See, when the three of you were in the tentacles,
-it must've just, you know... -(ALL GASP)
Suctioned the youth right out of you.
Uh, my skin's all loose.
Hey, maybe I can use these wrinkles for body pockets.
-Hand me some snack mix. -Yo, wait... Wait a minute. Nuh-uh.
You... No snack mix in your old man folds.
You'll get ants, and that's just nasty.
And you! How come you a strapping 21-year-old,
and me and Spud look like the inside of a raisin box.
Probably 'cause it didn't hang on to me as long as you guys.
GRANDPA: Sorry I'm late.
The line at Ling-Cho's grocer was... (SCREAMS)
Didn't Fu warn you to stay away from the tentacles?
-He said "tent." -Spud, get over it.
Fu, how do we change back?
It says right here, "In order for the age of its victims to be restored,
"the avimetris must be vanquished."
That thing attacked last night. It could be anywhere by now.
Where are we gonna stay until you find it?
And don't say here, because this place smells like old people.
(SNIFFS) Oh, wait. That's me.
Do not worry. I will handle your parents.
And I think I know just the place you can go.
GNOME: Leroy? Leroy, is that you?
I thought I lost you in the trenches during the gnome-ogre war of '52.
Um, sure. Why not?
Aww. He seems like a friendly old guy.
How about some poker?
I'll play you for your hearing aid batteries.
Um, dude. Those are my eardrums.
But... Okay.
I cannot believe Gramps put us in a magical old folks' home.
Uh, I don't suppose any of y'all play "Shake your Booty Revolution"?
Is that like canasta? 'Cause I play a mean cana...
(SNORING)
-Uh, should somebody... -GNOME: Let her drool.
Her tail needs the moisture.
How 'bout you don't tell me how to run this place,
and I don't hock one in your friend's fruit cups tonight.
BOTH: Ugh...
Trixie Carter and Arthur Spudinski?
Lao Shi called ahead. Your rooms are ready.
Lights out is at 6:45 p.m.
Dinner is at 4:30. And visiting hours ended five minutes ago.
Oh, yeah, um... Okay, I'll just, uh...
You just hurry and find that monster.
Okay, Jakey?
Trixie, I'm over here. And don't worry.
I'm 21 years old now, remember?
I can totally handle things.
And next time you visit your friends, don't park in the fire lane.
(SCOFFS) That's not my car.
I mean, do I look old enough to drive?
I'm old enough to drive!
(SMOOCHES)
Yeah.
Read 'em and weep. Full house.
Now hand over those hearing aids.
But I'm not wearing any.
Double or nothing. Aah, double or nothing!
Don't worry, Gramps. I'm hot on the trail of the avimetris.
Uh, you weren't planning on using your van today, right?
-No reason. -(BEEPS)
Grandpas. Always worrying, even when you're 21.
So, what say we get back to the old driving test?
(STUTTERS) The curb. Mailbox.
Sorry. Still learning.
Red light!
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
-(CARS HONKING) -I'll just go this way.
One way street. One way street!
Well, not anymore.
(HONKING)
Tell my wife I love her.
-JAKE: Perfect fit. -(THUDS)
So, how'd I do?
Young man, that was the most irresponsible,
pathetic show of driving I have ever witnessed.
You would have done better blindfolded, steering with your feet!
Okay. I'll try that when I take the test with you again tomorrow.
And the day after that, and the day after that...
Here's your license, kid. Now remember our deal.
Stay out of my neighborhood.
(SCOFFS)
Come on, Spud.
Double Dutch, Dutch is double.
If you trip, then you're in trouble.
-(GRUNTS) -(LAUGHS)
Beat you again, Leroy.
At your own game, no less.
Man, how can legs so stubby be so limber?
Yeah, yeah. Hand over your hearing aids and your dentures.
Come on, give it.
But these are my real teeth, I swear.
-(GROANS) -(CRASHES)
SPUD: Take your hands out of my mouth, old man!
Help! Trixie!
What's up, party seniors?
Jakey. Did you find the avimetris, baby?
Um, not yet. But I brought you some presents
to help you pass the time. Ha. Check it.
-Prune juice, denture cream... -(RETCHES)
Whoopsy-Daisy overnight briefs.
Oh... No more.
Oh, no more.
Hey, I know what'll cheer you up.
My sweet new ride.
Turns out, when you're 21,
you get little plastic friends called credit cards.
This baby only took four. Want to go for a spin?
Uh, you do know credit cards is just loans, right?
-You got to pay them people back. -Oh.
I'd better get more credit cards.
Jake! Are you even hunting for that avimetris?
'Cause I ain't getting no younger. And Spud, well...
SPUD: (SQUEALS) Get him...
GNOME: I want those teeth!
Hey, it's older, more mature Jake you're talking to.
I'm on this thing 24/7.
One for Carnival of Carnage 3.
That's right. Just one.
No sister, no parents. No rules.
'Cause this eagle is legal.
Welcome to your suite, sir.
As requested, a six-foot trampoline,
two "Shake your Booty" party machines,
and enough pudding to fill the bathtub. Will that be all?
Actually, you can cancel the trampoline.
These sofas got bounce.
But if I can't hop the curb,
how am I supposed to get this baby up on two wheels?
And you can even pay traffic tickets with a credit card.
I'm telling you. There's nothing bad about being 21.
I know what's bad. I missed 21 and skipped straight to 81!
Look, Gramps and Fu are close to finding this thing.
In the meantime, this has been a dream come true for me.
It's like everything I've ever wanted to do, I'm doin'.
Exactly. Everything you want to do.
Where is the love for us?
Hey, I got an idea.
Before we all turn back to normal, let's throw the biggest party, ever.
Tonight. At my new pad. What do you say?
Well, I guess a party sounds good.
I love soda. I love pizza,
love shaky, shaky what the good lord makey.
Uh, Spud,
I think I'm stuck. Spud!
SPUD: Stay back.
I beat you at shuffleboard. Now hand over your toupee.
I told you. This is my real hair.
My real hair!
(GRUNTING)
And if you strike me down,
I only become stronger.
Okay.
You guys work out your issues and I'll see ya tonight.
Remember, keep the sodas flowing,
and nobody's sundaes are allowed to be half empty.
(RINGTONE SOUNDING)
Eh, nothing that can't wait till tomorrow. Right?
-(ROARS) -(LINE RINGING)
Why isn't he answering?
JAKE: (ON VOICEMAIL) Sorry you can't reach me
but please don't breach me. Be brief after the beep.
-(BEEPS) -He must be screenin' his calls.
What, he turns 21 and suddenly he's too good to answer his...
(YELPS)
We need Jake. I cannot fight this thing alone.
(GROANS)
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
You guys made it. Awesome.
-Snack mix? -(RETCHING)
Yo, welcome to my totally fun-draiser for the policeman's ball.
The neighbors are complaining.
You don't clear everybody out of here immediately,
-I'm citing you for disorderly conduct. -Disorderly what, now?
Yo, I'm just a kid.
(CHUCKLES) Nice try.
Now break this party up or I'm taking you down to the station.
What? What the...
You can't escape me, Leroy.
All right. That is it. You're comin' with me.
-No, wait. I... -(TRIXIE YELPS)
(GRUNTS)
Trixie tried to shaky, shaky.
But I think she breaky, breaky.
(YELPS)
You can't hide Leroy from me.
Uh, Jake! Save me.
Jakey, turn me back, boy. I can't feel my anything.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say...
Okay. Everybody, chill. I'll fix things.
I'll just... I, uh...
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MOANING)
Man, I'm startin' to think this growin' up stuff
ain't all it's cracked up to be.
Tell me about it. You know, I wanted to be a sitcom actor,
but thanks to reality TV,
I'm stuck as a stinkin' messenger fairy.
Oh, yeah. You have a message. Fu Dog says...
Wait, let me... "Kid, get to Grandpa's shop, pronto.
"A-gu-gu-gu. Gu, gu."
Kid, it's terrible.
I was hit by the avimetris over in the warehouse district.
-You were? -What?
You can't see all the extra wrinkles with the thing?
Ah, that's not the worst of it. Come here.
Gramps.
He put up a good fight,
but I don't think he had much youth left to spare.
Gramps, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
(GRUNTS) Do not burden yourself with blame, young one.
The hands of fate often...
What am I saying? Yes, it's your fault. (SNEEZES)
Jake, you must find and defeat the avimetris. Otherwise...
The old man's on a bullet train to bye-bye ville.
(ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Another scone for you, Princess Faria?
Psst.
-Haley, I need your help. -Forget it, Jake.
I am not flossing your back scales, again.
Wait. Why are you still big?
Listen, I need you to help me catch something.
I need your youth.
I'm so young and so defenseless.
I wonder what's around this dark corner.
Jake, if the avimetris were anywhere around here,
it'd come after my bright-eyed, fresh-faced,
kewpie doll cuteness hours ago.
You got a better idea? 'Cause Gramps is running out of time.
And unless we destroy the avimetris...
(ROARING)
Back it up.
Well, look who slithered in.
You took something from my people.
And guess what? I'm taking it back.
(GROANS)
Haley!
-(GROANS) -(YELPS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Now, I'm mad, you big squidiot.
How would you like it if someone suctioned the youth out of you?
Suction the youth out of you.
That's it. Haley, follow my lead.
(ROARING)
JAKE: Ready to play?
(BEEPING)
Let's see how he likes sucking some of his own youth.
Ha! Check it.
He can't handle it.
Wow, that was actually kind of fun.
-Except for the guts part. -Yeah.
It's never felt so good to be a kid.
Now, before I relieve you of your teeth, your hearing, and your hair...
Any last words?
Yeah. Hope you're thirsty.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, baby. We are back.
Fu Dog. What are you doing?
There's a vicious creature on the loose and you're here playing nurse maid?
Good job, kid. Good job.
-Hey, guys. Wait up. -Jake, dude.
You look worse than we did when we were 80.
I took a night job stocking shelves to pay off my credit cards.
Whoa. Look who's finally sounding like an adult.
Yeah. The whole looking 21 thing came easy.
But the being mature enough to handle it part?
Not so much.
Sorry for being such a jerk.
-It's all good. -Ah, no worries.
BRAD: Coming through.
-But speaking of jerks... -And immaturity.
Whoo-hoo! Check me out. Being old rocks.
Rocks!
Whoo-hoo... (CRASHES)
Aw, man...
Know what, guys? Being 14 rocks just fine.
(BRAD GROANS)
FU: This magical journal lets you see what anybody will look like when they get old.
JAKE: Cool. Let's check out... Brad.
(CHUCKLES) He lost all his hair.
Well, except for the nasty hair growing out of his ears.
FU: Kid, you shouldn't taunt the holograms.
JAKE: Seriously. He should at least braid it or something.
I'm telling ya, Jake, don't...
Fu, hand me the phone so I can call the ugly police on his sorry...
Hey, let go. Fu, get me out of here.
FU: A-gu. He never learns.