H-A-L-E-Y L-O-N-G.
"You will succeed at what you set out to accomplish today."
We're all aware of that, paper thingy.
-Let's do Jake. -No, let's...
J-A-K-E L-O-N-G.
"Today is love's new dawn."
Good thing you used extra hair gel this morning.
Maybe if you had butter
she'll stick to you long enough to see past the obvious flaws.
Okay. You can put your stupid fortune teller thing away now.
-Time to roll. -It's not stupid, it's science.
Paper plus ink plus girls' intuition
equals mystic truth.
See? Love is in the air. It's a sign.
It's a coincidence.
MAN: Hey. My kids love balloons.
Okay. Two coincidences. Now, come on.
See ya, Hales. Try not to be such a smart... Whoa!
-(CRASHES) -Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see... Whoa!
No prob, dude. Care for a sample of Colonel Cupid's Cosmic Caramel Corn?
You'll fall in love with the flavor.
Is there really something to this girls' intuition stuff? Huh?
Okay. I'll call that a yes.
It's not like Rose is coming back anytime soon.
And even if she did, she's got no memory of what we used to have together.
Maybe fate's telling me to move on, find someone new.
I don't know about fate, Jakey,
but I do know your timing is all biscuits and gravy.
You could be the first to sign up for what
my co-president Spud and I are putting together.
Ta-da!
JAKE: "The first annual Fillmore Charity Bachelor Auction
"to Support Hungry Puppies and People Who Get Sick
"When They Play Video Games in a Moving Car"?
We couldn't agree which cause was more worthy of support.
It's a bachelor auction, Jakey.
You just sign up and the ladies will line up.
Hmm.
I guess maybe there's no fighting it.
Hook me up with a pen, Spud.
Looks like fate says it's a good day for love.
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not bragging ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail burning dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ His skills are getting faster with Grandpa the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G?
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm a dragon, I'm not braggin' It's my destiny ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ I'm the magical protector of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
♪ American Dragon ♪
Yeow!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
It's the
First Annual Fillmore Charity Bachelor Auction
to Support Puppies and sick people
When They Play Video Games in a Moving Car.
Yeah, yeah. Real catchy.
Bring on the mens.
(WHOOPING)
Y'all know the rules. Bid high, baby.
Because you'll get your guy for one romantic week.
He'll carry your books to class, cook you a candlelight dinner...
Save you from the jealous clutches of the secretly evil eye-patched twin,
who faked his own death, to steal you away during Carnival season.
(COUGHS)
Yeah. All my romantic research comes from Brazilian soap operas.
And at the end of the week,
every couple gets a special invitation
to our black tie gala at the Manhattan Medieval Museum.
Or as I call it, the MMM.
Come on. Let me hear that bling jingle jangle, ladies.
It's time to get your bids on.
(ALL CHEERING)
$19? That's all the love you got for Mr. Nigel Thrall of the UK?
Speak me some British, boyfriend.
I... umm... Parliament.
-(SOFTLY EXCLAIMING) -$19!
-$20. -$21!
I got Frederick for four bucks.
Going once, going twice...
-Sold. -Yes.
See, Mom. I told you someone would want me.
Ahem. Bro, that was your mom.
Will you take a credit card?
I didn't think he'd go for that much.
Another round for Frederick's mom.
-$13.50. -$7.75.
$17.25 over there.
Sold for a combined $52
to the entire varsity cheer squad.
ALL: Yay, Brad!
ALL: Yeah.
-Whoo-hoo! -Okay. You ready, Jakey?
I don't know. That was the whole cheer squad in one bid.
There's still some cute ones left, right?
Excuse me. I thought you were letting fate pick your new boo.
-Yeah. So? -So, what if that goes for a girl
with more heart than hotness?
(SCOFFS) I think fate knows what I like.
Well, come on in, playa man. Let's...
Okay. I wasn't planning on doing this,
but I can't deny you ladies my Spudnificence one moment longer.
Oh. Somebody call the cowboy,
because there is about to be an exit door stampede.
Shall we start the bidding at, say, 50 big ones?
(PERSON COUGHING SOFTLY)
Fifty dollarinos. Going once,
going twice...
Okay.
How about 50 dime-arinos?
Fifty nickel-idoos?
Did I mention we accept Canadian money?
(STUTTERS) Why are you all looking at me, eh?
-Uh, Spud. -That's a bid. She bid. Sold.
-Yeah. -That was totally a bid. Sold.
You are going to most definitely pay for this one, Spudinski.
Actually, you're the one that has to...
Moving on. Jake Long, everybody!
-What's up, ladies? -(LADIES CHEERING)
Bidding starts at $5.00.
-Five dollars. -Six.
Seven!
Twenty-two dollars!
SPUD: And we're down to two bidders, folks.
I've got $22 from swim team captain Danika Honeycut.
-Going once... -Commander,
I pledge 23 credits for the Jake head humanoid.
And hanging right in there is the captain of the Sci-Fi trivia match,
Vickie Fickling.
-Twenty-four. -Twenty-five
-Twenty-six -GIRL 1: 27.
GIRL 2: Twenty-eight.
VICKIE: Ruckus spleneen.
It's Delorvean for 29.
I...I've only got 28.
Looks like fate knows a little more than you do, ha?
Twenty-nine dollars. Going once,
-going twice. -That's right, Your Honor.
The real criminal is principal Hans Rockwood!
-(ALL GASP) -(SPEAKS GERMAN)
Please make this.
Ow!
-I don't know what he's... -Yeah, people.
If it's a crime to boogie,
then that man is public enemy number fun.
(CHATTERING IN CONFUSION)
Well, I do throw down a mean Schuhplattler.
(HUMMING TUNE)
SPUD: Anyway, $29, going twice...
Thirty-three dollars.
GIRL: He's not that cute.
Will you accept a sortrum orp?
Thirty-three going once,
going twice,
sold to the lovely Danika Honeycut.
-(EXCLAIMS) -(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
Oh, yeah. The Bradster's worth every penny.
So, uh, you and me, huh?
Now, how exactly is this supposed to... Whoa!
Excuse us a second, Miss Backstroke.
I saw what you did.
You owe Vickie Fickling a romantic week, you cheap, shallow, lowdown... Ooh!
What? Fate's trying to hook me up with a new boo.
That's obviously Danika Honeycut.
Oh, really? Well, it looked to me
like fate was sweet on Vickie Fickling
till somebody threw an origami Abe Lincoln up in its grill.
Do you know how broken hearted that girl must be?
Salutations, celestial life forms.
-Uh, Vickie. -I just wanted to give my blessings
to the happy couple. Mazel tov.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) And all that.
Uh, thanks Vickie.
Ear drainage. I get otitis externum real bad.
Oh, time for a eary lifto.
Anywho.
Let me talk to that lovely lady.
-She seems fine to me. -Oh, Jakey,
you know nothing about women.
She's obviously covering the pain in a mask of smiles and alien mumbo jumbo.
What is it with you boys never looking past surface appearances?
Yeah. I got to spend a week with Trixie.
You don't hear me complaining.
That's right. I got your back, girlfriend.
Actually, Spudinski. I'm looking forward to our week together.
And you best believe I'm going to get my 50 nickels' worth out of you.
I'm only supposed to do romantic requests.
So put some booty shake in it, Romeo.
(CHUCKLES)
Trix, why are you chuckling evilly?
-So, tomorrow morning? -Sounds great.
So pretty pretty.
So... Yahoo!
Yeah-ha!
I'm in love! I'm in love,
I'm in love, I'm in love!
-(VEHICLE HONKS) -(SHRIEKS)
Jake!
What the heck just happened?
I... I don't know.
For serious, now, you're way overreacting here.
Quiet! Put this under tongue.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
So you heard some singing and then suddenly you're playing dodge bus?
I told you, I just got excited.
Didn't see where I was going.
It appears you may be having siren trouble, young dragon.
-Siren? -Mind-meltingly beautifious babes
from the sea. Oh, they'll promise you romance,
then they'll start using hypnotic mind powers,
making you throw yourself into more and more dangerous situations,
till kaputso. Oh, that's the end of you!
Time to move on to her new man.
(SOBS)
No, I wish I didn't love them so much.
Well, I haven't met any girls
from the sea lately, so I think your magical diagnosis is a little...
Swim team captain, Jakey?
You don't think it's all making Danika look just a teeny bit suspicious?
Look, I heard music and started acting a fool.
Isn't that what it's supposed to be like when a guy meets a cute girl?
Don't you people believe in love at first sight?
At least six times a day. Ooh!
Then could you just trust me?
I've got a good feeling about this one.
So do we trust the kid or what?
Not as long as he's doing all his thinking with his kissy face.
Heard that.
Maybe the kid's right. Maybe he's just in love.
But I'll see what I can find on siren detection.
You and Spud will keep an eye on him then?
Actually, Spud's kind of busy right now.
Trixie! I think there's a family of raccoons in here!
I'm going to name the daddy Bubbly Mouth
'cause he... (SHRIEKS)
But I think I know somebody else who might want to help me out.
So, what's the big surprise?
Just something I like to call throwback skating.
Romantic, athletic, and funky.
You know me so well already.
Must have been fate, huh? Whoa!
Clear out for the roller derby practice.
This week, we lost to the Seventh Avenue Valkyrie.
Dang. You want to go get some ice cream
and come back later?
Gee, Jake, you always seem like the kind of bad boy who liked trouble.
Yeah. I like trouble.
(SOFTLY) Pretty, pretty trouble.
-(GROANS) -Oh.
Hey, ladies. Let's roll.
(GRUNTS)
Wow. Are you okay?
I don't know what happened to me.
I can't keep from showing off sometimes, I guess.
Must be a guy thing, huh?
TRIXIE: Well, my goodness.
(SLURPS)
Look who else is at our favorite skating rink,
friend Vickie and serving boy Spud.
Would it help if I apologized
for implying you're not attractive?
Not really.
Grape.
(MOANS)
What are you guys doing here?
Fanning the flames of fate, my friend.
Fanning flames.
Vickie, why don't you show us your stuff while Spud runs laps
-and does my algebra homework? -Aye-aye, sir.
(SIGHS)
I'll go look for a first aid station.
What is going on, Trixie?
I told you. You owe me,
and I'm going to make sure she gets everything you tried to cheat her out of.
Dates, romance, gala finale at the museum.
Who knows? Maybe she really is the one fate picked out for you.
But I don't like Vickie.
That's just because you're stuck on her outward appearance.
I know she's not your standard princess doll,
but if you'll let me show off
-her inner beauty and talents... -Ooba, ooba, ooba. Scree!
Al-la-la-la-la-la!
Uh. Trix? Thanks for the show.
But I'm still going to pass.
Danika!
Yo, girl, I thought you said you danced like an ice princess.
Sure. Of course.
That's exactly how Princess Kirana of the ice planet
Jol Thorpe Prime would do it.
He doesn't like me, does he?
What? Girl, don't be...
It's okay. Most people don't.
You get used to it.
See you around school.
Not that you have to if you don't want to.
You wave first so I'll know, okay?
FU: Voila. Fresh from mega's bazaar.
One standard issue EFM recorder.
Enchanted frequency modulation.
Picks up all the magical wavelengths.
If there really is siren singing going on,
it'll record the proof.
Of course to get a good signal you're gonna have to be close to the girl.
I'll do it.
If that's okay with you, beautiful goddess of...
Uh. Is talking going to decheese my piggies?
No, ma'am.
(DINGS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(EERIE SOUND RESONATES)
(GASPS)
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, what do you think? Huh?
So pretty, pretty.
Is that proof enough for you, Casa-no-brain?
Okay, that is definitely some siren singing.
Well, thank you.
-It's about time... -So, the question now is,
-who's trying to frame my new lady? -What?
You guys don't know Danika like I've gotten to know her this week.
She can't be a siren. I'd know it if she was.
I am sorry, Jake, but I cannot allow you to see this girl.
We will alert the dragon council for a formal investigation.
You can't do that. It's the last night of the bachelor auction week.
We're supposed to go to the Medieval Museum.
Look, I don't mean to put you out, Jakey
but maybe if you hadn't been so shallow, you would be going.
What? With Vickie? Is that what this is all about?
I like the pretty girl better than a super freak?
So everybody's got to come down on me?
Women are like sushi rolls, kid.
It's always the pretty looking ones that'll set your guts on fire...
(STOMACH GROANS)
Excuse me. It's the sashimi.
Okay. You're right... All of you.
I've been selfish, shallow, and blind.
I'll call Danika and tell her it's off.
Trix, if you still got extra tickets for tonight,
I'm willing to find out if me and Vickie were meant to be.
Wow. I was not expecting that call on the old communicator.
You're not under the control of a Glorbian brainworm, are you?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Yeah. Well,
I wasn't really fair with you before,
and it's not just because Danika's sick.
Yeah. Sorry to hear about that.
You want me to call her? I could suggest some holistic...
No! I mean, I should probably call her myself,
make sure she's okay.
Excuse me a minute.
-JAKE: Danika? -I'm here, Jake.
Wow. You look amazing.
Sorry we have to keep it a secret like this.
But there's no way my grandpa would let me come if he knew.
-Are you mad at me? -Are you kidding?
Forbidden love is so romantic.
I figure if I'm not willing to take some risks,
you don't deserve love.
Take... risks.
You just never know when it's going to be the real thing. You know?
That forever, take the plunge kind of real.
Take the plunge.
Must go over the edge.
-Pretty, pretty. -Jakey!
What is going on here?
I think you know exactly what's going on here, Sally siren song.
Hey, Spud, work that thing.
(MAGNETIC ALARM BEEPS)
Bingo! The necklace is red hot!
I... I trusted you.
What are you doing with this?
I didn't steal it. I swear.
Vickie gave it to me after the auction to prove there were no hard feelings.
I knew your friends didn't like me,
but calling me a thief? (WEEPS)
Without even asking me my side of the story,
how could you?
(SOBS)
-Vickie? -What?
Like a siren has to be some oompha la la cutie mama or something?
We could've been great together, Jake.
Like the perfectly aligned Hyrelian twin moons.
Yeesh. Good call picking the other one.
But if I couldn't have you,
there's no way I'd let that little swim chickie take you.
Poor Danika. I almost felt bad giving her the necklace.
It's just easier to use pretty girls.
People always assume they're evil anyway.
Mmm?
But it looks like I'll have to finish this one myself.
I don't think so.
Dragon up.
Whoa. Dragon.
Do I know how to pick them or what?
Guess I should stop holding back then, huh?
(GASPS)
-(ALARM BEEPS) -Whoa!
That's some powerful... Eek!
-So pretty pretty. -So pretty pretty.
Thank you. Now destroy each other.
You think you're pretty slick with the boys, sister?
But how you going to get with the girl power?
(YELPS) She's hurting me.
Snizap. Excuse me.
Gotta bounce.
I got her! She's mine.
Boys are so predictable.
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
Come out, come out, Trixie.
It'll all be over soon,
then I can be with my Vickie forever.
Pretty, pretty Vickie.
I do not want to do this, Jakey.
Believe that, man.
But somebody's got to knock some sense
back into that scaly head of yours.
En garde, playa!
SPUD: Avast, me scurvy dragon.
That lass be the black knight quarry.
Permission to bite him savagely, my pretty pretty?
Hmm... Maybe later.
Charge, my stead! Yah!
Hey, black knight. Your boot's unbuckled.
What? Which one?
Ahhh!
Mmm-mmm.
Wake up, yo!
What is wrong with you that you can't show just a little bit of willpower?
Duh. They're boys.
Oh, right.
(YELLS)
Find her.
Is there anything more inconvenient than being a siren with swimmer's ear?
Cool aerodynamics.
Nice formal wear.
A fire-eating dragon.
-There. Get her. -Check out the suit Trixie gave me.
What? You think that lame dragon costume is better than the Bradster's?
Trust me. When the ladies see my whole knight in shining armor thing
I got going on, they'll be hitting on me like crazy.
Speaking of taking a hit.
Thanks for the save, Trix.
It's cool. I owed you one anyway...
After messing things up for you and Danika.
(WEEPING)
I guess you really shouldn't judge on appearance,
although you kind of did,
and you were kind of right.
Wait. I'm confused. What's the lesson here?
I don't know. Maybe if I hadn't been so shallow,
Vickie would've won the auction fair and square
then she wouldn't have had a reason to go all jealous on me,
although then I'd be going out with a deadly siren.
Hold up. That doesn't sound right either.
What is the lesson here?
Never swim right after a meal? That's always a good one.
Me? I'd have to go with never take romantic advice
from a little girl's folded paper toy.
-I guess so. -Sounds good.
SPUD: That's so true.
Hey, kids, you've already heard what a siren's song sounds like.
Now, the dragon's awkward flame-out.
DANIKA: Jake, I don't want to talk to you.
No, no, listen. Danika, I wrote you a song to apologize.
♪ Sorry, it's what I am ♪
♪ And what I am is a bad man ♪
♪ I hurt you bad ♪
Hey, fool, what's going...yo! Where did you get that?
FU: It's in the interest of public science!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
FU: Yeesh. Good call picking the other one.