[THUNDER]
[WHIRRING]
- IT'S ALIVE!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
[MONKEY SCREECHING]
- OH! I WANT MY SUNDAE.
PFFT! UHHH!
[HARP PLAYING]
[DING]
- WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
- IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
- NONE OF MY BUSINESS? IT ISN'T MY BUSINESS THAT--
- ARE YOU REALLY A TOOTH FAIRY?
- UM, YEAH.
- DAMN RIGHT IT ISN'T.
- MAYBE YOU'RE RATHER BE WITH YOUR WHORE.
- DON'T YOU DARE CALL HER THAT.
- YOU ADMIT IT! YOU UNBELIEVABLE BASTARD.
- THAT IS IT! [SMACK]
I'M GONNA SHUT YOU UP ONCE AND FOR ALL.
- YOU PUT THAT DOWN!
- GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! YOU GET OUT!
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
- SHH.
- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
GET OFF ME. GET OFF ME.
AAH! UH! AAH!
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
[FOOTSTEPS]
- [EXHALES]
[DING]
- YOU BE GOOD NOW.
- YOU ADMIT IT! YOU UNBELIEVABLE BASTARD!
- THAT IS IT! [SMACK]
I'M GONNA SHUT YOU UP ONCE AND FOR ALL.
- YOU PUT THAT DOWN!
- GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
[GUNSHOT AND THUD]
- SHH.
- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
[GLASS BREAKS]
[THUD]
AAH! UH! AAH!
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
[FOOTSTEPS]
- HEY, CHAMP.
UH, OK. PACK UP. YOU AND ME ARE GOING ON A VACATION,
UH, TO DISNEYLAND.
- IS--IS MOM COMING?
- DISNEYLAND!
- I'M GONNA SHUT YOU UP ONCE AND FOR ALL!
- YOU PUT THAT DOWN!
- GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
- SHH.
- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
HEY, GET OFF ME. [SMACK]
AAH! UHH!
[SIREN]
[GUNSHOT]
[THUD]
[SIREN]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[THUD]
- FREEZE!
- FREEZE? WHEN I DROP A FAIRY?
YOU KNOW I AM ONLY GETTING STARTED, MOTHERF--
- HEY! SIR, PUT DOWN THE WEAPON.
PUT DOWN THE WEAPON.
[GUNSHOTS]
- STAY DOWN! - ON THE GROUND!
- SPREAD YOUR LEGS. DON'T MOVE.
PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK, SIR.
[HANDCUFFS LOCKING]
[CAR DOORS CLOSE]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[SIREN]
[CAR DRIVING AWAY]
[BAND PLAYING]
[CHEERING]
CONGRATULATIONS! THIS IS THE DARKEST SKETCH
IN TELEVISION HISTORY!
- DARKEST SKETCH! DARKEST SKETCH! DARKEST SKETCH!
- WHOO! I DID IT! DID YOU GUYS GET THAT?
- DARLING, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
- [AH-CHOO]
- OHH...
- BRRRR.
[SIPPING]
- OH!
- UH, FOLKS, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
SORRY FOR THE LITTLE BUMP.
WE'RE JUST GOING THROUGH A LITTLE TURBULENCE,
AND THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FIRST TIME FLYING,
AND I'M PRETTY NERVOUS.
- OH, DON'T BE. I FLY ALL THE TIME.
IT'S THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL.
- THIS IS THE CAPTAIN AGAIN.
WELL, FOLKS, THE COPILOT JUST WON'T STOP TOUCHING MY WHEEL.
HE'S REALLY ANNOYING.
- FOLKS, THIS IS THE COPILOT, AND IT'S NOT HIS WHEEL.
IT'S THE AIRLINE'S WHEEL,
AND I CAN TOUCH IT IF I WANT TO.
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
[PASSENGERS MURMURING]
- AAH!
- LET GO OF MY HANDS!
- WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF? STOP HITTING YOURSELF.
- HI!
- EXCUSE ME, MR. CHICKEN, BUT CAN YOU TELL ME
WHY YOU CROSSED THE ROAD?
- WHY, SURE, BILLY. I'LL TELL YOU.
- DON'T LET THIS CAR IN. WHAT ARE YOU--
- I HAVE TO. IT'S COMMON COURTESY.
- THIS TRAFFIC IS RIDICULOUS.
I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY TELEPORTER TO WORK TODAY.
I HAVE A TELEPORTER, YOU KNOW. I INVENTED IT MYSELF.
- BLAH, BLAH, BLEE, BLAH.
AND YET EVERY DAY, YOU CARPOOL WITH US.
- UGH! WE'RE IN THE SLOWEST LANE!
OH! THIS MINIVAN IN FRONT OF US IS KILLING ME!
OOH. AN HONOR STUDENT AT THE FANCHER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
NOTE TO SELF: BLOW UP FANCHER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
UGH! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!
- UHH.
- ♪ UH UH ♪
HMM.
[CHUCKLING]
- GRRR!
[AIR HISSING]
- YOU MISSED THE KIDS.
- THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. AH.
- WHAT WAS A GOOD--OH!
- HA HA HA!
- OH! OH! IT'S BURNING MY EYES! THEY'RE WATERING.
- UNLOCK THE WINDOWS!
- BEHOLD THE GASEOUS STENCH OF SKELETOR'S BREAKFAST BURRITO!
HA HA HA HA!
- OH, CRAP.
- OK, OK. DON'T LOOK AT THEM. JUST ACT CASUAL.
- IN YOUR FACE, VILLAINS.
[SHOUTING]
- THIS IS EXIT 32. MERGE OVER.
- I'M SIGNALING, BUT THEY WON'T LET ME IN.
- IT'S COMMON COURTESY!
[TIRES SCREECH]
- WE ARE SO LATE, MAN.
- OH, THERE'S A SPOT.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- TO HELL WITH THIS. I'M TELEPORTING.
- WOW. HE REALLY DID HAVE A TELEPORTER.
- WHAT THE--
- BALDY! BALDY! BALDY!
- SON OF A BITCH.
- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HAIR.
- ♪ HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
[APPLAUSE]
- IS EVERYONE READY FOR MORE OF THOSE HYSTERICAL BLOOPERS?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, THE "TODAY" SHOW HAS BEEN A TRUSTED SOURCE OF MORNING NEWS
FOR MORE THAN 50 YEARS, BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS BORING.
JUST WATCH!
- AND SADLY, LING LING THE PANDA
WAS DESTROYED BY FEDERAL WILDLIFE OFFICIALS.
IN A RELATED STORY--
- UH!
- IN A RELATED STORY,
TRAFFIC ON NEW YORK CITY'S BROOKLYN BRIDGE
WAS BROUGHT TO A STANDSTILL TODAY--
- [TARZAN YELL]
- TRAFFIC WAS BROUGHT TO--
- UH!
HI, KATIE.
- SOMEONE GET THE WINDEX.
EVERYONE REMEMBERS "MISTER ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD."
BUT THINGS WEREN'T ALWAYS HUNKY-DORY IN THE HOOD.
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHARING IS?
SOMETIMES IT'S NICE TO--OW.
PETER, COME OVER HERE, PLEASE.
THE TRAIN TRACK IS TOO CLOSE TO THE LAKE.
I GOT A SHOCK. WEREN'T WE GONNA SOLVE THIS PROBLEM?
- I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, THE LAKE IS--UH!
- WE'RE SOLVING THE PROBLEM, PETER.
SOLVING THE PROBLEM. SOLVING THE PROBLEM.
- [GASPING]
- SOLVING THE PROBLEM.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
NOW GET READY FOR ONE OF THE BIGGEST BLOOPERS
OF ALL TIME!
- THIS JUST IN--
CNN CALLS THE STATE OF FLORIDA FOR AL GORE.
THAT MEANS GORE HAS WON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
THANK YOU, JESUS.
- WE SURE DODGED THAT BULLET.
- OOPS.
THE TOP-RATED "CSI" IS FULL OF TWISTS AND TURNS,
AS WELL AS ITS SHARE OF UNEXPECTED BLOOPER ACTION!
- HA HA HA!
YOU GUYS! AW, THAT WAS-- THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY.
OH, [BEEP]. I [BEEP] CUT MYSELF.
IT'S REALLY BAD. IT'S DEEP.
[BEEP]
OW.
- THIS BULLET CASING SHOULDN'T BE HERE
IF THE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE 10 METERS WEST.
- [FART]
- HA HA HA!
- SORRY. THAT WAS ME. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. SORRY.
[FART]
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
- NOW IT'S TIME FOR THOSE AMAZING SPORTS BLOOPERS.
THEY'RE ALWAYS A HOME RUN.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- YEEAH!
OH! UH!
- UH!
- OW! UH! AH!
- [SCREAMING]
- OOH! AAH!
- [LAUGHTER]
- THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, BUT COME BACK NEXT TIME
FOR MORE OF THOSE CA-RAZY BLOOPERS!
- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[CHICKEN CLUCKING A SONG]
[OTHER CHICKENS JOIN IN]
- BAWK! - BAWK.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--