CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
[DRILL]
- IT'S ALIVE!
[APPLAUSE]
- GREETINGS.
YOU KNOW, FREEDOM OF SPEECH
IS THE MOST VALUABLE RIGHT OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
AND SO, TO HONOR OUR FIRST AMENDMENT,
I WILL NOW FART THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
I RECOMMEND YOU VIDEOTAPE THIS MOMENT
AND WATCH IT AGAIN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY.
[FARTING]
[SQUIRTING]
HA HA HA! OOPS!
I JUST CRAPPED MYSELF. HA HA!
STAY IN SCHOOL, KIDS.
- WHOO-HOO!
WHOO-HOO!
- WELL, IT'S YOUR BABY, DOUGLAS!
- AAH!
- OK. THIS IS GONNA HURT...
[CHAIN SAW BUZZING]
A LOT.
EXPERIENCING A TWIST ENDING
AT THE END OF A MOVIE CAN BE FUN.
YOU CAN GET IN ON THAT FUN
WITHOUT HAVING TO SIT THROUGH ALL THAT HOLLYWOOD CRAP.
ENJOY.
[RETCHING]
- ARE WE STILL GOING TO DO IT?
- TURN TO THE DARK SIDE AND JOIN ME.
- I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!
YOU KILLED MY FATHER!
- NO, LUKE. I AM YOUR FATHER.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
- AND PRINCESS LEIA IS YOUR SISTER.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT'S...IMPROBABLE.
- AND THE EMPIRE WILL BE DEFEATED BY EWOKS.
- THAT'S...
VERY UNLIKELY.
- AND AS A CHILD,
I BUILT C-3PO.
- HUH?
- AND THE FORCE?
WELL, THAT'S JUST MICROSCOPIC BACTERIA IN YOUR BLOODSTREAM
CALLED MIDICHLORIANS.
- LOOK, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY,
I'M OUT.
- OH, MY GOD!
ANGELA'S THE KILLER, AND SHE WAS REALLY A BOY!
- OH, MY GOD!
SOMEBODY REMEMBERED THIS MOVIE
AND WROTE A COMEDY SKETCH ABOUT IT!
- IS ANYONE THERE?
I COME FROM A VILLAGE WHERE WE THINK IT'S 1886.
I'VE BROKEN OUR TABOO ABOUT ENTERING THE FOREST
TO FIND MEDICINE FOR MY FIANCE.
HELLO?
[HONK HONK]
THAT--THAT WAS A REALLY WEAK TWIST.
- YEAH. SORRY ABOUT THAT, FOLKS.
- WASN'T THAT GREAT?
AND AS AN ADDED TWIST,
I'M JUST 3 DUCKS IN A MAN COSTUME.
GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- OH, THAT WAS CLOSE.
- SHE'S GONNA DO IT.
- PREVIOUSLY ON "TEEN TITANS"...
[BURP]
- WE WERE CLEARLY OUTMATCHED, TEAM,
SO I'VE ADDED TWO NEW TEAM MEMBERS.
- UH, HUH HUH HUH HUH. - HUH HUH HUH. YEAH!
HUH HUH HUH. YEAH!
♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA ♪
BATMAN!
HUH HUH HUH. BATMAN.
- NICE BELT.
- YEAH! HA HA.
HAVE YOU TWO GONE OVER THE NEW MISSION SPECS YET?
- HUH HUH. UH, NO.
- BUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS IN THERE.
- HUH HUH HUH! ASS-IGNMENT.
- LISTEN, GUYS. AREN'T YOU SERIOUS ABOUT BEING TITANS?
- UH, NO.
- WE CAN'T DEFEAT THIS CREATURE BY TRADITIONAL MEANS,
SO CYBORG WHIPPED UP THESE NUCLEAR-POWERED BATTLE SUITS FOR US.
- IF WAS THAT BEAST DUDE, I'D BE A MONKEY,
AND I'D WHIP MY OWN CRAP AT PEOPLE.
- HUH HUH HUH. YEAH.
WHEN HE'S A DOG, I BET HE LICKS HIS OWN NUT SACK.
- HUH HUH HUH! THAT WOULD RULE.
- BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD,
DO YOU TWO HAVE ANYTHING TO CONTRIBUTE?
- UH, YEAH.
I HAVE, LIKE, A QUESTION OR SOMETHING.
THAT CHICK HAS ORANGE BOOBS.
- YEAH. HUH HUH HUH!
- GRRRR!
- HA HA HA!
- YOU GUYS NEED TO APOLOGIZE
TO STARFIRE RIGHT NOW.
- THAT CHICK'S JUST MAD BECAUSE, LIKE,
GOTH MUSIC SUCKS.
HUH HUH HUH.
- HUH HUH HUH!
[ALARM BLARING]
- THE PROXIMITY ALARM!
INTO YOUR BATTLE SUITS, EVERYBODY.
YOU TWO, COME WITH ME.
OUR SUITS ARE POWERED BY THIS NUCLEAR GENERATOR,
BUT IT WILL ONLY WORK FOR A SHORT TIME.
YOU NEED TO WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL,
THEN FLIP THE SWITCH TO TURN IT ON.
GOT IT?
GOOD! DON'T WORRY. WE'LL WIN THIS BATTLE.
WE'RE THE TEEN TITANS.
- I'M HUNGRY. - YEAH.
- BEAVIS, BUTT-HEAD, FLIP THE SWITCH.
- NACHOS RULE! - YEAH.
- GUYS. GUYS?
FLIP THE SWITCH. FLIP IT NOW!
- UH, WAS THERE, LIKE, SOMETHING WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO?
- YEAH. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO, UH,
TURN THE KNOB OR SOMETHING.
- HUH HUH HUH. "KNOB." HUH HUH.
- WHY? WHY DIDN'T YOU--
- ♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA ♪
BATMAN!
HUH HUH HUH HUH!
- BATMAN.
- ARF!
- FEH! YOU LITTLE BASTARD.
- HUH.
- TODAY MARKS THE 13th ANNIVERSARY
OF THE DEATH OF A TRUE BRITISH HERO.
ON THIS DATE IN 1992,
THE GREAT COMEDIC VOICE OF BENNY HILL
WAS SILENCED FOREVER.
WE NOW TAKE YOU BACK TO THAT SOMBER DAY.
- OOF!
[WHISTLING]
- SERVED! SERVED! SERVED! SERVED! SERVED! SERVED!
SERVED! SERVED!
- AND SO EACH HALLOWEEN,
THE GREAT PUMPKIN RISES OUT OF THE PUMPKIN PATCH
AND GIVES HALLOWEEN PRESENTS TO ALL THE GIRLS AND BOYS.
FOR SOME REASON,
HE'S NEVER ACTUALLY APPEARED TO ME PERSONALLY.
BUT THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT.
ARISE! ARISE, O GREAT PUMPKIN!
FINALLY!
NOW YOU CAN GIVE ME PRESENTS.
AAH!
- JUST KICK THE BALL, YOU BLOCKHEAD.
- BUT EVERY TIME I TRY,
YOU JUST TAKE THE BALL AWAY.
- THIS TIME I WON'T. COME ON ALREADY!
- MAYBE THIS TIME SHE MEANS IT.
I'M GOING TO DO IT.
I'M GOING TO KICK THE FOOTBALL.
THIS IS IT!
- AAH!
- THAT'S FOR YEARS OF HUMILIATION, BITCH.
- WHAT THE--
AAH!
- POOR LINUS.
- THAT BLOCKHEAD. EVERYONE'S A BLOCKHEAD.
BLOCKHEADS. BLOCKHEADS. BLOCKHEADS!
- WA WAA WA WA WA WAA. WA WAA WAA.
- WHAT DID HE SAY?
- UGH! I NEVER HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT ANY ADULT SAYS.
IT'S ALWAYS THAT "WA WA WA" CRAP.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE
TO BURY WHAT LITTLE THEY FOUND OF LINUS
IN HIS SECURITY BLANKET.
- THAT STUPID BLANKET.
I KNEW HE WAS NEVER RIGHT IN HIS HEAD.
- [HOWLING]
- OH, MY SWEET BABOO!
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!
I WON'T LEAVE HIM! I WON'T!
LINUS! LINUS! I CAN'T!
- THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM THE TIME WE GOT LOST IN FRANCE,
OR WHEN WE ALMOST DROWNED DURING THE GREAT RIVER RAFT RACE.
I FEAR JUST HAVING A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
WITH STRONG CHRISTIAN OVERTONES
WON'T SAVE US THIS TIME.
- HOLD ME, SIR.
- I SAID "STRONG CHRISTIAN OVERTONES."
I'M AT THE END OF MY ROPE, LUCY.
EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAD BESIDES YOU AND ME.
- [GASP]
- I THOUGHT BEING STUCK
AS A PRE-PUBESCENT BALD KID FOR 50 YEARS
COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE.
[SIGH]
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
- YOU SHOULD LET THE GREAT PUMPKIN EAT YOU.
[ROARING]
- AUGH!
[PANTING]
- [ROARING]
OOH.
- MEET THE KITE-EATING TREE,
YOU UGLY SON OF A BITCH.
- AAH!
- IT'S OVER.
IT'S FINALLY OVER.
[SIGH]
REST, MY FRIENDS.
NOW YOU CAN REST.
[THEME FROM "PEANUTS" PLAYING]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
[CHICKENS CLUCKING THEME SONG]