CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- IT'S ALIVE !
- YEP.
[SIGHS]
[DING DONG]
- OH, WILL IT HURT?
- ONLY IF GOD HATES YOU.
- HEY, MAMA MIA!
THE CANNOLI, EH, LASAGNA!
- HEY, PASTA FAZUL, A SPICY MEATBALL!
[WHISTLING]
[DING DONG]
- DUDE, IT'S TIME TO PIMP YOUR SISTER.
- OH, YEAH!
MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE--
YO, MAN, MY SISTER RIGHT IN THERE.
COME PIMP THAT BITCH OUT!
- WAIT! W-WAIT!
WAIT! I HAVE HOMEWORK.
- HEY, LADIES!
- WE GON' PIMP YOU OUT!
- GIRL, YOU GOT SERIOUS LIBRARIAN HAIR.
- YOU EVER SEE A HO SHOP AT THE GAP?
- YOU GOT THE POSTURE OF A LAMP POST, GIRL.
WE GOT TO GIVE YOU SOME PROSTI-TUDE.
- IF WE GO WITH A LEOPARD PRINT TANK TOP,
THAT'S A LITTLE TOO SOUTHEAST NEWARK.
SO WE'RE GOING WITH MORE OF A CHEETAH PATTERN.
- GARTER BELTS AIN'T JUST FOR WEDDINGS, HONEY CHILD.
YOU CAN TUCK A WEAPON IN THERE.
AT FIRST, I WAS PRETTY NERVOUS,
BUT THESE HOS ARE ALL ABOUT CLASS.
- SOMETIMES A JOHN WILL WANT TO DO THAT WITH YOU,
AND THAT'LL COST $10.
- EWW.
- THIS ONE--$50.
- UGH.
- AND THIS ONE GON' REQUIRE A CREDIT CARD.
- AGAIN! - DON'T PLAY ME!
- ALL RIGHT, ALEX, NOW WE AIN'T HAD A LOT TO WORK WITH HERE,
BUT, YO, CHECK OUT YOUR NEW SISTER!
- ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE.
[GASPS]
OH, DAMN!
OH, YOU PUT THE HEELS--
AND, OH, YOU GOT THIS GARTER--
DAMN...
OH, DAMN!
IT'S THE NEW ME--
NOT JUST ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT ON THE INSIDE, TOO.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- IT'S SO HARD WHEN THEY LEAVE.
IT'S SO HARD.
- HEY, Y'ALL!
HEY, YO, MAN!
YO, COME GET A PIECE OF MY SISTER!
WHO WANTS TO GET UP IN MY SISTER'S ASS?
- OH, HELLO, MR. JOHNSON.
- HELLO, AMY.
DO YOU TAKE CREDIT CARDS?
- EWW.
- WE'LL BE DEAD SOON.
- OW.
I'M TELLING MY DAD.
- WELCOME TO "THE SURREAL LIFE."
- COME ON, COME ON.
GET DOWN.
- LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT "THE SURREAL LIFE" GANG HAS BEEN UP TO RECENTLY.
- WE WERE REALLY EXCITED TO PARTICIPATE
IN THE IDITAROD DOGSLED RACE...
TILL ONE OF THE DOGS FELL IN LOVE WITH MANNY MO.
- HELP! THE DOG--
AAH!
- LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN STORE
FOR OUR "SURREAL LIFE" FOLKS TODAY.
- WE HAVE TO TAKE THE ONE RING
AND DESTROY IT IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM.
- OOH!
- WAIT, SOMETHING'S COMING!
- AAH!
- THERE'S NO WAY I'M DOING THIS.
SOMEBODY BETTER GET ME A CAB
BECAUSE I'M GOING--
- WE MUST HELPS THEM.
THEY'S OUR FRIEND.
THEY HATES MANNY MO.
NO, THEY LOVES US.
IF THEY DIES, WE GO GET PIZZA.
AAH! AAH!
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
[URINATING]
- AHH.
[ROARING]
- AAH!
- BACK TO THE FIRES THAT FORGED YOU, EVIL TRINKET!
WHOA!
- OH!
- COREY, YOU SAVED ME, BRO.
- YOU CAN BURN IN HELL.
I JUST WANT THE RING.
- COREY, NO!
[SPLAT]
OH, BRO!
- OH, FRIENDS, REMEMBER ME FONDLY...
IN "STAND BY ME" AND IN "THE LOST BOYS"--
ONLY THE FIRST HALF.
WAIT, AND "FRIDAY THE 13th" WAS PRETTY GOOD--
- NEXT TIME ON "THE SURREAL LIFE"...
- WELL, RON AND I HAD TO CHECK OUT A SUSPICIOUS METEOR.
[BEEPING]
[ROARS]
- BOO !
HEH HEH HEH.
[SCREAMING]
- YOU DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE THAT EASY, DID YOU?
CHOCOLATE CHICKEN EGGS FOR EVERYONE!
- 1, 2, 3, 4!
WE LOVE IT WHEN OUR PLAYERS SCORE!
5, 6, 7, 8!
DOUBLE ENTENDRES ARE REALLY GREAT!
- I WANT TO GO TO DALLAS, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
- WE'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,
WE'LL HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE FOR MONEY
AND GIVE IT TO YOU.
- YEAH!
- OH, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!
- WE'RE SOAKING WET FROM WASHING YOUR CAR, MR. THRUSTBONE.
- IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE WE CAN DO FOR YOU?
- I'LL GIVE YOU $20 FOR ALL OF US TO GO CRAZY.
- WOW!
$20 IN 1978 DOLLARS IS A LOT.
- YEAH! UH-HUH!
UNH! UNH! UNH!
- YEAH!
OH, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTER'S FRIENDS.
OH, YEAH.
OH! OH!
- WATCH OUT FOR THE ICING.
DANG IT.
- WE RAISED $39.
- THAT'S EXACTLY ENOUGH TO GET TO DALLAS.
YAY!
I'M FINALLY IN DALLAS.
- MOO.
- OH, I WONDER HOW MUCH IT IS TO GET BACK.
- I'M STEPPING DOWN THE LADDER AND--
UH-OH! OH.
UH-OH, I'M FALLING.
YEAH.
YEAH, I'M FALLING ON THE MOON.
YES, I'M FALLING ON THE MOON.
[THUD]
- AAH!
OK, UH, HAILING FREQUENCIES ARE OPEN.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
[TALKING STOPS]
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
[SIGHS]
- IS HE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN?
- WRONG, YOUR RESERVATIONS ARE.
FOR US TO LISTEN TO RAY GRIFFITHS,
THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE POWER DROID IN "EPISODE IV,"
THIS IS ROOM IS SCHEDULED.
- I RESERVED ROOM A-2
TO WATCH THE "STAR TREK" BLOOPER REEL
WHERE DeFOREST KELLEY GRABS MAJEL BARRETT'S CHEST.
THE PRIME DIRECTIVE DEMANDS THAT YOU LEAVE THE PREMISES.
- THE PRIME DIRECTIVE SUCKS.
- YOU SUCK, YOU NERF HERDER!
- OOH, SEVEN OF NINE...
- I HEARD ONE WILLIAM SHATNER
IS GOING TO DO A GUEST SPOT ON "ENTERPRISE"
AND NOT AS KIRK!
[GASPING]
- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
[MAKING SWOOSHING SOUNDS]
- GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,
WE COULD DISCUSS THIS LOGICALLY.
[ALL SHOUTING]
- EXCUSE ME, I'M RAY GRIFFITH.
OH, MY FACE!
- YOU KIDS STOP.
NO FIGHTING.
OH, GET OFF ME. OW.
MY NECK, MY SPINE.
OH, NO, NOT LIKE THIS.
- EXCUSE ME, BUT ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
ENGAGED IN A GAME OF LARP--
LIVE ACTION ROLE-PLAYING?
I HAPPEN TO BE AN OLD HAND AT IT.
AAH!
LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!
FIRE--FIRE--
- EXCUSE ME, THAT'S IMPOLITE.
OW!
STOP!
OH, THAT'S IT!
- ALL SYSTEMS READY.
- DON'T WORRY, MR. SCHUMACHER,
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
[GASPS]
- JOEL SCHUMACHER IS HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER.
- GET HIM!
LET'S GET HIM!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
- GOT HIM!
I GOT HIM!
- KEEP IT COMING.
- OK, GOT IT. GOT IT.
- GET ANOTHER ONE. GET ME ANOTHER ONE.
- SHAME ON YOU.
YOU'VE ALL FORGOTTEN THE TRUE MEANING OF FANDOM.
WE SHOULD TAKE JOY IN OUR LOVES,
NOT ARGUE ABOUT THEM.
[LAUGHS]
SON OF A BITCH!
[GUNSHOTS]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
[CHICKENS CLUCKING THEME SONG]