CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- IT'S ALIVE!
- OH, MY GOD!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT IS IT--
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF IT!
WHY DIDN'T WE BRING A GUN?
- THIS IS THE TRUE STORY...
- THE TRUE STORY...
- OF 7 STRANGERS...
- PICKED TO LIVE IN HOUSE...
- AND HAVE THEIR LIVES TAPED...
- TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE STOP BEING POLITE...
- AND START GETTING REAL.
- "THE REAL WORLD: METROPOLIS."
- UGH!
PEOPLE IN THIS HELLHOLE JUST DON'T RESPECT PERSONAL PROPERTY.
- LISTEN, I KNOW SOMEONE'S BEEN IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
- OK, WHICH ONE OF YOUR PERVERTS WAS IT,
BECAUSE IT'S SICK.
- YOU CHICKS ARE SERIOUSLY PARANOID.
- I FOLD THEM IN A VERY PARTICULAR WAY, FALCON--
IN LITTLE SQUARES.
- IT WAS PROBABLY YOU.
- AAH!
IT NOT HULK!
HULK SWEAR!
- OF COURSE IT WAS THE HULK.
- AAH!
- IT WAS ME.
HELLO, KITTY!
MEOW!
- LISTEN, UH, I DON'T MEAN TO BE NITPICKY OR ANYTHING,
BUT THE LIVING ROOM HASN'T BEEN VACUUMED IN WEEKS AND--
- HEY, WATERMAN, I WAS BUSY,
YOU KNOW, REALIGNING THE PLANET OR SOMETHING.
- BUT YOU DREW VACUUMING OUT OF THE JOB JAR AND EVERYONE ELSE--
- FACE IT.
WHO'S GOING TO SAVE EARTH FROM A GIANT METEOR
WHILE SUPERMAN'S VACUUMING?
YOU?
I DON'T THINK SO.
- I COULD.
HEY!
NOBODY SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND HOW USEFUL I AM, YOU KNOW?
I'M REALLY CAPABLE.
I CAN DO LOTS OF STUFF, YOU KNOW?
LOTS!
I CAN DO STUFF LIKE, UM--
LIKE, I CAN--
YOU KNOW, I...
[SOBBING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- THEY STILL HAVEN'T FORGIVEN ME FOR THAT STUPID PARTY.
WOO!
COME ON, BABY!
WHO WANTS TO PET THIS [BLEEP]?
[BURPS]
I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS PLACE,
SOME KIND OF A NUN FACTORY?
I JUST...
[BURPS]
- GOT TO GO!
GOT TO GO!
AAH!
- HEY, UH, OCCUPIED.
OCCUPIED!
HEY!
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
- JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS.
- OH, MAN, I WANT TO BE RED.
I HATE BLACK.
- OH, IT'S LIKE THAT?
SO I'M THE TOKEN BLACK SUPERHERO, HUH?
WELL, THEY MIGHT HAVE WANTED TIM MEADOWS,
BUT THEY GOT THE FALCON,
AND YOU DAMN WELL BETTER RESPECT THE FALCON.
OF COURSE, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY SUPERPOWERS.
MAN, MY COSTUME SUCKS.
- COME AND GET IT, LITTLE GUYS.
HELLO?
I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME.
I'M AQUAMAN.
- TROUBLE AT HOME?
- ANSWER ME, YOU LITTLE BITCHES!
- IF YOU LEAVE YOUR TOWELS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR,
WE START GETTING THAT MILDEW SMELL.
- IT'S GROSS!
- HAVE A LITTLE COMMON COURTESY FOR THE REST OF US.
- THE BAT SIGNAL.
- HUH.
I WONDER WHERE HE'S ALWAYS GOING IN SUCH A HURRY.
[URINATING]
- MY GOOD PLATES!
- DISHES DONE.
DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS,
FITTING IN HERE CONTINUES TO BE QUITE A CHORE.
IT...CONFOUNDS ME.
- ON MY PLATES.
MY GOOD CHINA PLATES.
- RELAX, WONDERGIRL.
- WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
- I--I AM THE NIGHT!
[WHISTLING]
- WONDERGIRL?
HUH.
WONDERGIRL.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT BATMAN, OK?
HE'S THE SAME AS THE REST OF THESE GUYS AROUND HERE.
THEY'RE AFRAID OF WOMEN.
THEY'RE AFRAID OF THE ALMIGHTY UTERUS.
ALMIGHTY UTERUS!
- NEXT TIME ON "REAL WORLD"...
- I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET.
WHAT DO YOU NEED MEN FOR ANYWAY, HUH?
HOW ABOUT A SMILE?
THERE YOU GO.
- I'LL DO IT.
I'LL DO IT, MAN. I'LL TOTALLY DO IT.
- YOU WON'T DO IT.
[BOTH STUTTERING]
- YAHTZEE!
- THAT'S IT!
- MEOW.
- AAH!
- A-A-AH.
[GRUNTING]
- FOR AMERICA!
- WHERE'S THE BUNNY?
WIGGLE YOUR BIG TOE.
GREAT.
I AM JESUS, YOU KNOW.
- YA SHI MA NA!
- HI-YAH!
- OY!
- AAH! AAH!
- 5-FINGERED PALM OF DEATH.
LET ME TRY THAT AGAIN.
- THANKS.
- IT'S WHAT I DO.
- YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THAT EASY, DID YOU?
- FOR A SECOND THERE,
YEAH, I KIND OF DID.
- YOUR CHANGE, SIR.
- KHAN!
[SCREAMING]
KHAN!
- THE NEXT HOT GAME SHOW
HAS JUST BEEN IMPORTED FROM JAPAN.
- YOU WANT MILLION DOLLAR?
YOU WIN CRAZY SMILE FACE MILLION DOLLAR!
FIRST, YOU EAT.
FOOD IS POWER.
THE POWER!
WHO POOP LAST?
YOU WIN ONE MILLION MR. MIGHTY JOE DOLLAR WHEN YOU POOP LAST!
WHO POOP LAST?
MAO! MAO!
- I'M BILL CLINTON.
I'M GOING TO PUSH OVER THAT COW.
OOH, THERE I GO AND DID IT!
- WELCOME TO ANOTHER THRILLING EDITION OF "ZOMBIE IDOL."
[APPLAUSE]
LAST WEEK, AMERICA VOTED IN RECORD-SHATTERING NUMBERS.
IN FACT, PHONE LINES WERE JAMMED SO BADLY
THAT MAJOR METROPOLITAN AREAS TEMPORARILY LOST 911 SERVICE.
HUNDREDS DIED.
IT ALL STARTED WITH THE AUDITIONS,
AS THE REANIMATED CORPSES OF ROCK AND ROLL
ALL COMPETED FOR A SPOT ON OUR SHOW.
PAST PERFORMANCES FROM ZOMBIES SUCH AS JOHN LENNON
AND THE BEACH BOYS TORE UP OUR STAGE.
COMPETITION HAS BEEN HOT AND HEAVY.
IT'S TIME TO MEET OUR JUDGES.
GIVE IT UP FOR FRANKENBERRY.
- YEAH.
YEAH, DAWG.
YEAH.
- LET'S HEAR IT FOR BOO BERRY.
- I HOPE OUR CONTESTANTS JUST HAVE FUN
AND, YOU KNOW, BE THEMSELVES,
AND PRETTY, PRETTY SPACE PEOPLE,
AND A PUPPY.
- AND LAST AND CERTAINLY NOT LEAST,
PLEASE WELCOME COUNT CHOCULA.
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
- WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE TONIGHT'S PERFORMANCES
ARE BETTER THAN LAST WEEK'S GHASTLY AFFAIR.
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
- NICE OUTFIT.
ISN'T IT GAUCHE TO WEAR BROWN AFTER LABOR DAY?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
- I DON'T KNOW, RYAN.
ISN'T IT GAUCHE TO BE A COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG
ON NATIONAL TV EACH WEEK?
- NOT WHEN YOU'RE PAID LIKE ME.
IT'S TIME FOR OUR FIRST PERFORMANCE OF THE EVENING.
HERE'S BOB MARLEY.
[MOANING]
[POLICE SIREN]
- YEAH, DAWG.
YOU DID YOUR THING.
- MARMALADE.
- DREADFUL.
- DON'T FORGET TO TEXT MESSAGE YOUR VOTES AT THE END OF THE SHOW
BECAUSE PHONE COMPANIES MAKE FAR MORE MONEY THAT WAY.
IT'S TIME TO CHECK IN NOW
WITH OUR VERY OWN ROVING REPORTER KRISTIN HOLT.
WHAT KIND OF HIJINKS ARE GOING ON BACKSTAGE, KRISTIN?
- RYAN, THE ZOMBIES ARE GOING WILD
AFTER ONE OF THE CHILDREN FROM THE GRANT A WISH FOUNDATION
FELL AND CRACKED HIS HEAD OPEN.
- BRAINS.
- IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FEEDING FRENZY.
- L.A. WOMAN...
- AAH! AAH!
AAH!
- THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A ZOMBIE.
BLOW THEY'RE [BLEEP] HEAD'S OFF, BABY.
- DON'T FORGET TO TELL THEM ABOUT
ALL THE GREAT DEALS AT RADIO SHED, VING.
- DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, EVERYBODY.
GOOD NIGHT FROM "ZOMBIE IDOL."
SEACREST OUT.
- BRAINS.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLY BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
[CHICKENS CLUCKING THEME SONG]
- BAWK!
- BUCK.