[LAUGHING]
[WHIRRING]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- IT'S ALIVE!
- MATTHEW, TIME FOR DINNER!
- ♪ I'LL PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE ♪
♪ I'LL PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE ♪
♪ TO THE UNITED STATES OF LOVE ♪
- THAT WAS GREAT, GUYS. LET'S TAKE 5.
- WOW! IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
- THIS COMEBACK IS GONNA BE DA BOMB!
- I'M GETTING A BOTTLE OF WATER.
DO YOU DUDES WANT ANY?
- BRING ME A GLASS FILLED WITH
ONE-HALF CRISTAL, ONE-HALF BELUGA CAVIAR.
- I DON'T THINK WE HAVE THAT.
- WOW, JUSTIN'S REALLY CHANGED, DUDE.
- [SCREAMING]
- THE YAKUZA!
- WE WARN YOU ONCE, N'SYNC!
NOW WE WARN YOU AGAIN--
WITH DEATH!
- OW!
- AAH! HOLD UP!
YOU SHOT ME!
- HEY, THEY WERE OUT OF BELUGA CAVIAR,
BUT THEY HAD SOME NICE SEVRUGA--
OH, NO!
DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!
- WE WOULD NOT WASTE OUR BULLETS
ON A SIMPLE ROADIE.
- ROADIE?
I'M IN THE BAND!
- [LAUGHING]
- OH, MY BROTHERS!
I SWEAR I WILL AVENGE YOU--
BUT HOW?
"YAKUZA INVITATIONAL MARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT...
ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!"
HOW UNLIKELY?
BUT PERFECT!
- YOU CAN'T ENTER THAT TOURNAMENT
WITHOUT THE PROPER SKILLS, FAT ONE.
- AND WILL YOU TRAIN ME, MR. MIYAGI?
- FIRST OF ALL, I'M PAT-EFFING-MORITA, YOU NUT SACK!
SECOND OF ALL, YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THE TRAINING.
- SO WAS I...
IF YOU'LL REMEMBER.
- DANIEL-SAN, I THOUGHT I SMELLED FAILURE.
THAT TOILET'S NOT GOING TO UNPLUG ITSELF!
FIRST LESSON!
- LET'S WARM UP WITH SOME STRETCHES FIRST.
- COME HERE, YOU.
- OK, LET'S SET SOME GROUND RULES HERE--
[GRUNTS]
I REALLY DON'T THINK I'M LEARNING ANYTHING.
OH, MY GOD! I'M ON FIRE!
[SCREAMING]
- READY? BEGIN.
- TOTALLY AWESOME!
- ATTACK! - TUBULAR!
- RADICAL! - AWESOME!
- REAGANOMICS!
- THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!
- TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, FAT ONE.
ONLY ONE OF THESE TURTLES IS PLAYED BY COREY FELDMAN.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
COREY FELDMAN.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
COREY FELDMAN.
- PIZZA IS RADICAL!
- MASTER SPLINTER IS WAY COOL!
- TURTLE POWER, DUDE!
- CLEAN, SOBER, BACK ON TELEVISION--
THINGS ARE LOOKIN' UP FOR THE FELDMEISTER!
- HYAH!
- [SCREAMS]
- DANIEL-SAN!
CLEAN-UP ON AISLE 5!
- THERE ARE 42 PRESSURE POINTS ON THE HUMAN BODY
WHICH RESULT IN DEATH.
I WILL SHOW YOU 41.
THE 42nd I MAY SOMEDAY NEED TO USE ON YOU.
HYAH! - MY SPLEEN!
- HYAH! - OOF!
- NOW, I MUST INTRODUCE BADTZ MARU TO HIS GOD.
FAREWELL.
- THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
OMM...
- GOOD LUCK, FAT ONE.
- YOU WON'T BE BY MY SIDE?
- THE TRUE TEST OF A WARRIOR IS TO GO IT ALONE.
BESIDES, I GOT A DUMP BREWING
THAT COULD CHOKE A MONKEY.
- CAN JOEY SURVIVE THE TOURNAMENT?
WILL N'SYNC BE AVENGED?
DOES THIS LOOK INFECTED TO YOU?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON...
"ENTER THE FAT ONE!"
- [SCREAMING]
- HA HA HA! I'M GONNA GET YA!
- PIZZA DELIVERY!
- IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY I COULD PAY FOR THIS?
- HOW CONVENIENT.
- [MOANING] - YEAH!
I'LL DO IT HAWAIIAN STYLE TO YOU, SWEETIE.
- POOL GUY!
- COME IN!
- TAKE MY HAM AND CHEESY GOODNESS!
- AY-AY-YI! THAT'S GOOD!
- PLUMBER!
THE DOOR WAS OPEN, SO I--WOW!
- DO IT! OH, YEAH!
- I'M SNAKING THE DRAIN!
- OOH! - YEAH, PLUNGE IT!
WE ARE ALL HAVING SEX...
TOGETHER!
- [GROANING STOPS]
- SERIOUSLY, THAT'S $12.99 FOR THAT PIZZA.
- DAMN...
JONATHAN IS REALLY TASTY.
- AY!
- AY! MADRE DE DIOS!
- ♪ SPELLING BEE AT THE APOLLO ♪
- DIFFERENT!
D-I-F-R--
[BUZZER]
- [LAUGHTER AND BOOING]
- YOU BLEW IT, GIRL!
- OH, NO, SHE DIDN'T!
- YOU WRONG, GIRL!
- YOU STEPPED IN IT, GIRL!
- SEE YA!
- THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.
BIG FINISH.
- [YAWNS]
WHAT A TWIST!
- [ALIEN VOICES]
- M. NIGHT! IN THE PANTRY!
- DUDE!
OH, MY GOD!
I JUST WANTED TO BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!
- WHAT A TWIST!
- WE NEEDED THE SUGAR
BECAUSE WE'RE BAKING A CAKE FOR A FANCY PARTY.
- AND YOU'RE INVITED, SHYAMABAMA FAMILY!
- DELIGHTFUL!
LET ME JUST CHANGE INTO MY GOOD SUIT!
- OH, HONEY...
YOUR GOOD SUIT IS AT THE CLEANERS.
- WHAT A TWIST!
- SHYAMAMALANAN FAMILY, MEET OUR CHEF.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO SERVE YOU!
- "SERVE US?"
YOU MEAN SERVE US FOR THE MAIN COURSE?
AS IN EAT US?
- LET'S DANCE!
[HUMMING]
- WHAT A TWIST!
- YEAH, YEAH. ONE MORE! ONE MORE!
- WHO DIDN'T USE A MITER JOINT
ON THIS JACK-IN-THE-BOX?
OW!
- OW!
WHY?!
- AND NOW, THE THRILLING CONCLUSION!
- I'M JOEY FATONE!
I'M HERE TO AVENGE THE DEATH OF MY BAND MATES!
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
HERE IS SIGN-UP SHEET.
YOU GO 14th IN LINE.
ALSO, WE GONNA NEED A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.
THERE'S SODA IN THE GREEN ROOM,
AND SOME BROKEN GLASS IF YOU WANT TO ROLL YOUR HANDS IN GLUE.
- THANKS.
I CAN DO THIS.
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S...IT'S!
- HONG KONG PHOOEY!
- NUMBER ONE SUPER GUY!
- HYAH!
[GRUNTING]
OOH! LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE!
WHO'S A GOOD BOY? WHO'S A GOOD BOY?!
COME ON. GET IT, GET IT, GET IT!
LOOK!
- HUH?
- HYAH!
- [CROWD GROANS]
- I NEED THOSE.
HEY, WAIT! OH! WAIT!
- OOH!
YOU GOT SAME TATTOO!
- BAM!
- [CROWD GASPS]
- HEY, JOEY!
YOU CAN DO IT!
- ENOUGH!
[LAUGHS]
- BRITNEY SPEARS?!
BUT WHY WOULD YOU KILL N'SYNC?
- N'SYNC?
NO, I KILLED REO SPEEDWAGON.
I [BLEEP] HATE THOSE GUYS.
- ACTUALLY... - REALLY?
LOOKS LIKE I GOT SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH REO SPEEDWAGON.
BEAT IT, FAT ONE.
- YOU WAIT!
- [CROWD OOHS] - WHAT?
- MY NAME IS JOEY FATONE.
YOU KILLED MY BAND MATES.
PREPARE TO DIE.
- NOT SO FAST, FAT ONE.
MEET MY HOME GIRLS, CHRISTINA AGUILERA,
AVRIL LAVIGNE,
JESSICA SIMPSON,
JESSICA SIMPSON'S SISTER.
- I'M ASHLEE.
- [SCOFFS]
SHH! THE BIG KIDS ARE TALKING.
- [SNORTS]
5 CHICKS?! I THINK I CAN--
- [LAUGHING]
TOGETHER, WE'RE MORE POWERFUL THAN WE EVER WERE SEPARATELY!
KIND OF LIKE DOING ONE BIG STADIUM TOUR
INSTEAD OF A BUNCH OF STUPID MALL TOURS!
ENUCK-CHUK!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
- I'M FINISHED.
- DON'T WORRY, JOEY.
- WE'LL HELP YOU.
- ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!
- REAGANOMICS!
- OF COURSE!
TOGETHER, WE'RE STRONGER THAN WE EVER WERE SOLO!
RIGHT, JUSTIN?
- WELL, UH...
ALL RIGHT.
- OH, YEAH!
- HERE WE GO!
- [GROWLING]
I'M DOING MY THING!
DON'T YOU TEAR UP MY HEART!
[SCREAMS]
- [SCREAMING]
- GOD SHOULD HAVE SPENT A LITTLE MORE TIME ON YOU!
- [EVIL LAUGHTER]
- OW, MY BOOB!
- YEAH! ALL RIGHT!
- BYE, BYE, BYE.
- ♪ I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE ♪
♪ TO THE UNITED STATES ♪
♪ OF LOVE ♪
- NICELY DONE, FAT ONE.
NOW YOUR MIND AND BODY
TRULY "IN SYNC."
- THAT'S HOW Y'ALL ENDIN' THE SHOW?!
THAT JOKE SUCKED!
THIS WHOLE EPISODE [BLEEP] SUCKED, Y'ALL!
NOW, I'M GONNA KILL JOEY!
HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?!
MAN, IT'S HOT IN THIS BOX!
OH, I HATE YOU, JOEY FATONE!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- [CLUCKING IN RHYTHM]
- ONLY ONE OF THESE TURTLES IS PLAYED BY FORCORY--
FOR FORY CLEL--
CLORY FLU--CLORIS LEACHMAN.