[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
[DRILL] >> IT'S ALIVE!
[MANIACAL LAUGHING] >> EXTRA! EXTRA!
NEWSPAPER BOYS ARE ANACHRONISMS IN MODERN-DAY SOCIETY!
READ ALL ABOUT IT!
>> DUDE, I HEARD THAT SOME KID ATE SOME POP ROCKS AND DRANK
SOME SODA AND HIS STOMACH EXPLODED AND HE DIED, DUDE!
[LAUGHING] >> NO WAY.
THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
>> I DARE YOU TO DO IT.
>> NO WAY.
LET'S MAKE MIKEY DO IT.
HE'LL TRY ANYTHING.
>> I'LL BET YOU A DOLLAR HE DOESN'T.
[BURPS] >> LAME!
HA HA HA!
I KNEW NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.
>> UGH!
>> HE'S GONNA EXPLODE!
[BURPS] [FARTS]
>> GUYS?
UH...GUYS?
GUYS?
[FARTING] >> MOMMY, MOMMY, THAT BOY OUT
THERE IS RUNNING FASTER THAN THE TRAIN!
>> WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING STUPID?
YOU DON'T GET A BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR.
[FARTING, SCREAMING] >> WE GOTTA CAP THAT FIRE!
>> WHOO!
THANKS, MISTER.
[RUMBLING] >> OH, MY GOD!
>> MIKEY!
>> ♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪ [CRACKING]
UGH!
>> ARE WE PATCHED IN?
OVER.
>> YOU ARE A GO.
OVER.
>> DOMINO'S PIZZA.
>> UM, YEAH, HELLO.
I'D LIKE ONE MEAT LOVER'S PIZZA TO BE DELIVERED.
>> NO PROBLEM.
IF IT ISN'T THERE IN 30 MINUTES, IT'S FREE.
LET ME GET THE ADDRESS.
>> YEAH, TRY 1414, "WE'RE IN ORBIT AROUND THE [BLEEP] PLANET"
AVENUE, 'CAUSE WE'RE ON THE SPACE STATION, JERK-WAD!
[LAUGHING] >> THAT'S 23,203 FREE PIZZAS SO
FAR!
>> SIR, SIR, WE'RE ALL OUT OF TWISTY BREAD.
>> LET'S CALL THEM AGAIN!
>> SIR, WHO ARE WE GOING TO CONQUER TODAY?
>> WHOEVER I FEEL LIKE CONQUERING.
GOSH!
>> I THINK EUROPE IS WEAK.
I DON'T KNOW.
WE CAN ATTACK THEM OR SOMETHING.
YOU CAN BE EMPEROR MAYBE.
AS LONG AS I HAVE MY MULE.
>> SWEET!
>> SIR, WE'RE OUTNUMBERED.
>> I WAS OUTNUMBERED BY NINJAS AND WOLVERINES OVER SUMMER
BREAK, BUT I KILLED THEM ALL WITH MY NUNCHUCKS.
GOSH!
IDIOTS.
>> NAPOLEON BONAMITE, YOU ARE HEREBY SENTENCED TO LIVE OUT THE
REST OF YOUR DAYS IN EXILE!
>> SWEET!
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC STOPS]
>> MY DARLING MRS. FLUFFY BOTTOM, OURS IS A LOVE THAN CAN
NEVER BE.
>> MEOW.
>> EVERYTHING FLOATS DOWN HERE!
THAT IS, IF ITS MASS PER UNIT OF VOLUME IS EQUAL TO OR
LIGHTER THAN THAT OF WATER.
>> COMING THIS FALL TO BRAVO, GET READY FOR...
"ASS-PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!" >> ARGH!
I LOVE BEING A NAUGHTY PIRATE!
>> OOH HO, ARGH!
>> BRAVO!
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, WE GOT REALLY, REALLY GAY!
>> YOU SEE TIFFANY YET?
SHE HIT PUBERTY DURING SUMMER BREAK.
>> YOU SERIOUS?
OH, MAN, I CAN'T WAIT!
PUBERTY RULES!
OH, SHH SHH.
THERE SHE IS.
>> WELL, HELLO, BOYS.
>> UH, HEY, TIFFANY.
>> YEAH, WHAT'S UP, TIFFANY?
GOOD SUMMER?
>> HER BOOBS ARE HUGE NOW!
>> AWESOME!
I WANT TO SQUEEZE 'EM!
>> HEY!
[LAUGHING] DON'T!
THAT'S SAND.
YOU BETTER STOP THAT.
>> I RUINED YOUR ICE CREAM!
IT'S MY DAY!
>> HEY, STOP!
HEY, NOW, STOP.
[LAUGHING] >> AH, CHOKE ON IT!
HA HA!
NERD!
[GROANING] >> YOU GONNA TAKE THAT, BOY?
>> WOW!
IT'S RED-HEADED AFRICAN-AMERICAN BASEBALL GREAT BARRY McGUIRE!
>> YES.
I'M VERY AMAZING, AND YOU'RE A NERD.
BUT IF I TRAIN YOU, YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH BULLIES NO
MORE.
AND BY "TRAIN," I MEAN INJECT YOU WITH THIS:
BARRY McGUIRE'S SUPER HAPPY FUN-TIME ANGER GO-GO JUICE.
[GROANING] [GROWLING]
>> SHAZAM!
>> ...AND HE WAS ALL, "PLEASE, MISTER, THAT SAND HURTS."
>> YEAH, YEAH?
AND THEN?
>> I KICKED SOME MORE.
>> HA HA!
YOU ARE A [BLEEP] ARTIST!
UGH!
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT?
[SCREAMING] >> OH, DEAR.
DON'T DO THAT TO ME.
>> OH, MAN.
THAT LOOKS PAINFUL!
>> AARGH!
>> DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS.
>> VERILY I SAY UNTO YOU THAT ONE OF YOU SHALL BETRAY ME.
UGH!
JUDAS!
HA HA, CHEAP SHOT!
OH, LUCKY FOR YOU I'M GONNA TURN THE OTHER--HA HA HA!
HEY, THAT'S MY FLESH YOU'RE THROWING THERE.
HA HA!
>> THIS FALL, GET READY FOR ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE IN THE NEW
TV SERIES "LEWIS AND CLARK."
>> CLARK, WE'VE FOLLOWED THIS RIVER FOR DAYS.
>> WE'LL FOLLOW IT AS FAR AS IT GOES, LEWIS.
>> HOW, EXPLORERS.
DO YOU NEED DIREC-- >> HI-YAH!
>> OH, CLARK.
>> OH, LEWIS.
>> THAT'S, UM...PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE JOKE.
>> AND IT WOULD'VE BEEN A LOT MORE RELEVANT 10 YEARS AGO WHEN
"LOIS AND CLARK" WAS STILL ON THE AIR.
>> I...I HAVE A CONCUSSION.
>> HA HA!
I NEED SOMETHING TO WHET MY WHISTLE.
IT'S A PLAY ON WORDS, JACKASS!
>> D'OH!
[WHISTLE BLOWS] >> NOW, BILLY, YOU MIGHT FEEL
BAD ABOUT TAKING THE LIFE OF AN ANIMAL, BUT...
[GUNSHOT] >> YEAH!
WHAT ELSE DO WE KILL?
>> THAT'S MY BOY.
>> BAM!
ALL RIGHT!
DIE!
[CAT GROWLING] >> OH!
>> WHOO!
BAM!
>> HEY, OH! OH! OH!
>> WHOO-HOO!
>> UH...
>> YEAH!
[GUNFIRE] YEAH!
DIE!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT!
YEAH!
[CLICKING] >> FINALLY OUT OF AMMO THERE,
CHIEF?
>> TIME TO TAKE OL' PAINLESS OUT OF THE BAG.
>> HIGH-CALIBER FUN!
HA HA!
>> HEY, MILK, YOU'VE EXPIRED.
>> WHAT?
>> LIFE DAY...RENEW!
RENEW!
>> GEORGE, DID YOU REMEMBER TO PACK HOPALONGA?
>> HELL, YES, I DID.
I CAN'T OVERSEE THE MIDDLE EAST PEACE PROCESS WITHOUT GOOD OLD
HOPALONG.
BANG BANG!
YOU'RE DEAD, WOMAN.
>> SIR! SIR! SIR!
AIR FORCE ONE, IT'S...MISSING!
>> OH, PICK UP.
PICK UP.
>> TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR-- HELLO?
>> REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY, YOU PLANE SNATCHER!
>> OH, SORRY THERE, W.
HAD TO BORROW THE OLD AF-1.
WE'RE GOING TO BURNING MAN.
WHOO-HOO!
>> PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS AS THE RIDE MAY GET FUNKY.
>> WET BLANKET ALERT ON THE PHONE, Y'ALL!
WHO WANTS MORE JELL-O SHOTS?
WHOO-HOO!
[DIAL TONE] >> SHOOT IT DOWN.
>> "BLACKULA VERSUS BLACKENSTEIN VERSUS THE BLACK MUMMY" WILL NOT
BE SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT WE MAY BRING YOU THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM.
>> HEY, SARAH.
>> YEAH, SETH?
>> HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT MY COUSIN?
SHE EATS NOTHING BY PANCAKES.
>> WOW.
IS SHE OVERWEIGHT?
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
SHE'S STACKED!
[CHAINSAW REVVING] >> HEY, BRECKIN MEYER!
>> YEAH, CHINESE RESTAURANT GUY?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
YOU EVER SEE A CAT-GOPHER?
>> CAT-GOPHER?
WHAT'S A CAT-GOPHER?
>> CAT GO FOR $6 IF I PUT ENOUGH MSG ON IT.
>> HA HA!
SERIOUSLY, IS THIS THE ONLY PART OF THE SKETCH I'M IN?
I JUST SPENT AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES IN TRAFFIC GETTING HERE!
GRANTED, IT'S IN A BENZ, BUT THIS IS HORSE[BLEEP].
[BLEEP] YOU!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING HOME, OK.
YOU CAN KISS MY ASS.
I WAS IN "GARFIELD," MOTHER[BLEEP].
>> SOON YOU WILL BE FREE.
>> BLUE SKIES!
BARTHY BURGERS!
GIRLS!
>> I MEANT SOON YOU WILL BE FREE TO WATCH OUR MOVIES ON DEMAND
SERVICE.
>> THAT'S STILL PRETTY GOOD.
>> UNFORTUNATELY, THE ONLY MOVIE WE HAVE ON DEMAND IS "CHRISTMAS
WITH THE KRANKS."
>> NOOOO!
>> MAC, YOU KNOW I'M A VEGETARIAN.
>> MILA, THIS IS BARTH'S.
THE ONLY REAL MEAT HERE IN THE COCKROACHES.
>> I HEARD THAT.
>> BLECH!
>> NOW, THAT'S COMEDY.
>> PLEASE WELCOME OUR SPECIAL GUEST TONIGHT, VICE PRESIDENT OF
ADULT SWIM, KEITH CROFFORD.
[APPLAUSE] >> THANKS, SETH.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOU ALL ARE DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB
ON "ROBOT CHICKEN."
>> THAT'S GREAT!
SO, WHEN ARE WE GETTING RENEWED FOR ANOTHER SEASON?
>> UM...I DON'T KNOW.
HA HA HA.
YOU'RE CANCELLED.
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]