1
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:06,239
[ Theme music playing ]
2
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,041
[ Laughs ]
3
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,009
[ Lever clicks ]
4
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:18,718
♪♪
5
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,121
It's alive!
6
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,156
[ Robot chicken clucking ]
7
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:28,928
♪♪
8
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,030
[ Laughing evilly ]
9
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:37,704
♪♪
10
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,240
Oh, my God.
We're gonna die!
11
00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,575
I didn't want to do this
in the first place!
12
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:43,977
We're gonna die.
13
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,512
Oh, no,
it's happening!
14
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,180
-Ah!
-Oh, phew.
15
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,615
-Whew!
-Wow, I saw my life
flash before my eyes.
16
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:50,150
-We really avoided --
-That was terrible.
17
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,985
Ah, I thought that
was gonna be so much worse.
18
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:52,986
[ Goose honks ]
19
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,287
-Aww, look at the goose!
-That's so cute.
20
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,722
-So cute, look at that goose.
-Oh, that's so cool.
21
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,529
I heard she took
a two-foot shit.
22
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:03,696
For real?
23
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,230
♪♪
24
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,934
Finally,
home after a long day
25
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:11,204
of being the first president
of the United States.
26
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,839
[ Giggles ]
Who are you?!
27
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I'm George Washington Barbie.
28
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,842
This is my life.
29
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Are you saying you want to
kill me and then pose as me,
30
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George Washington,
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a man who is 6'3",
has wooden teeth,
32
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and is the President
of the United States?
33
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I cannot tell a lie.
34
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[ Gunshot ]
Ah!
35
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,289
Now to complete
my look.
36
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:32,392
[ Grunting ]
37
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:35,061
♪♪
38
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Hmm.
39
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Ahhh!
40
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[ Crying ]
41
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♪♪
42
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Mm, perfect!
43
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Hello, Mr. Washington.
44
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You shrunk, Sir.
45
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Hi, John Adams.
[ Chuckles ] Cute wig.
46
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I am so sorry,
I don't want to ask this,
47
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but aren't you
supposed to be a guy?
48
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I am.
49
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,017
Well, the teeth
are accurate.
50
00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,619
And check this out.
51
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Does this look like
a girl part to you?
52
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I don't know if you know this,
sir,
53
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but your penis
has termites.
54
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[ Screams ]
55
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,228
Ahh!
56
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I declare the White House
a dream house.
57
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[ Applause ]
58
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Man: George Washington Barbie
never told a lie,
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except for the lie
that she was George Washington,
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although she was
George Washington Barbie.
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The end.
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♪♪
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Oh, man.
You have insurance, right?
64
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Nope.
65
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Oh, man.
66
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Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back"
is my favorite movie.
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"Luke, I am your father."
68
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Darth Vader:
No, I am your father.
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[ Stammers ]
That's not the line.
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Young nerd,
Darth Vader never said "Luke"
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in that famous line.
72
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[ Gasps ]
The ghost of Nelson Mandela.
73
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You're experiencing
the Mandela effect.
74
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,142
It's named for
a collective false memory.
75
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Like when people
remember me dying in prison
76
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in the '80s when I actually died
at home in 2013.
77
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Oh, like
"The Berenstain Bears"
78
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,684
actually being
"The Berenstein Bears."
79
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,352
It's actually
the other way around.
80
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,288
Or is it?
81
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,422
Agree to disagree.
82
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,658
Well, we need
to fix "Star Wars."
83
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If only there was a way to go
back in time.
84
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There is.
Take my hand.
85
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Your hand
is a time machine?
86
00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:19,933
Pretty cool, right?
87
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,402
Suck a "D,"
Bill and Ted.
88
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[ Gasps ]
The original script.
89
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,739
I'll fix the line
so it's the way I remember it.
90
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[ Mumbles ]
But there's more!
91
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,477
Remember
when Forrest Gump said,
92
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"Life is like a box
of chocolates"?
93
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He actually said...
94
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Mama always said life was like
a box of chocolates.
95
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We got to correct this.
96
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,524
Excuse me, Mr. Hanks,
the studio said
97
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you got to change
that line.
98
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[ Whispering ]
99
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For legal reasons.
100
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Thanks so much.
101
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Fucking bean counters.
102
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Always stepping
on my art.
103
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Okay, back to one.
104
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,536
Remember Curious George
the monkey?
105
00:03:56,603 --> 00:04:00,173
Well, did you know
he never actually had a tail?
106
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,741
Excuse me, H.A. Rey,
no big deal,
107
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:02,809
just emergency services.
108
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:04,811
Here, I'll take that.
109
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Oh, I knew this monkey
was missing something.
110
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,782
Now let's go back
to current times
111
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to enjoy the fruits
of our labor.
112
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Darth Vader: No, Luke,
113
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I am a closer relative
than you think.
114
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Oh, no, my penmanship.
115
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I made it worse.
It's okay.
116
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Turn on "Forrest Gump."
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Life is a box.
118
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Oh, no.
119
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Well, at least Curious George
doesn't have to say anything.
120
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Turn on PBS.
121
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Not what I pictured,
but I like it.
122
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A big monkey wiener?
123
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,914
I bet everyone
will be curious about that.
124
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[ Both laugh ]
125
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Oh, mm.
Oh, baby.
126
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Unh. Oh, baby.
127
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Do I have to leave
this thing on?
128
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Yeah, you spin that web.
129
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[ Grunts ]
130
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,063
Mmm.
[ Laughs ]
131
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Want a cereal
that tastes great
132
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and helps release
pent-up rage?
133
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,300
Yeah!
134
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,302
Time to give breakfast
what it deserves.
135
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:04,904
Z-oh-diacs --
the nutritious
136
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,372
whole-grain cereal
with the excitement
137
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,074
of a late '60s
killing spree!
138
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,243
Toasted oats
in the same fun shapes
139
00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:11,744
as my cryptograms.
140
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,514
And the back of every box
has a cypher puzzle.
141
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Wow.
Delicious and entertaining?
142
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,151
Who are you?
143
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[ Laughs ]
Nobody knows,
144
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,822
which is why we've mixed in
multi-colored marshmallows
145
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,858
that look like the suspects
people thought I might be.
146
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,427
The police detective,
the librarian,
147
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,594
the Navy veteran.
148
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,596
They even got the guy
with a deathbed confession.
149
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,832
He's -- ha -- delicious!
150
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:33,766
And also not guilty.
151
00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:34,967
Murder-licious!
152
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,136
I hope
they never find you.
153
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,604
It's been 50 years.
154
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,640
I'd say you've got
nothing to worry about,
155
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,341
except the safety
of your parents.
156
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-[ Screams ]
-Z-oh-diacs --
157
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,179
Unsolvably delicious.
158
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,751
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
159
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,053
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
160
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,155
♪ And on that farm,
he had the only chickens ♪
161
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:57,657
♪ Left in the galaxy ♪
162
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♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
163
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,327
♪ With a snap-snap here ♪
164
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,729
♪ And a snap-snap there ♪
165
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:03,963
♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪
166
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,198
♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪
167
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,300
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
168
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:11,237
♪ T-H-A-N-O ♪
169
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Oh.
170
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,206
Oh, shit.
171
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,842
[ Siren wailing ]
172
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[ Cheering ]
173
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,516
[ Crowd booing ]
174
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:27,553
♪♪
175
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:31,991
[ All shouting indistinctly ]
176
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,294
Whoa, this ain't Denny's.
177
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,630
It's a cool dance.
You guys a cult?
178
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,232
I was in a cult once.
They kicked me out
179
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,834
for siphoning gas
from the cult leader's Camaro.
180
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,169
[ All shout indistinctly ]
181
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,937
Hey, you ever siphon gas?
182
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,207
It's a real easy way
to accidentally drink gas.
183
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,009
All: No! No way!
184
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,244
Oh, invisible kids.
185
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,246
Is it cool if I hit
my vape in here?
186
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,914
All: No, no!
187
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,816
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
188
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,683
I'd leave,
but I'm not real sure
189
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,286
how I got here
in the first place,
190
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,587
and the last thing
I remember,
191
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,990
I was sniffing a shit ton
of airplane glue.
192
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,258
No way, get out!
193
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:09,162
Okay, that pokey, stabby
feeling feels real familiar.
194
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,197
That's definitely
a NARCAN injection.
195
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,665
Yeah.
Guess they're calling me home.
196
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,167
Arrivederci.
197
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,569
[ Cheering ]
198
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,137
♪♪
199
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,772
But why bats,
Master Bruce?
200
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,940
Bruce:
They scare me, Alfred.
201
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,709
I want my enemies
to experience that fear.
202
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,378
Let's take a look
at this baby.
203
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,981
[ Screams ]
I look like a giant bat!
204
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,349
Get me out of this thing!
205
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,418
[ Screaming ] Get it off,
get it off, get it off!
206
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,387
Get it off! It's on my arm!
It's on my face!
207
00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:36,389
Ahh! Fuck!
The bats are on me!
208
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:39,192
[ Screaming ]
209
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:40,326
I hate bats!
210
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,928
Oh! [ Screams ]
211
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,729
I am a bat!
The bat is on me!
212
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,932
[ Screams ]
It's all over me!
213
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,133
Get me out of this thing!
214
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,433
[ Screams ]
215
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,003
I'm inside the bat!
216
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,672
[ Gasps ] Cookies?
217
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,541
Yes, me accept.
218
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,376
Me click yes cookies.
219
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,644
Where cookies?
220
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,046
Ahhh! Cookies!
221
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:03,316
Cookies! No cookies?
What is real?
222
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,151
Me trust nothing.
223
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,321
Welcome to Domino's.
Can I interest you in a pizza?
224
00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:10,089
Everyone
on the fucking ground.
225
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,557
It's the Noid.
What?
226
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,927
The Domino's mascot
from 1986 to 1995.
227
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,796
He's the physical manifestation
of everything
228
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,364
that can go wrong
when ordering a pizza.
229
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,734
Nearly a decade of service
to the Domino's Corporation,
230
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,169
and how did they repay me?
231
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,037
By kicking me
to the curb!
232
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,839
What went wrong,
Mr. Noid?
233
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:30,076
In 1996, a man
with the last name Noid
234
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,279
took a Domino's hostage,
believing the Noid was created
235
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,212
to mock him.
236
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,048
His demands --
free pizza,
237
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:39,518
a white limo, and the end of the
Noid in Domino's advertising.
238
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,221
And those spineless suits
caved to him.
239
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,489
Wait, is this shit real?
240
00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:45,124
Yeah.
Check the Wikipedia page.
241
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,194
Point is, now I'm the one
with the gun,
242
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,030
and I demand that Domino's
bring back the Noid.
243
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,232
[ Siren wails ]
Man: Come on out
with your hands up.
244
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,669
Not unless Domino's brings back
the Noid.
245
00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:00,006
Uh, oh, okay.
Sure, we can do that.
246
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:03,209
Shit.
The Noid is back, baby!
247
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,278
[ Gunfire ]
248
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,546
[ Tires squeal, siren wails ]
249
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,984
Can I get garlic knots
with those meat lover pizzas?
250
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:15,087
Yodels, Ho Hos,
Doodles,
251
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,823
Ding Dongs, Ring Dings,
King Dons, Ring Kings,
252
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,292
Ring Dongs,
Ding Ring Dongs,
253
00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:20,259
Ding Dang Doodle Dogs.
254
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,528
Dad!
Mom's doing it again.
255
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,463
Triple Dipple Ding Dong
Dipple Dongs.
256
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,833
[ Indistinct conversations ]
257
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,036
Oh hey, so that's season 11.
258
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:32,038
Thanks to the musical guests,
Yaboobas.
259
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,140
Also, thanks
to the Zodiac Killer...
Not guilty.
260
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,008
...the ghost of Nelson Mandela,
and of course,
261
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,877
both slices
of American cheese.
262
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,378
Oh,
and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim.
263
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:40,446
Thanks, Jim!
Yeah.
264
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,214
See you next year
if we don't get canceled.
265
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,117
Good night, everybody!
266
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:49,021
I cannot wait to not see your
fucking face for six months.
267
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,756
Fuck you, fuck face.
268
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,659
Thanks for cutting my sketch
at the last minute, assholes.
269
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,861
I wasn't even in this episode.
[ Chuckles ]
270
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,964
That Noid sketch went over
like a brick balloon, huh?
271
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,598
[ Laughs ] Go back
and vote for Brexit,
272
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,599
you fucking idiot.
273
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:01,734
Your opinion means
nothing to me.
274
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,235
The Zodiac Killer
just escaped
275
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:04,437
with the whole
party sub.
276
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,339
You know, on "Suits,"
we had a full taco bar
277
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,140
seven days a week.
278
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:09,608
I fucking love "Suits."
279
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,477
-Yeah.
-Taco bar.
280
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:14,146
[ Both shouting ]
281
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:17,149
I've had just about enough
of your bullshit.
282
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,019
I will punch a hole
through my own fucking face
283
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,855
if these goddamn credits
don't end right the fuck n--
284
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:32,131
♪♪
285
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:36,736
21, engage
the doom cannon.
286
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,405
Dude, we got canceled.
Forget it. It's over.
287
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,207
Come on,
think of the fans, Doc.
288
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,540
Yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
289
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:46,012
They deserve better
this creepy Pinocchio bullshit.
290
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:47,747
Don't break the puppet,
dude.
291
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,315
We could sell it
on eBay.