1 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:06,239 [ Theme music playing ] 2 00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,041 [ Laughs ] 3 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,009 [ Lever clicks ] 4 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:18,718 ♪♪ 5 00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,121 It's alive! 6 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,156 [ Robot chicken clucking ] 7 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:28,928 ♪♪ 8 00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,030 [ Laughing evilly ] 9 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:37,704 ♪♪ 10 00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,240 Oh, my God. We're gonna die! 11 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,575 I didn't want to do this in the first place! 12 00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:43,977 We're gonna die. 13 00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,512 Oh, no, it's happening! 14 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,180 -Ah! -Oh, phew. 15 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,615 -Whew! -Wow, I saw my life flash before my eyes. 16 00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:50,150 -We really avoided -- -That was terrible. 17 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,985 Ah, I thought that was gonna be so much worse. 18 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:52,986 [ Goose honks ] 19 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,287 -Aww, look at the goose! -That's so cute. 20 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,722 -So cute, look at that goose. -Oh, that's so cool. 21 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,529 I heard she took a two-foot shit. 22 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:03,696 For real? 23 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,230 ♪♪ 24 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,934 Finally, home after a long day 25 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:11,204 of being the first president of the United States. 26 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,839 [ Giggles ] Who are you?! 27 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,507 I'm George Washington Barbie. 28 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,842 This is my life. 29 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,711 Are you saying you want to kill me and then pose as me, 30 00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:19,879 George Washington, 31 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,414 a man who is 6'3", has wooden teeth, 32 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:25,418 and is the President of the United States? 33 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,387 I cannot tell a lie. 34 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:28,655 [ Gunshot ] Ah! 35 00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,289 Now to complete my look. 36 00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:32,392 [ Grunting ] 37 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:35,061 ♪♪ 38 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,563 Hmm. 39 00:01:36,628 --> 00:01:37,964 Ahhh! 40 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,200 [ Crying ] 41 00:01:40,265 --> 00:01:42,769 ♪♪ 42 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,538 Mm, perfect! 43 00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:46,872 Hello, Mr. Washington. 44 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:47,973 You shrunk, Sir. 45 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,310 Hi, John Adams. [ Chuckles ] Cute wig. 46 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:52,145 I am so sorry, I don't want to ask this, 47 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,914 but aren't you supposed to be a guy? 48 00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,515 I am. 49 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,017 Well, the teeth are accurate. 50 00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,619 And check this out. 51 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,988 Does this look like a girl part to you? 52 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,189 I don't know if you know this, sir, 53 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,058 but your penis has termites. 54 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,626 [ Screams ] 55 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,228 Ahh! 56 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:12,165 I declare the White House a dream house. 57 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,366 [ Applause ] 58 00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,702 Man: George Washington Barbie never told a lie, 59 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,770 except for the lie that she was George Washington, 60 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,340 although she was George Washington Barbie. 61 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:21,341 The end. 62 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:25,778 ♪♪ 63 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:29,349 Oh, man. You have insurance, right? 64 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:30,149 Nope. 65 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:32,085 Oh, man. 66 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:35,722 Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back" is my favorite movie. 67 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:38,558 "Luke, I am your father." 68 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,928 Darth Vader: No, I am your father. 69 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,297 [ Stammers ] That's not the line. 70 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,933 Young nerd, Darth Vader never said "Luke" 71 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,966 in that famous line. 72 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,937 [ Gasps ] The ghost of Nelson Mandela. 73 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,873 You're experiencing the Mandela effect. 74 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,142 It's named for a collective false memory. 75 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,111 Like when people remember me dying in prison 76 00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:01,447 in the '80s when I actually died at home in 2013. 77 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:02,815 Oh, like "The Berenstain Bears" 78 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,684 actually being "The Berenstein Bears." 79 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,352 It's actually the other way around. 80 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,288 Or is it? 81 00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,422 Agree to disagree. 82 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,658 Well, we need to fix "Star Wars." 83 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,793 If only there was a way to go back in time. 84 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,429 There is. Take my hand. 85 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,898 Your hand is a time machine? 86 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:19,933 Pretty cool, right? 87 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,402 Suck a "D," Bill and Ted. 88 00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,270 [ Gasps ] The original script. 89 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,739 I'll fix the line so it's the way I remember it. 90 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,841 [ Mumbles ] But there's more! 91 00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,477 Remember when Forrest Gump said, 92 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,113 "Life is like a box of chocolates"? 93 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:35,415 He actually said... 94 00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:40,053 Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. 95 00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:42,622 We got to correct this. 96 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,524 Excuse me, Mr. Hanks, the studio said 97 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:45,591 you got to change that line. 98 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,060 [ Whispering ] 99 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,461 For legal reasons. 100 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:49,329 Thanks so much. 101 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:50,597 Fucking bean counters. 102 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,365 Always stepping on my art. 103 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,167 Okay, back to one. 104 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,536 Remember Curious George the monkey? 105 00:03:56,603 --> 00:04:00,173 Well, did you know he never actually had a tail? 106 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,741 Excuse me, H.A. Rey, no big deal, 107 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:02,809 just emergency services. 108 00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:04,811 Here, I'll take that. 109 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:08,181 Oh, I knew this monkey was missing something. 110 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,782 Now let's go back to current times 111 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:12,485 to enjoy the fruits of our labor. 112 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:14,153 Darth Vader: No, Luke, 113 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:18,091 I am a closer relative than you think. 114 00:04:18,156 --> 00:04:20,159 Oh, no, my penmanship. 115 00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,928 I made it worse. It's okay. 116 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,696 Turn on "Forrest Gump." 117 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,965 Life is a box. 118 00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:30,303 Oh, no. 119 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,639 Well, at least Curious George doesn't have to say anything. 120 00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,541 Turn on PBS. 121 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,677 Not what I pictured, but I like it. 122 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,312 A big monkey wiener? 123 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,914 I bet everyone will be curious about that. 124 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,850 [ Both laugh ] 125 00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:48,254 Oh, mm. Oh, baby. 126 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,722 Unh. Oh, baby. 127 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:50,923 Do I have to leave this thing on? 128 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:54,260 Yeah, you spin that web. 129 00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:55,862 [ Grunts ] 130 00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,063 Mmm. [ Laughs ] 131 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,765 Want a cereal that tastes great 132 00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:00,233 and helps release pent-up rage? 133 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,300 Yeah! 134 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,302 Time to give breakfast what it deserves. 135 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:04,904 Z-oh-diacs -- the nutritious 136 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,372 whole-grain cereal with the excitement 137 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,074 of a late '60s killing spree! 138 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,243 Toasted oats in the same fun shapes 139 00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:11,744 as my cryptograms. 140 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,514 And the back of every box has a cypher puzzle. 141 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,949 Wow. Delicious and entertaining? 142 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,151 Who are you? 143 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,386 [ Laughs ] Nobody knows, 144 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,822 which is why we've mixed in multi-colored marshmallows 145 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,858 that look like the suspects people thought I might be. 146 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,427 The police detective, the librarian, 147 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,594 the Navy veteran. 148 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,596 They even got the guy with a deathbed confession. 149 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,832 He's -- ha -- delicious! 150 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:33,766 And also not guilty. 151 00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:34,967 Murder-licious! 152 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,136 I hope they never find you. 153 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,604 It's been 50 years. 154 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,640 I'd say you've got nothing to worry about, 155 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,341 except the safety of your parents. 156 00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,210 -[ Screams ] -Z-oh-diacs -- 157 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,179 Unsolvably delicious. 158 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,751 ♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪ 159 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,053 ♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪ 160 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,155 ♪ And on that farm, he had the only chickens ♪ 161 00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:57,657 ♪ Left in the galaxy ♪ 162 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,926 ♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪ 163 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,327 ♪ With a snap-snap here ♪ 164 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,729 ♪ And a snap-snap there ♪ 165 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:03,963 ♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪ 166 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,198 ♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪ 167 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,300 ♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪ 168 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:11,237 ♪ T-H-A-N-O ♪ 169 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,205 Oh. 170 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,206 Oh, shit. 171 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,842 [ Siren wailing ] 172 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,344 [ Cheering ] 173 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,516 [ Crowd booing ] 174 00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:27,553 ♪♪ 175 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:31,991 [ All shouting indistinctly ] 176 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,294 Whoa, this ain't Denny's. 177 00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,630 It's a cool dance. You guys a cult? 178 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,232 I was in a cult once. They kicked me out 179 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,834 for siphoning gas from the cult leader's Camaro. 180 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,169 [ All shout indistinctly ] 181 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,937 Hey, you ever siphon gas? 182 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,207 It's a real easy way to accidentally drink gas. 183 00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,009 All: No! No way! 184 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,244 Oh, invisible kids. 185 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,246 Is it cool if I hit my vape in here? 186 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,914 All: No, no! 187 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,816 [ Shouting indistinctly ] 188 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,683 I'd leave, but I'm not real sure 189 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,286 how I got here in the first place, 190 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,587 and the last thing I remember, 191 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,990 I was sniffing a shit ton of airplane glue. 192 00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,258 No way, get out! 193 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:09,162 Okay, that pokey, stabby feeling feels real familiar. 194 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,197 That's definitely a NARCAN injection. 195 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,665 Yeah. Guess they're calling me home. 196 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,167 Arrivederci. 197 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,569 [ Cheering ] 198 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,137 ♪♪ 199 00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,772 But why bats, Master Bruce? 200 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,940 Bruce: They scare me, Alfred. 201 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,709 I want my enemies to experience that fear. 202 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,378 Let's take a look at this baby. 203 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,981 [ Screams ] I look like a giant bat! 204 00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,349 Get me out of this thing! 205 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,418 [ Screaming ] Get it off, get it off, get it off! 206 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,387 Get it off! It's on my arm! It's on my face! 207 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:36,389 Ahh! Fuck! The bats are on me! 208 00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:39,192 [ Screaming ] 209 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:40,326 I hate bats! 210 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,928 Oh! [ Screams ] 211 00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,729 I am a bat! The bat is on me! 212 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,932 [ Screams ] It's all over me! 213 00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,133 Get me out of this thing! 214 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,433 [ Screams ] 215 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:51,003 I'm inside the bat! 216 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,672 [ Gasps ] Cookies? 217 00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,541 Yes, me accept. 218 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,376 Me click yes cookies. 219 00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,644 Where cookies? 220 00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,046 Ahhh! Cookies! 221 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:03,316 Cookies! No cookies? What is real? 222 00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,151 Me trust nothing. 223 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,321 Welcome to Domino's. Can I interest you in a pizza? 224 00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:10,089 Everyone on the fucking ground. 225 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,557 It's the Noid. What? 226 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,927 The Domino's mascot from 1986 to 1995. 227 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,796 He's the physical manifestation of everything 228 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,364 that can go wrong when ordering a pizza. 229 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,734 Nearly a decade of service to the Domino's Corporation, 230 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,169 and how did they repay me? 231 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,037 By kicking me to the curb! 232 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,839 What went wrong, Mr. Noid? 233 00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:30,076 In 1996, a man with the last name Noid 234 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,279 took a Domino's hostage, believing the Noid was created 235 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,212 to mock him. 236 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,048 His demands -- free pizza, 237 00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:39,518 a white limo, and the end of the Noid in Domino's advertising. 238 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,221 And those spineless suits caved to him. 239 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,489 Wait, is this shit real? 240 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:45,124 Yeah. Check the Wikipedia page. 241 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,194 Point is, now I'm the one with the gun, 242 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,030 and I demand that Domino's bring back the Noid. 243 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,232 [ Siren wails ] Man: Come on out with your hands up. 244 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,669 Not unless Domino's brings back the Noid. 245 00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:00,006 Uh, oh, okay. Sure, we can do that. 246 00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:03,209 Shit. The Noid is back, baby! 247 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,278 [ Gunfire ] 248 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,546 [ Tires squeal, siren wails ] 249 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,984 Can I get garlic knots with those meat lover pizzas? 250 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:15,087 Yodels, Ho Hos, Doodles, 251 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,823 Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, King Dons, Ring Kings, 252 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,292 Ring Dongs, Ding Ring Dongs, 253 00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:20,259 Ding Dang Doodle Dogs. 254 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,528 Dad! Mom's doing it again. 255 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,463 Triple Dipple Ding Dong Dipple Dongs. 256 00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,833 [ Indistinct conversations ] 257 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,036 Oh hey, so that's season 11. 258 00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:32,038 Thanks to the musical guests, Yaboobas. 259 00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,140 Also, thanks to the Zodiac Killer... Not guilty. 260 00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,008 ...the ghost of Nelson Mandela, and of course, 261 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,877 both slices of American cheese. 262 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,378 Oh, and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim. 263 00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:40,446 Thanks, Jim! Yeah. 264 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,214 See you next year if we don't get canceled. 265 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,117 Good night, everybody! 266 00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:49,021 I cannot wait to not see your fucking face for six months. 267 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,756 Fuck you, fuck face. 268 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,659 Thanks for cutting my sketch at the last minute, assholes. 269 00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,861 I wasn't even in this episode. [ Chuckles ] 270 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,964 That Noid sketch went over like a brick balloon, huh? 271 00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,598 [ Laughs ] Go back and vote for Brexit, 272 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,599 you fucking idiot. 273 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:01,734 Your opinion means nothing to me. 274 00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,235 The Zodiac Killer just escaped 275 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:04,437 with the whole party sub. 276 00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,339 You know, on "Suits," we had a full taco bar 277 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,140 seven days a week. 278 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:09,608 I fucking love "Suits." 279 00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,477 -Yeah. -Taco bar. 280 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:14,146 [ Both shouting ] 281 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:17,149 I've had just about enough of your bullshit. 282 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,019 I will punch a hole through my own fucking face 283 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,855 if these goddamn credits don't end right the fuck n-- 284 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:32,131 ♪♪ 285 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:36,736 21, engage the doom cannon. 286 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,405 Dude, we got canceled. Forget it. It's over. 287 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,207 Come on, think of the fans, Doc. 288 00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,540 Yeah, that's what I'm doing. 289 00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:46,012 They deserve better this creepy Pinocchio bullshit. 290 00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:47,747 Don't break the puppet, dude. 291 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,315 We could sell it on eBay.