>> HA HA HA!
[WHIR] IT'S ALIVE!
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
>> ♪ I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME ♪
>> BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.
>> I WIN.
>> WHERE? I CAN'T SEE.
>> HERE--DIAGONALLY.
>> PRETTY SNEAKY, SIS.
>> HEY, BARNEY BOY, THIS IS THE LIFE.
>> YOU SAID IT, FRED.
AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR.
YOU GOT TO LOVE IT.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR] >> NOW, WHO COULD THAT BE?
>> HEE HEE HEE!
>> YEAH?
>> HI. I'M MR. ROCK FROM FEDEXSTONE.
I GOT A DELIVERY FOR FRED FLINTSTONE FROM
AMAZONABOULDER.COM-PEBBLE.
LOOK. SOMETIMES THE ROCK PUNS DON'T FIT TOO WELL, BUDDY.
YOU WANT THE PACKAGE OR NOT?
>> "DEAR FRED, I HOPE THIS DISTRACTED YOU LONG ENOUGH.
SIGNED, BARNEY.
P.S.--I INVENTED PAPER.
BITCHIN!" >> HEE HEE HEE!
>> BARNEY! MY PEBBLES!
>> HEE HEE!
HEE HEE HEE!
CAN'T CATCH ME, FRED.
>> ARGH!
>> HEE HEE HEE!
HEY, GOOD ONE, FRED. GOOD-- UH-OH.
OH, DAMN IT, FRED.
I JUST WANTED SOME OF YOUR [BEEP] CEREAL.
>> OH, HIS HEAD ALWAYS WAS FULL OF ROCKS.
>> [GASPS] A WITNESS.
WITNESSES! THE DISHWASHER...
>> MY GOODNESS CRETACEOUS!
>> THE RECORD PLAYER...
>> HE'S OFF HIS ROCKER.
>> THE BIDET!
>> OH, MAN, THE THINGS I'VE WITNESSED.
[ALL SCREAMING] >> IS HE STONE COLD CRAZY?
YOU BET JURASSIC.
>> NO MORE PUNS!
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY] >> SO HE'S TRYING TO SELL ME A
TAMPON, BUT I SAID, "IT'S JUST A ROCK,"
AND HE SAID, "WELL, DUH.
EVERYTHING IS A ROCK."
>> THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE.
[BOTH GASP] >> OH, MY GOD!
>> [LAUGHING] >> OH, LORD, PLEASE DON'T STOP
HIM BEFORE HE KILLS ME.
>> UHH!
>> FRUITY PEBBLES ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF THIS COMPLETE
BREAKFAST.
>> OH, I'M SORRY.
THERE ARE NO Rs.
>> ♪ I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME ♪
>> EITHER WAY, IT'S 50 BUCKS.
>> TIRED OF SLIP 'N SLIDE?
WATER BALLOONS NO FUN?
THEN GET READY FOR THE PHYLLIS DILLER SPRAY-N-PLAY.
>> HA HA HA!
>> YAY! I'M HAVING FUN!
HA HA! YEAH.
I LOVE YOU, PHYLLIS DILLER SPRAY-N-PLAY.
OW! THAT HURT.
>> HA HA HA!
>> RIGHT NOW, I'M NOT HAVING FUN.
AAH!
>> HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
>> UHH...
>> YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN TODAY WITH THE PHYLLIS DILLER
SPRAY-N-PLAY.
>> HA HA HA!
>> GO, GO, GADGET HOOKER CLEAN.
WOWZERS.
>> HERE WE WILL BUILD A GREAT PYRAMID, AN EVERLASTING
TESTAMENT TO MY EXTREME AWESOMENESS.
>> YES, PHARAOH.
>> BUT, SIR, WHAT WILL WE USE FOR RAW MATERIALS?
>> UH, DUH.
>> YOUR MAJESTY, WE RAN OUT OF BROWN BRICKS.
>> IT'S ALL GOOD IN THE 'HOOD, BABY.
JUST USE YELLOW BRICKS.
>> RUNNING LOW ON YELLOW, BUT THERE'S LOTS OF BLUE.
>> NO STRESS.
>> YOUR MAJESTY, WE KIND OF SKIPPED STEP 18, AND NOW IT'S
TOO LATE TO GO BACK.
>> OH, COME ON.
>> EVERYTHING IS SORT OF LEANING TO THE RIGHT.
HOPE THAT'S COOL.
>> OY.
YES?
>> UM, SOME OF THE SLAVES GOT INTO THE SPACE LEGOS AND ADDED
SOME SATELLITE DISHES AND A BIG GRAPPLING ARM TO THE WEST SIDE
OF THE PYRAMID.
>> AGH. WHIP THEM.
WHIP THE PISS RIGHT OUT OF THEM.
>> YES, SIR.
>> ALTHOUGH THAT DOES SOUND KIND OF KICK-ASS.
[SNORING] >> UH, YOUR MAJESTY?
WE'RE OFFICIALLY OUT OF LEGOS.
LOTS OF DUPLO BLOCKS, THOUGH.
>> DUPLO? I'LL DUPLO YOU IN THE NUT BAG.
GET OUT!
>> READY FOR THE BIG UNVEILING?
>> OH, SHOW ME, SHOW ME, SHOW ME, SHOW ME.
>> ♪ TA-DA ♪ >> WHAT'S THIS?
>> YOUR GRAVE, MOTHER[BEEP].
>> YAY!
>> TAKE THAT, TUTANHYMEN.
I HEREBY DECLARE THE FUNKY SPACE PYRAMID OF THE PEOPLE OPEN FOR
BUSINESS.
>> HOORAY!
>> [PANTING] AH, JUST RIGHT.
>> YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOU'RE EATING RON JEREMY'S BUTTER.
>> SYDNEY, WHERE ARE YOU?
[WOLF WHISTLES AND HOOTING] >> [MMM]
>> SYDNEY, THE TOP-SECRET DEVICE IS IN A WALL SAFE IN THE
BASEMENT.
>> [OOH OOH RR] >> I KNEW YOUR CREDENTIALS
DIDN'T CHECK OUT.
PRIZE-WINNING CELLIST, MY ASS.
>> [OOH RR] >> GET HER.
>> OOH! AAH!
>> UH!
>> AAH! UH! UH! AAH!
OHH!
>> [OOH OOH RR] >> I LOVE YOU, SYDNEY, BUT WE
JUST CAN'T BE TOGETHER.
>> [OOH RR OOH RR] >> SYDNEY!
>> YEAH!
>> [RR OOH RR COO] >> EH, DAMNED KIDS.
>> ♪ I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME ♪
>> DAMN RIGHT.
>> DAD, COULD YOU KICK AN ANGEL'S ASS?
>> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, I COULD.
[THUD] >> IS THAT SANTA ON THE ROOF?
>> WELL, IF NOT, I GOT A PRESENT FOR HIM.
>> OOF!
>> SANTA! SANTA!
>> OH, MY MOTHER[BEEP] KNEE!
AW, [BEEP]. [BEEP].
AW, [BEEP].
[BEEP] IT ALL TO HELL.
THAT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER[BEEP].
>> DAD, WHAT'S A [BEEP]?
>> UH, HEH. HUH.
UH, SO, SANTA, WHAT HAPPENED?
>> BANDITS, GOKU.
THEY STOLE MY REINDEER AND ALL THE PRESENTS AND MY PANTS.
>> HA HA HA!
CHRISTMAS IS OURS.
>> YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.
>> HO HO HO!
I'VE GOT 5 GOOD REASONS FOR YOU TO SHUT UP.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
>> DAD, WHO ARE THOSE GUYS?
>> KUNG FU LEGENDS.
THAT'S THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY, WHOSE MYSTICAL DRUM CONJURES
DEMONS MOST FOUL; THE NUTCRACKER, WHO KNOWS OVER 100
DIFFERENT TESTICLE-BASED ATTACKS; AND COMPOSITE SANTA
CLAUS, WHO LOOKS LIKE 1/2 SANTA AND 1/2 FROSTY THE SNOWMAN.
>> WHAT ARE COMPOSITE SANTA'S POWERS?
>> I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE FREAKS ME RIGHT THE [BEEP] OUT.
>> INTRUDERS.
>> I WILL CONJURE A DEMON WITH MY MAGICAL DRUM.
HA HA HA!
>> SPIRIT BALL!
>> KAMEHAMEHA!
[EXPLOSION] >> HOLY [BEEP]!
>> I'LL GET THIS ONE, DAD.
YOU'RE NOT SO TOUGH.
>> TESTICLE ATTACK NUMBER 49!
>> OW! MY DRAGON BALL.
>> OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
SUGEI MAKO!
>> OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
>> OK. I GOT NOTHING.
OH! TEMPERATURES OVER 32 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT--MY ONLY WEAKNESS.
>> WE...DID IT.
>> FOOLS.
>> MRS. SANTA?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
THE MASTERMIND BEHIND THIS EVIL ATTACK ON CHRISTMAS IS ME.
>> BUT WHY?
>> IT ALL STARTED AT THE NORTH POLE.
I STARTED GETTING TERRIBLE HEADACHES.
>> MRS. CLAUS, ARE YOU OK?
>> WAAH!
AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS MERELY MY PERIOD, BUT THAT WAS
NOT THE CASE, AS I HIT MENOPAUSE CENTURIES AGO.
[RIMSHOT] POLAR RADIATION FORCED AN
EVOLUTIONARY CHANGE IN ME.
NOW I WANT REVENGE.
YEEAGH!
>> DARLING, NO!
>> HA HA! HA HA!
>> AAH!
>> GOHAN AND I NEED A MINUTE TO REST.
IT'S UP TO YOU FOR NOW.
>> I THINK ONE OF THEM POPPED.
>> IT'S PAYBACK TIME.
LET'S BEAT HER UP SO BAD, HER KIDS WILL INHERIT THE BRUISES.
>> YEAH. WE'LL HIT HER SO HARD, SHE'LL STARVE TO DEATH ROLLING.
>> SHE'S SO UGLY, WE'LL PUSH HER FACE IN DOUGH AND MAKE GORILLA
BISCUITS.
>> SHE'S SO BLACK, WHEN SHE GO TO NIGHT SCHOOL, TEACHER MARK
HER ABSENT.
>> THAT'S STILL MY WIFE, GUYS.
>> KILL!
>> OH. YOUR NOSE SHOOTS LASERS?
>> YOU DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS A REASON IT GLOWS RED?
WHAT DOES YOURS SHOOT?
>> PBBT!
>> EW! TO THINK, I WANTED TO PLAY YOUR GAMES.
>> RR! RR!
RRAAGH!
>> SHE'S GROWN TOO GIGANTIC AND UNSTABLE.
WOMEN. AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?
>> THE TENKA'ICHI BUDOKAI IS FINALLY COMPLETE.
>> WHAT THE [BEEP] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WAS THAT EVEN ENGLISH?
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WIFE?
OHH, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I BRING PRESENTS TO JAPAN.
[RIMSHOT] >> ♪ BUCK BUCK BUCK
BUCK-BUCK BUCK BUCK BUCK BUCK BUCK
BUCK-A BUCK-A BUCK BUCK BUCK... ♪
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--] BA-KAW!
>> BUCK.
SIT, UBU. SIT.
BAD DOG.
[GUNSHOT]