Robot Chicken 27: Cracked China [DRILL]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
>> BOY, PULL MY FINGER.
>> DON'T WANNA.
>> WELL, I RECKON YOU BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS, BOY.
>> HEY, GUYS.
READY TO SNORT SOME WHIPPITS?
>> DUDE, THAT'S SO 2005.
WE'RE INTO NUMB CHUCKING NOW.
>> NUMB CHUCKING?
LIKE NINJAS?
HEY!
>> NUMB!
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> CHUCK!
>> AAH! UHH!
HA HA HA!
YEAH!
AAH! HA HA HA!
OH, THAT WAS AWESOME.
I DIDN'T FEEL A THING!
>> NUMB CHUCKING!
>> HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
>> NUMB CHUCKING!
>> WHOA! HA HA HA HA!
YEAH!
YAY!
THAT WAS FUN!
>> 1, 2...
NUMB CHUCKING!
>> AAH! UHH! AAH!
HEY, A HYBRID.
HEY, GUYS.
NUMB CHUCKING TODAY?
>> NAH, DUDE.
WE'RE INTO POT NOW.
>> POT?
AWW.
>> BRAINS...
>> HELLO. EXCUSE ME. HELLO.
ARE YOU RADIOACTIVE ZOMBIES LOOKING FOR BRAINS OR SURVIVORS
THANKING THE ONE ATTRIBUTE THAT'S KEPT YOU ALIVE?
>> ZOMBIES.
>> OH, OK.
>> DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT TO LIE TO YOU.
>> OF COURSE.
[PANTING] >> UH-OH!
ARE YOU KIDS BEING BAD?
>> YEAH!
>> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
>> PUNISHMENT FROM ABOVE!
>> ♪ MY LITTLE PONY APOCALYPSE PONY
PUNISH MANKIND FOR THEIR SINS ♪ >> I'M PESTILENCE PONY!
TEE-HEE-HEE!
>> I LOVE YOU, PESTILENCE PONY!
[COUGHING] >> I'M FAMINE PONY!
[NEIGH] >> AAH! OH!
>> YAY!
WAR PONY!
>> ♪ MY LITTLE PONY APOCALYPSE PONY ♪
>> NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS RACKET?
>> MY GOODNESS!
>> AND I AM...
DEATH PONY!
>> OH, HOW SAD.
THE POOR THING CAN'T HEAR.
>> NO, MOM, I THINK HE SAID-- [ROARING]
>> ♪ MY LITTLE PONY APOCALYPSE PONY
PUNISH MANKIND FOR THEIR SINS ♪ >> I LOVE YOU, APOCALYPSE
PONIES!
>> WAS I SPEEDING, OFFICER?
>> NO, I PULLED YOU OVER BECAUSE I WUV YOU.
>> HEE HEE HEE!
>> I'LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I MET EAGLE EYE SMITH.
I WAS AT THE BAR LATE ONE NIGHT WHEN...
>> THE NAME'S EAGLE EYE, AND I'M A CHAMPION.
I CHALLENGE YOU 3 TO A GAME OF POOL.
>> I WAS THE ONLY ONE NEAR THE POOL TABLE.
THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT EAGLE EYE WAS BLIND AS A BAT.
>> I'M GONNA BREAK THIS PUPPY WIDE OPEN.
>> I COULDN'T HELP FEELING SORRY FOR EAGLE EYE, SO I PICKED UP
TWO POOL BALLS AND HELD THEM CLOSE TO HIS EAR.
>> GOOD SHOT, EAGLE EYE.
>> DAMN STRAIGHT, FAT ASS.
I'M STRIPES.
>> EAGLE EYE HIT A LOT OF BALLS THAT NIGHT, BUT NOT ANY ON THE
POOL TABLE.
>> 8 BALL, CORNER POCKET.
I'M A CHAMPION.
>> AND THOUGH HE MAY NOT HAVE WON THE GAME, HE CERTAINLY WON
MY HEART.
>> UHH!
>> HOME RUN, EAGLE EYE.
>> I'M A CHAMPION!
>> STRIKE, EAGLE EYE.
>> I'M A CHAMPION!
I CAN'T WAIT.
>> KEEP YOUR SKI TIPS UP.
WE'RE ALMOST AT THE TOP OF THE LIFT.
>> I'M GONNA BE A CHAMPION!
>> OK, THIS IS IT.
>> THESE ALPS ARE MY BITCH, MOTHER[BEEP].
>> EAGLE EYE, ARE YOU OK?
>> SOMETIMES, JOHNNY, IT'S SCARY BEING BLIND.
>> WELL, EAGLE EYE, NOBODY ELSE CAN SEE, EITHER.
THE SUN WENT OUT YEARS AGO.
>> REALLY?
SO WE'RE ALL CHAMPIONS?
>> YEAH.
WE'RE ALL CHAMPIONS.
[SOBBING] >> CHAMPIONS.
>> I AIN'T GONNA LAUGH AT YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET ALL GAY ON ME, FATSO.
I'M GONNA GO SHOW MY GIRLFRIEND A GOOD TIME.
>> HAVE FUN, EAGLE EYE.
>> HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BABY?
>> OH, EAGLE EYE.
YOU'RE SO BIG.
>> YOU KNOW IT, WOMAN!
>> YOU'RE A CHAMPION, EAGLE EYE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M A CHAMPION!
>> PIKACHU.
>> JIGGLYPUFF.
OOH-WEE!
>> CHU! CHU!
PIKACHU!
>> BACK INTO YOUR POKEBALL, PIKACHU.
>> I WONDER WHAT IT'S LIKE INSIDE THOSE POKEBALLS.
>> I WONDER WHEN YOU'LL SHUT UP AND MAKE MY DINNER.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] >> ARE YOU READY TO BATTLE, ASS?
>> MY NAME IS ASH!
PIKACHU!
I CHOOSE YOU!
PIKACHU!
I CHOOSE YOU!
["YOU" ECHOING] [GULP]
>> PIKA. PIKA.
[SQUAWKING] >> GO GET HIM, PIKACHU.
[SIGH] >> PIKACHU.
>> HE SAID HE WOULD PHONE, AND YET HE HASN'T PHONED.
HE KNOWS HOW I WORRY.
>> OH, YEAH.
KING ME.
KING THIS [BEEP] RIGHT NOW.
>> YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT, LOUIS.
I HOPE YOU DIE OF A STROKE.
OH!
AAH!
>> LOUIS, WE'VE COME FROM MANY GALAXIES AWAY.
>> WE HAVE BEEN MONITORING YOUR GREAT CHECKERS PROWESS.
>> WE HAVE DETERMINED THAT YOU ARE THE CHAMPION WE NEED TO SAVE
OUR CIVILIZATION.
>> YEAH!
>> ARE YOU READY, LOUIS?
>> NO SWEAT.
>> HERE THEY COME!
SAVE US, LOUIS!
>> SIT BACK AND WATCH THE SHOW, BITCH.
YEAH!
KING ME, YOU EXTRATERRESTICLES.
LA LA LA LA LA!
IN YOUR FACE! YEAH!
>> PULL BACK!
THEIR CHAMPION IS TOO GREAT!
AAH!
>> YOU SAVED US, LOUIS!
SAVED US!
>> SAVED US, SAVED US, SAVED US!
>> YOU SAVED US, LOUIS!
>> MOM!
MOM!
I THINK LOUIS HAD A STROKE!
>> KING...ME.
>> HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS, FOLKS.
TERRY THE GREAT STANDS POISED TO DELIVER THE FINISHING BLOW.
UHH!
1, 2, 3.
HA HA HA!
>> OH, AND HERE COMES DAD-- TOP CONTENDER FOR BILLY'S TITLE.
>> NO, DAD, WAIT!
>> FLYING DAD BOMB!
HONEY, COME IN HERE AND COUNT THIS.
>> OK.
1, 2, 3.
DAD WINS.
YAY.
NOW COME TO DINNER.
>> DAD IS THE CHAMPION.
YOU'RE A LOSER.
>> YOUR BOSS AT THE ACCOUNTING FIRM TELLS YOU TO COLLATE THE
DATA, BUT EXCEL HASN'T BACKED UP THE FILE YET.
>> SAVING THROW!
THEN I DO A SAVING THROW!
>> DOROTHY HERE, DRINKING MY PRUNE JUICE MARTINI.
RECENTLY, MY SEX DRIVE HAS TAKEN A MENOPAUSE.
I DECIDED TO MEET UP WITH ROSE, BLANCHE, AND SOPHIA AT KATZ'S
DELI FOR SOME PASTRAMI ON RYE, BECAUSE LORD KNOWS MY DRY OLD
PASTRAMI WASN'T GETTING ANY ACTION AT HOME.
GIRLS, LET'S TELL OUR NASTIEST SEX STORIES.
>> CHECK, PLEASE.
>> BLANCHE, YOU START.
>> WELL, A FEW WEEKS AGO, MY GOOD FRIEND ALBERTA PASSED AWAY.
NOW, I KNEW ALBERTA'S HUSBAND WAS A REAL SHAKER IN THE SACK.
SEE, HE HAD PARKINSON'S.
WE MET THAT NIGHT.
OH, MY BODY WAS TINGLING ALL OVER FROM THE SIGHT OF HIS
MANHOOD, SO I SAID, "DO YOU WANT A GUMMER?"
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY NO-DENTURE ADVENTURE, HIS SPIRIT
RELEASED ITSELF, IN MORE THAN ONE WAY.
>> HE DIED?
>> BLANCHE, IT GOES TO FIGURE THE ONLY WAY YOU COULD KEEP A
GUY STIFF IS WITH RIGOR MORTIS.
[LAUGHING] >> LOOKING FOR THAT CHECK.
>> ROSE, WHAT WAS YOUR DIRTIEST SEX STORY?
>> TWO NIGHTS AGO, I MET UP WITH AN OLD BOYFRIEND FROM ST. OLAF
WHO I HADN'T SEEN IN 50 YEARS.
LET'S JUST SAY IT WAS AN AFFAIR TO FORGET.
SVEN, REMEMBER WHEN WE DID IT ONCE IN THE ICE SHED BY THE LAKE
AND WE GOT STUCK TO THE ICE?
>> I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER?
>> SVEN HAD ALZHEIMER'S.
>> SAY MY NAME.
>> MARGARET?
>> NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
>> JUDY!
>> NO.
>> ROGER?
>> GOOD ENOUGH.
[LAUGHING] >> OK.
NOW IT'S MY TURN.
>> COME ON.
WE ALL KNOW AS WELL AS YOU DO THAT THE CLOSEST YOU'RE EVER
GONNA GET TO A MAN IS BY LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.
>> MOM, YOU'RE BEING TESTY.
>> YOU HAVE TESTES.
>> FINE, MOM.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL A STORY?
>> MY NASTIEST SEX STORY WOULD HAVE TO BE WHEN I WAS A
CHEERLEADER FOR THE HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM.
>> SOPHIA, I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE A CHEERLEADER IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> I WASN'T.
THIS WAS LAST WEEK.
GO, TEAM!
>> BLECH!
>> IT WAS WONDERFUL.
THEY RAN A TRAIN ON ME.
>> ALL ABOARD.
>> I HAD MORE BALLS IN MY FACE THAN A CIRCUS SEAL.
[LAUGHING] >> I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE SOME
MONEY ON THE TABLE.
>> THE GIRLS LIKE IT WILD, BUT I PREFER A QUIET NIGHT AT HOME
PLAYING JEOPARDY WITH MY HAND ON THE BUZZER.
[SOFT BUZZING] [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--]