>> [LAUGHING] [WHIRRING]
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
>> HELLO, "ROBOT CHICKEN."
I VIEWED YOUR RECENT GOBOTS SKETCH WITH AN UTTER LACK OF
MIRTH AND AN ABUNDANCE OF EXTREME DISPLEASURE.
THE FOLLOWING IS MY ANNOTATED VERSION OF YOUR WORTHLESS
ATTEMPT AT HUMOR.
WATCH AND LEARN, JERKS.
FIRST OF ALL, GOBOTS DO NOT LIVE IN HOUSES.
SECOND OF ALL, GOBOTS DO NOT MASTURBATE, IF THAT IS INDEED
WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING.
[KNOCKING] >> SCOOTER?
>> DON'T COME IN!
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?
>> DON'T COME IN!
DON'T COME IN!
>> THIS IS NOT A HILARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCE.
IT IS BOTH PAINFUL AND TRAUMATIC--AS ANYONE WHO HAS
LIVED THROUGH IT CAN TELL YOU.
>> SO...
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU'RE A HELICOPTER AND YOUR NAME IS COP-TUR?
>> YES.
>> LAME.
>> TURBO IS A GOOD GOBOT AND COP-TUR IS A RENEGADE GOBOT.
THEY WOULD NOT BE CONVERSING AS SUCH.
ALSO, COP-TUR WAS ONLY HIS LAME AMERICAN NAME.
WHEN THE CHARACTER WAS ORIGINATED IN JAPAN IN 1981,
COP-TUR'S NAME WAS GYRO ROBO.
I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF RE-DUBBING THIS SCENE.
>> SO, I HEAR YOUR NAME IS GYRO ROBO.
>> CORRECT.
>> THAT IS VERY NOT LAME.
[BELL RINGS] >> I WON'T EVEN DIGNIFY THIS
SCENE WITH MY ANALYSIS.
"ROBOT CHICKEN" HAS SCREWED THE PROVERBIAL POOCH WHEN ATTEMPTING
TO SKEWER THE VAST AND MAGNIFICENT WORLD OF THE GOBOTS.
PLEASE GO TO HELL.
>> DANIEL?!
COME GET YOUR SUPPER, HONEY!
>> MOM, I YOU MY NAME WAS GYRO ROBO!
>> OH, SORRY, GYRO ROBO.
>> YEAH.
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
>> YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST!
PULL OVER IMMEDIATELY!
>> [CHEERING] >> KONNICHIWA,
AND WELCOME TO "NINJA STARS."
TONIGHT WE'LL SEE REAL LIVE NINJAS COMPETE TO FIND OUT WHO
CAN BE THE MOST STEALTHY AND EFFECTIVE ASSASSIN.
PLEASE HELP ME WELCOME DAN NORBERT, CORPORATE ACCOUNTANT.
LET US SEE WHAT OUR FIRST NINJA CONTESTANT CAN DO.
>> HYAY!
>> [CHEERING] >> HO, HO!
FANTASTIC!
LET'S GO TO OUR PANEL OF JUDGES.
>> NICE MOVES.
I GIVE HIM A 10.
>> DAN NORBERT LOOK PRETTY DEAD.
9.5.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT MARTIAL ARTS.
6.5.
>> [WHISPERING] >> SORRY, FOLKS.
THE OTHER TWO NINJA CONTESTANTS WERE FOUND DECAPITATED
BACKSTAGE.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> HERE COMES THE YUM-YUM TRAIN RIGHT INTO THE STATION.
>> [CRYING] >> TOOT, TOOT!
YUM-YUM EXPRESS COMIN' THROUGH!
TOOT, TOOT!
NEXT STOP TUMMY LAND!
OH, NO!
THE BRIDGE IS CLOSED!
FULL REVERSE ENGINES!
SLAM ON THE BRAKES!
COME ON, WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!
OH, DEAR GOD!
IT LOOKS LIKE THE TRACKS ARE COMING TO AN END!
CRASH!
EVERYONE ON BOARD LURCHES FORWARD.
THE IMPACT THROWS PEOPLE THROUGH WINDOWS!
ARMS HANGING FROM THE LUGGAGE RACK!
CHILDREN'S FACES ARE TRAMPLED IN PANIC!
THE GUY IN THE BATHROOM BREAKS HIS NECK AND PASSES OUT IN HIS
ON FILTH!
IT'S CARNAGE!
BLOODY [BLEEP] CARNAGE!
PEOPLE DEMAND TO KNOW WHY!
WHY WOULD GOD ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN?!
OH, THE HUMANITY!
>> [CRIES] >> TOOT, TOOT!
HERE COMES THE YUM-YUM TRAIN.
>> AAH!
>> SHE'LL HAVE THE CHEF SALAD, AND I'LL HAVE...
I'LL HAVE THE STEAK.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
YOU BETTER ORDER THE STEAK, PUNK.
DON'T WANT NONE OF THIS, BITCH!
LET ME GET THESE RUBBER BANDS OFF.
I'M GONNA GO CLACK-CLACK ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, MOTHER--
>> HI, THERE.
WELCOME TO MY NEW SHOW-- "VINCE VAUGHN BANGS YOUR MOM."
IN THIS SHOW, I MEET UP WITH YOUR MOM, AND I BUST HER ASS
LIKE A LOOTER IN A RIOT.
PLEASE WELCOME MY FIRST GUEST TODAY...
YOUR MOM.
>> [APPLAUSE] >> NOW, BEFORE I TAKE YOUR MOM
BEHIND THIS CURTAIN, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THIS
FINE LADY.
SHE'S 45 YEARS YOUNG, LOVES MUSEUMS, AND DOES THIS THING
WITH HER TONGUE THAT WOULD MAKE A--WELL, WOULD MAKE A RABBI EAT
PORK.
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY.
TIME FOR ME TO GO SWEEP YOUR MOM'S CHIMNEY LIKE MARY POPPINS.
CHIM-CHIM CHEEROO!
TOODLES.
>> BOY, BEING A SOCK PUPPET REALLY SUCKS, HUH?
>> YEAH.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR PUPPETMASTER IS A 14-YEAR-OLD
BOY WHO WHACKS OFF IN YOUR FACE EVERY NIGHT.
>> HA HA HA.
>> OH!
I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BLOW CHUNKS OF BIRDSEED!
[RETCHING] >> OH, NO!
BIG BIRD HAS THE BIRD FLU.
>> THE WORD OF THE DAY IS "QUARANTINE."
Q-U-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-E.
QUARANTINE.
>> SNUFFELUPPAGUS?
IS THAT YOU?
>> OH, HE MUST BE HALLUCINATING.
>> HI, BIRD.
I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE SICK.
>> I'M SCARED, SNUFFY.
THANK GOD YOU CAN'T GET IT SINCE YOUR NOT REAL.
[MONITOR FLATLINES] >> YEAH.
THANK GOD-- [GASPS]
>> ONE VACCINE.
AH AH AH!
TWO VACCINES.
AH AH AH!
>> ♪ ONE OF THESE KIDS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER
ONE OF THESE KIDS IS DEAD ♪ >> TODAY'S EPISODE BROUGHT TO
YOU BY THE LETTERS C.D.C.
>> AND NOW...
A MESSAGE FROM THE BEES.
>> HEY, BOYS AND GIRLS.
REMEMBER TO BE YOURSELF!
AND DON'T [BLEEP] WITH US OR WE'LL STING YOU ALL AT ONCE
AND KILL YOU.
[THUNDER] >> [LAUGHTER]
AH, PROJAC, YOU'RE A GIFT TO FORMER MAD
SCIENTISTS EVERYWHERE.
WITH YOUR HELP, I'LL USE MY INVENTIONS FOR GOOD.
RIGHT, BOYS?
>> I LIVE!
THIS IS AWESOME!
I'M ALIVE!
HA HA!
I'M ALIVE!
>> AAGH!
>> HA!
YEAH!
OOH!
SPARKLY!
OH!
BEING ALIVE HOLDS SUCH AMAZING WONDERS!
>> FREEZE!
>> HEY, HEY, HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!
>> DON'T GIVE ME REASON, SIR!
>> I LOVE YOU ALL!
[GUNFIRE] I WANT TO PLAY, TOO!
[MACHINEGUN FIRE] >> [SCREAMING]
>> WHAT A GREAT GAME!
I WIN!
>> [BARKING] >> LOOK AT YOU.
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING SO ADORABLE IN ALL MY 20 MINUTES OF
LIFE.
COME HERE, YOU!
HA HA!
>> WELL, BOYS, I HOPE YOU-- OH, MY GOD!
>> FREEZE, COP-KILLER!
>> WHAT--NO!
>> DON'T GIVE ME ANOTHER REASON!
>> DROP IT!
[GUNFIRE] >> VANAX.
GET YOUR SMILE BACK, BUT WITHOUT THE DESIRE TO BUILD
GIANT ROBOTS.
[BELLS JINGLING] >> HO, HO, HO!
>> OH, HEY THERE, CASPER.
>> HA HA!
>> HEY!
>> SOMEONE CALL U.P.S.
THERE'S A SMALL PACKAGE THAT NEEDS TO BE DELIVERED.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A FRIENDLY GHOST.
>> IDIOT!
I'M HIS BROTHER JASPER, THE DOUCHE BAG GHOST!
>> ♪ JASPER THE DOUCHE BAG GHOST
THE DOUCHIEST GHOST POSSESSED HE'LL CALL YOU NAMES
AND ACT REAL MEAN UNTIL YOU FEEL DEPRESSED
HE'LL ALWAYS SAY... ♪ >> [BLEEP] YOU!
>> ♪ AND... ♪ >> LICK MY SACK, YOU FAIRY!
>> ♪ HE'S SO DAMN CRUDE AND SO DAMN RUDE
JASPER, THE DOUCHE BAG GHOST ♪ >> WE WILL ALL MISS ANNIE.
BUT SHE TRULY IS IN A BETTER PLACE.
>> [GASPS] >> OH, GRANDMA!
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!
>> AAW!
>> HERMAN, YOU WERE ALWAYS MY LEAST FAVORITE GRANDCHILD.
>> HA HA!
RETARDS!
>> ♪ JASPER, THE DOUCHE BAG GHOST ♪
>> LICK MY SACK!
>> I'LL TAKE A COKE.
>> PEPSI OK?
>> HELL, NO!
THIS PLACE SUCKS, YOU [BLEEP] WHORE!
>> THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT OF HIM--POOR BASTARD.
>> THE SUBJECT DIED OF NATURAL-- NATURAL CAUSES.
>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE.
I'M STILL "ROBOT CHICKEN" EXECUTIVE PRODUCER SETH GREEN.
>> AND I'M STILL EXECUTIVE PRODUCER MATT SENREICH.
>> NOT ENOUGH OF YOU HAVE BEEN CALLING IN TO SUPPORT US GETTING
A THIRD SEASON.
BUT WE'RE GONNA CHANGE ALL THAT RIGHT NOW.
CO-HEAD WRITER DOUGLAS GOLDSTEIN, BRING OUT THAT
ADORABLE PUPPY.
[BARKING] SO, LISTEN CAREFULLY...
IF YOU GUYS DON'T CALL THE NUMBER ON THE BOTTOM OF THE
SCREEN RIGHT NOW, MATT HERE IS GONNA SHOTGUN-BLAST KNUCKLES'
BRAINS ALL OVER THE GROUND.
YOU GOT IT?
SO, START CALLING, BITCHES.
WE'RE NOT KIDDING.
YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO CALL-- [BOOM]
[BLEEP]!
WHOA, WHAT THE [BLEEP]?!
>> SORRY.
MY FINGER SLIPPED.
MY BAD.
>> I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T GONNA KILL THE DOG?
>> DUDE, IT SLIPPED.
I'M SORRY.
>> WOW.
OK, UM...
LET'S...
UH, LET'S HAVE CO-HEAD WRITER TOM ROOT BRING OUT ARNOLD THE
MONKEY.
MATT, YOU REALLY GOTTA BE CAREFUL, OK, MAN?
>> OK, OK.
[CHITTERING] >> ARNOLD, ARNOLD!
IT'S OK, IT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
SHH.
IT'S OK, BUDDY, IT'S OK.
COME HERE.
IT'S OK.
OK, NOW LET'S GET SOME PHONE CALLS--
[BOOM] MATT, WHAT THE HELL?!
>> SOMEBODY PUT VASELINE ON THIS TRIGGER.
>> DUDE, I PUT A $10,000 DEPOSIT DOWN ON THAT MONKEY!
I'M NOT GONNA GET THAT BACK.
>> I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
>> GIVE ME THE GUN.
>> NO!
>> GIVE ME IT!
>> NO!
LET GO!
>> MATT, GIVE ME IT-- [BOOM]
>> OH, HELLO!
>> MATT!
YOU SHOT THE BLOOPERS HOST!
>> SETH, LISTEN!
[TELEPHONES RINGING] THEY LIKE THE VIOLENCE.
WE NEED MORE VIOLENCE!
[BOOM] >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, MATT!
THAT'S OUR FRIEND TOM!
HE'S--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
WE--WE CAN'T HAVE A THIRD SEASON IF WE DON'T HAVE ANY WRITERS!
>> THEY LOVE US!
VIOLENCE!
RATINGS!
COME ON!
HIGHER RATINGS!
>> HA HA HA-- [LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS]
[TELEPHONE RINGS] >> HA HA HA.
[LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS] [CLUCKING]
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--] >> BUCK.
>> UH...
I'M...
I'M HERE TO PICK UP THE MONKEY?
HELLO?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]