[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!
>> ♪ I'M SO HAPPY 'CAUSE I'M A GUMMY BEAR, GUMMY BEAR ♪
AAAAAAAHH!
[BLEEP] SUCKING MOTHER [BLEEP] AAAAAAAAHHH!
[ PANTING ] OH, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
OUT OF THIS.
[ CHOMPING ] MMM!
GOODNESS, I TASTE DELICIOUS!
[ CHOMPING ] THAT WASN'T BAD AT ALL.
AAAAAAAHHH!
>> GUMMY BEARS -- FOR CANDY THIS DELICIOUS, YOU'LL CHEW OFF YOUR
OWN LEG!
>> AAAAH!
>> AAH!
AAH! AAAH!
[ THUNDER CRASHING ] AAH!
EHH...
EEH...
UH...
[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DUN DUN! ]
>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK.
BAWK. BAWK.
[ GASPS ] BAWK -- BAWK -- BAWK BAWK BAWK!
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK.
>> BAWK BAWK BA-BA BA-GAWK.
>> BA-GAWK? BA-GA BAWK.
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK?
>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK BAWK BAWK?
>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK.
>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?
>> BAWK BAWK...BA...BA...
UH...
BAWK BAWK BA-BAWK!
>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?
[ DUN DUN! ] BA-GAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK.
BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK BA BA BAWK BAWK BA BAWK BA.
>> BAWK.
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK BAWK!
>> BA BA BA-GAWK.
>> BAWK BA BAWK!
>> BA BA BA-GAWK!
BAWK BAWK!
BA-BA-BAG-GAWK!
>> BAWK BA-BAWK!
[ DUN DUN! ] BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK!
>> BA BAWK.
>> BAWK BA-GAWK BA-BAWK [BLEEP] >> BA GAWK!
>> BAWK [BLEEP] BAWK!
BA-BA-BAWK! BAWK!
[BLEEP] BAWK!
>> BA BA BAWK.
>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BA BA!
BA BA BAWK!
BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?
BAWK BAWK BA BAWK.
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BA-BA BA-GAWK.
BAWK BA-GAWK, BA-BA BA-GAWK BA BAWK, BA BAWK BA-GAWK BAWK BA
BA-GAWK!
>> BAWK BA BAWK!
>> BAWK.
>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.
BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK...
BAWK BA-BAWK?!
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BA BAWK BA-GAWK BA-GAWK...
BAWK BA-GAWK!
[ ALL GASP ] >> BA BAWK! BA BAWK!
>> BAWK BA-GAWK! BA-BAWK!
[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK BAWK!
BAWK BA-GAWK!
>> BA-GAWK BA-GAWK?
>> BAWK BAWK BAWK, BA BAWK BA-GAWK.
>> BAWK BA BAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.
BAWK BA BAWK BAWK, BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.
BAWK-BAWK BAWK BAWK!
>> BAWK!
>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!
>> BA-BAWK BA-GAWK!
BAWK BAWK BAWK BA-GAAAAAAA!
BA-GAWK...
>> MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GIFT ON BEHALF OF THE
CHINESE PEOPLE.
>> THANKS, CHING-CHONG.
>> [ TRILLING ] >> THERE ARE VERY IMPORTANT
INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING ITS CARE AND FEEDING.
WE ONCE GAVE A MOGWAI TO AMERICAN TEENAGER, AND THE
RESULTS WERE CATASTROPHIC.
BUT SURELY THE LEADER OF THE FREE --
>> YEAH, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
HOWDY, LITTLE CRITTER!
>> SOME PEOPLE CALL HIM A GREMLIN.
>> WELL, THE NAME OF THIS GRUMBLIN'S GONNA BE FROOT LOOP.
>> OOH!
>> HA HA HA! I'M GONNA GET YOU!
HA HA HA!
I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU OUT.
DON'T TELL NOBODY WE'RE EATING THIS.
>> HMM...
>> WHO WANTS TO STEP UP TO THE "Qbert" TABLE AND HAVE THEIR
FURRY BUTT KICKED?
[ CHEERING ] [ SCREAMING ]
OH, SWEET, BABY [BLEEP] HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
>> OW! MY HEART!
>> AH, GO GET 'EM, CHENEY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAAH!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> [ LAUGHING ]
AW, DANG IT!
WHO SAYS THEY GET TO HAVE ALL THE FUN, RIGHT, FROOT LOOP?
>> [ GRUNTS ] >> YAHOO!
UH...
THEM GRUMBLINS DID IT.
>> OOPSY! I LOST!
>> TAKE IT OFF, JENNA, YOU STUPID WHORE!
>> SHUT UP!
I WANT TO DO THIS ANYWAY!
LOOK AT MY BOOBS!
[ BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] >> BUT WE'RE RELATED.
>> IDENTICAL!
[ MOANING PASSIONATELY ] [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY, THEY'RE HAVING A PANTS-OFF DANCE OFF.
COME ON, FROOT LOOP!
>> [ LAUGHING ] >> MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S
ARMAGEDDON!
>> I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
>> NO! THE WORLD IS DOOMED!
IT'S A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!
>> SO IF I PISSED ON A SPARK PLUG, WOULD IT DO ANY GOOD?
>> OH, GEORGE, I'M SO HUNGRY.
>> OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
WE'LL JUST EAT FROOT LOOP.
>> [ MUTTERS UNHAPPILY ] >> OH, FROOT LOOP, I'M JUST
KIDDING.
WE'LL EAT CHENEY.
[ LAUGHING ] >> HELP!
I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!
I SAID I'VE FALLEN -- >> MedicAlert AT YOUR SERVICE!
>> OH, THANK GOODNESS.
YOU SEE, I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET...
UH...
[ CLATTERING ] MISTER? SIR?
MY THINGS ARE -- WHAT ARE YOU DOI--
>> OVER THE YEARS, J.C. HAS LOST A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS.
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S WRONG FOR ANYBODY TO BE STONED.
>> WHAT A DOWNER.
>> BUT THERE'S ONE THING HE NEVER LOST.
>> JESUS CHRIST!
ARE YOU A VIRGIN?
>> OH, YOU ARE HILARIOUS.
WHO WANTS MORE OF MY BLOOD?
>> HOW CAN YOU GO 33 YEARS AND NOT HAVE SEX?
>> DUDE, MY DAD IS ALWAYS WATCHING.
>> WE GOT TO HELP THE MAN, HIGHLIGHT HIS ATTRIBUTES, GET
RID OF THAT PELT ON HIS CHEST.
>> OHH! JIM CAVIEZEL!
>> LET'S HANG ON TO THAT.
YOU GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE WHERE THERE'S LOTS OF GIRLS.
>> THIS SUMMER COMES A FILM THAT WILL TOUCH YOU...
>> HI, I'M MARY.
>> I'VE GOT HEALING HANDS.
>> OH, YEAH? SO DO I.
>> ...LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BEFORE.
>> OOH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR A SECOND COMING.
LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY WITH A GOOD ARM TO PUT ME IN THE GRAVE.
THREE BALLS JUST TO PUT ME IN -- YEAH, LET THE BOY DO IT!
NO, NO, NO, NO! AW, DAMN IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, SIR?
WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?
>> SO, REMEMBER, KIDS, BE CAREFUL WHEN USING MATCHES.
>> SMOKEY?
>> YEAH, KID?
>> HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME?
>> WELL...
>> SMOKEY, YOU ALWAYS GOT THE BEST WEED!
>> HELLO, LITTLE PAW.
I SEE YOU.
HELLO-O-O.
>> THERE YOU ARE!
WE FINALLY GOT YOU, SMOKEY!
>> DOWNER PATROL.
DON'T TAKE ME NOW.
I JUST PUT A TURKEY IN THE OVEN.
>> TURKEY -- WHAT?
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY -- [ GASPS ] MY BABY!
[ GAVEL BANGS ] >> 7 MILLION HOURS OF COMMUNITY
SERVICE!
>> ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES.
[ SIGHS ] GOT MY NAME IN BETTER TIMES,
KID.
MUCH BETTER TIMES.
>> GREETINGS, HEROES!
SMILIN' STAN LEE HERE ALONG WITH STRIPPERELLA HERSELF, THE
PULCHRITUDINOUS PINUP PRINCESS PAM ANDERSON!
>> GET READY FOR THE HOTTEST SUPERHERO NEWS AND THE SEXIEST
SUPERHERO GOSSIP.
>> NO ONE BATTED AN EYE WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA KILLED 10,000
NAZIS WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
BUT NOW A LITTLE COLLATERAL DAMAGE HAS CAP IN HOT WATER WITH
THE A.C.L.U.
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] >> INVESTMENTS!
>> OW!
>> AI!
>> [ YOWLS ] >> OH! AAH!
>> AH GA GA GOO!
WHA?!
>> OH, ALL THAT PAIN AND SUFFERING.
>> PAIN AND SUFFERING?
TRY WATCHING THE MOVIE "CATWOMAN."
ZING!
>> GALACTIC HISTORIAN THE WATCHER WAS ARRESTED
WEDNESDAY AFTER HIS EYES BIT OFF A CHECK HIS BUTT COULDN'T CASH.
>> BUT I'M THE WATCHER.
I WAS JUST WATCHING.
>> YOU'RE A BIG-HEADED PERVERT!
>> SAY, STAN, HAVE YOU HEARD OF PARIS HILTON?
>> SAY, PAM, EVER HUNG FROM A CEILING FAN WHILE YOUR PARTNER
SAT ON A PAINT MIXER?
>> THE HARD-PARTYING CELEBUTANTE HAS FOUND LOVE WITH THE
UNLIKELIEST OF PARTNERS, SUPERMAN'S EVIL OPPOSITE,
BIZARRO.
>> BIZARRO HATE PARIS!
HATE HER VERY LITTLE!
>> OH, ISN'T HE THE CUTEST?
>> PARIS CROTCH SMELL VERY SWEET!
PARIS VAGINA VERY TIGHT!
>> WHAT?
>> IN OTHER NEWS, ME NOT WANT BURY FACE IN PAM'S FUNBAGS!
>> UH...HE'S OFF-CARD AGAIN.
SHOULD I -- >> AFTER A LONG CAREER OF ABJECT
FAILURE AS THE JUSTICE LEAGUE'S MOST IMPOTENT MEMBER, AQUAMAN
FINALLY HAS A NEW CAREER.
>> OH, NO!
I'VE TRAPPED MY FOOT IN SOME SEAWEED!
HELP ME, MY AQUATIC COMRADES!
[ WHALE SHOUTING ] NOW!
[ WHALE GROANS ] >> AS A WHALING INDUSTRY
CONSULTANT, AQUAMAN'S NEW JOB NETS HIM A SIX-FIGURE INCOME,
FULL BENEFITS, AND ALL THE WHALE HE CAN EAT.
>> AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SUPER SPONSORS.
>> OH, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
>> I WANT A DIVORCE.
>> DID SOMEBODY SAY FLACCID?
>> HOURMAN!
>> I WAS JUST PLAIN OLD REX TYLER UNTIL I DISCOVERED A
PILL THAT GAVE ME SUPERHUMAN ABILITIES FOR ONE FULL HOUR.
NOW, THANKS TO RIGIDOL, YOU CAN PUNCH OUT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
AND BECOME AN HOURMAN JUST LIKE ME!
>> WHOA!
>> OH, GOD!
YOU'RE MY HOURMAN, BABY!
YES! YES!
YES!
OH, BABY!
MERCIFUL HEAVENS!
>> OH, BABY, THAT'S IT!
>> OH! OH! OHH!
>> IF YOU BECOME FOUR-HOUR MAN, SEE A DOCTOR.
>> WHAT'S THE LATEST SUPERHERO GOSSIP?
>> I ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, BOOBINATOR.
SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST SUPERHERO GOSSIP?
[ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ] PAPARAZZI NABBED SPIDER-MAN
EMERGING FROM THE HOME OF MISS MAY PARKER, AGE 77.
>> IS IT A "MAY"-DECEMBER ROMANCE?
A MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE?
ONE SPIDEY SUPERVILLAIN HAD A DIFFERENT TAKE.
>> TAKE THAT, SPIDER-MAN!
AND THAT!
>> I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT THAT HORRIBLE SPIDER-MAN!
I'M A WIDOW ON FIXED INCOME!
>> I READ THE TABLOIDS, SPIDER-MAN!
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
>> "OH! HO HO HO!
MY POOR OLD BROKEN HIP!" "HA HA HA!
I'LL GET YOU NOW!" "OKAY, SHOW'S OVER.
NOW LET ME SHOW YOU MY KUNG-FU GROPE."
"GET OFF ME, YOU CREEPY COMIC-BOOK GUY!"
[ SMOOCHING ] >> STAN, HONEY, DINNER'S GETTING
COLD!
>> ZOUNDS!
I'M CAUGHT!
BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.
EXCELSIOR!
[ CRASHING ] >> STAN!
STAN!
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.
>> STAN, WHO IS THE WATCHER?
>> THE WATCHER SITS ON THE MOON AND WATCHES THINGS, JUST LIKE
THE PUNISHER PUNISHES THINGS, AND THE SHOCKER --
>> MOVING ON!