[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!
>> ♪ BASS WITH A BASS ♪ ♪ BASS WITH A BASS, BASS ♪
♪ BASS WITH A BASS, COME ON ♪ ♪ BASS WITH A BASS, BASS ♪
>> KRISTI?
JAMAL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS!
THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
AAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[ SCREAMING ] [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]
[ SCREAMING STOPS ] KRISTI?
JAMAL?
COME ON, YOU GUYS!
THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
AAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[ UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] [ BICYCLE BELL DINGS ]
>> ALL RIGHT, JASON! YEAH!
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ] >> [ CHUCKLES ]
[ NECK CRACKS ] >> [ SCREAMING ]
>> [ GROWLS ] UNH!
>> WHERE DOES RAIN COME FROM?
>> IT'S GOD JUST PISSING ON YOUR DUMBASS HEAD.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SON?
>> SO, WITH HOUSING STARTS THE LOWEST THEY'VE BEEN SINCE 2003,
I THOUGHT THE INTEREST-ONLY LOAN WAS VIABLE.
I MEAN, DID YOU KNOW THE FINANCIAL CRISIS OF 2008 WAS
CAUSED BY UNREGULATED DERIVATIVES AS MUCH AS
HOUSING -- EXCUSE ME. HELLO? YEAH.
MY EYES ARE UP HERE.
>> UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
OH, YEAH. UH-HUH.
YEAH, YEAH.
>> WELL, LISTEN, WHAT MORE CAN I SAY ABOUT A GUY WHO PUT
"COMMANDER" IN HIS NAME?
HEY, WE GET IT.
[ CHUCKLES ] NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE A
GREAT COBRA COMMANDER.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
[ ALL CHUCKLE ] >> THAT WAS FUNNY.
>> HEY, THANKS FOR COMING OUT, EVERYBODY.
BARONESS, I PROMISE I'LL MAKE THIS QUICK SO YOU CAN GET BACK
TO SUCKING DESTRO'S [BLEEP] [ NERVOUS LAUGHTER ]
I SWEAR, IF HE WORE THAT HELMET ON HIS [BLEEP] SHE'D HAVE LEAD
POISONING.
AM I RIGHT?
HEY, XAMOT, I HEAR YOU EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING TOMAX
DOES.
I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU KNOW WHAT MY [BLEEP] TASTES LIKE, TOO.
I SEE YOU OVER THERE, SERPENTOR.
DIDN'T DR. MINDBENDER GIVE YOU THE MEMO?
THE HUNT'S OVER.
YOU CAN STOP GATHERING DNA.
ARR! ARR! ARR!
NICE OUTFIT, BY THE WAY.
IF IT WERE ANY LOUDER, I'D HAVE TO WEAR EARPLUGS WHEN YOU SUCK
MY [BLEEP] GEE, I WONDER WHAT HE WANTED TO
SAY.
[ As Mindbender ] "I VANT TO BEND YOUR MIND INTO LETTING ME
SUCK YOUR [BLEEP]" [ LAUGHS ]
DON'T WORRY.
I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU, COBRA COMMANDER.
IT IS YOUR NIGHT, AFTER ALL.
THE RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZER DETERMINED TO SUCK MY [BLEEP]
>> HOW DARE YOU!
>> HEY, IS YOUR VOICE OKAY?
LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING FOR YOUR THROAT.
My [BLEEP] My [BLEEP]
[ ALL SHOUTING ANGRILY ] IT'S WORKING.
>> WILD BILL'S DISGUISE WORKED!
WE RUINED COBRA COMMANDER'S ROAST!
>> ALL RIGHT!
[ Gunshot ] >> BILL?
>> [ COUGHS ] >> START THE VAN.
>> FIRST DIVISION, CHA-A-A-RGE!
[ GUNS COCK ] >> GENERAL!
>> MAJOR!
NO! OUTRANKED!
>> CAPTAIN.
>> COLONEL.
>> NAH! SON OF A -- >> HA HA HA!
>> SERGEANT!
DAMN IT!
>> AW, COME ON!
>> HA HA! MAJOR!
DIE!
>> OH, PLEASE!
I'M -- I'M JUST A SCOUT!
[ SIZZLING ] [ GUN COCKS ]
>> CAPTAIN!
>> SURELY, ONE BOMB CAN'T DETONATE THREE T--
AAH!
>> VICTORY WILL BE OURS!
HUH?
>> H-HEY, GUYS, I GOT IT!
I GOT THEIR FLAG!
WE WIN!
>> W-WHAT?!
YOU DON'T WIN!
WE'RE CREAMING YOU GUYS!
>> [ Singsong voice ] I GOT YOUR FLAG!
THAT MEANS WE WIN!
>> THAT'S TOTAL CRAP!
I USED A WAY BETTER STRATEGY!
>> BUT I USED A BETTER STRATEGO.
[ TING! ] >> BABY NEEDS A NAME, YOUR WISH
CAME TRUE.
YOU HAVE A PET OF YOUR BERRY OWN.
>> YES, STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.
BUT I HAVE ANOTHER WISH.
I WANT TO HAVE A NAME OF MY VERY OWN, TOO.
>> WE SHOULD GIVE YOU A NAME SOON AND NOT LEAVE IT OPEN TO
DEBATE.
STRAWBERRY LAND IS BERRY SHELTERED, BUT IT'S A BIG WORLD
OUT THERE, AND OTHERS MIGHT HAVE BERRY DIFFERENT OPINIONS ABOUT
WHAT CONSTITUTES AN APPROPRIATE NAME.
>> I'M NOT WORRIED.
>> WELL, I'M JUST SAYING.
[ DOOR BANGS ] OH.
HELLO, BITCH PUDDING.
>> WHASSUP, HOES?
[ FARTS ] [ SCOFFS ]
[ TAB POPS ] [ DOOR SLAMS ]
>> WHEW!
ANYWAY, I'M SURE THAT ONE DAY, SOMEONE WILL GIVE YOU A NAME --
>> BLAM!
YOUR NAME IS [BLEEP] FACE!
YOU [BLEEP] [BLEEP] FACE!
BLAM!
[BLEEP] FACE!
BLAM!
[BLEEP] FACE!
BLAM, BITCHES!
♪ DA-DA-DAAAA DAAAA ♪ BITCH PUDDING!
[ DOOR SLAMS ] [ CRASH ]
[ DOOR SLAMS ] >> [ SIGHS ]
I AM SO SORRY.
I THINK SHE HAS ASPERGER'S OR SOMETHING.
BUT DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, BABY NEEDS A NAME.
>> NO, NO.
CALL ME [BLEEP] FACE.
>> MOMMY, WHAT ARE EGGS?
>> BABY CHICKENS, SWEETIE.
>> DO ALL BABIES COME FROM EGGS?
>> YES, THEY DO.
>> DID I COME FROM AN EGG?
>> YOU SURE DID, DEAR.
>> IS THE MAMA CHICKEN SAD THAT WE'RE EATING HER BABIES?
>> GOD, I HOPE SO.
A CHICKEN KILLED YOUR FATHER!
AAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
>> I'M TRYING TO READ!
[ CRASH, SCUFFLING ] >> UGH! A ROCK LORD?!
SERIOUSLY?!
[BLEEP] YOU BOTH.
>> YOU KNOW, IN SOME COUNTRIES, LITTLE BOYS ARE GRATEFUL FOR
ROCK LORDS.
>> OH, YEAH? WHAT COUNTRIES?
>> OH, A ROCK LORD!
THANK YOU, MOTHER!
THANK YOU, FATHER!
I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE SUCH THOUGHTFUL PARENTS.
[ TRILLING ] >> ROCK LORDS!
THEY HURT LIKE A [BLEEP] [ TRILLING ]
>> FOR MY NEXT FEAT, I WILL WALK ACROSS HOT COALS WHILE
EXPLAINING WHAT THE HELL I AM.
>> NO.
FOR YOUR NEXT FEAT, YOU DIE!
>> AAAH!
[ SIZZLING ] >> GONZO DIED AS HE LIVED, AND
OUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN.
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. STEVE MARTIN!
YAAAY!
>> THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD.
I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE MAKES ME LIE DOWN...
>> OOH!
ARE WE BURYING HIM IN A SYBIAN?
>> [ CLUCKING ] >> YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME A
MUPPET DIED WAS -- >> EXCUSE ME!
>> DON'T YOU MEAN...
"EXCU-U-U-U-SE ME!" >> NO! THIS IS A FUNERAL!
I'M WORKING!
DO I COME TO WHERE YOU WORK AND KNOCK THE [BLEEP] OUT OF YOUR
MOUTH?
>> WOW. STEVE'S WORKING BLUE.
BUT HE'S RIGHT.
WE VOWED NEVER TO TALK ABOUT...
THAT NIGHT.
[ EERIE MUSIC PLAYS ] >> [ SPEAKING SWEDISH ]
>> AND THEN THE DAD SAYS, "THE ARISTOCRATS!"
WAKKA WAKKA!
>> HEY, FOZZIE, WHY DID THE BEAR TURN RED?
>> I DON'T KNOW, STRANGER.
>> BECAUSE HE WAS "EM-BEAR-RASSED."
>> [ Unenthused ] WAKKA, WAKKA.
>> THEN HOW ABOUT THIS -- BECAUSE I [BLEEP] STABBED HIM!
>> WAA-HAA!
WHAT A SHOWSTOPPER.
[ GROANS ] >> SEE?
I TOLD YOU THE BEAR WAS GONNA DIE ONSTAGE TONIGHT.
[ BOTH LAUGH ] >> HEY, GUYS...
CAN YOU STOP LAUGHING AND CALL ME AN AMBULANCE?
>> YOU'RE AN AMBULANCE!
[ BOTH LAUGH ] [ SCRAPING ]
[ SCUFFLING, FOZZIE SCREAMING ] [ SQUEAK ]
>> FIRST GONZO, NOW FOZZIE.
COULD WE BE PAYING THE PRICE FOR WHAT WE DID TO --
>> DON'T SAY THAT NAME, KERMIE!
>> OH!
MISS PIGGY'S TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!
WOW! HEY, EVERYBODY! COME HERE!
YOU GOT TO COME SEE THIS!
PIGGY'S TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!
WOW!
MUST BE A DAY THAT ENDS IN "Y"!
HEY, UH, SCOOTER?
>> OH, HEY, THERE, BOSS.
>> WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT SKEETER'S DEATH.
>> WHY, SURE.
I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY TWIN SISTER.
IF NOT FOR THAT TRAGIC ACCIDENT --
>> YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.
I GOT SOMETHING I GOT TO TELL YOU.
LET'S PLAY "THE LITTLE MERMAID"!
>> LET'S QUESTION KERMIT'S SEXUALITY!
WAKKA WAKKA!
>> HOLD ON.
LET ME GRAB MY FLOATIES.
>> WHAT A NERD.
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ] MOI WILL PLAY LA PETITE
MERMAID.
>> MERMAIDS AREN'T FAT!
>> WHA-- >> YIKES!
SKEETER, IF YOU ONLY TAKE MY ADVICE ONCE IN YOUR NATURAL
LIFE, TAKE IT NOW.
WALK AWAY.
OHH!
>> NANNY!
SKEETER'S HITTING US AGAIN!
>> YEAH, WHO'S THE HOMO NOW?
>> [ GROANS ] >> UNH!
>> IF WE DO THIS THING, IT'S OUR SECRET FOREVER.
>> [ MUFFLED SCREAMING ] [ SCREAMING STOPS ]
>> All: NANNY!
>> YOU KILLED MY SISTER?!
>> YEAH, WELL, IT WAS 60% SELF-DEFENSE, BUT WE'RE KIND OF
BURYING THE LEAD HERE.
WE THINK SKEETER'S COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE FOR REVENGE!
>> OH, SKEETER WILL HAVE HER REVENGE.
[ "PSYCHO" THEME PLAYS ] >> Both: AAAAH!
>> 15 SECONDS TILL YOUR DEATH!
>> HYAH!
WHA-- >> HERE IT COMES! SHOWTIME!
>> [ CLUCKING ] >> YOU CAN'T SHOOT ME.
CHICKENS DON'T EVEN HAVE FINGERS.
OHH!
>> THAT BIT NEVER GETS OLD.
[ BANJO MUSIC PLAYS ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[ UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] >> [ IMITATES GUNSHOT ]
WHEW!