[ THUNDER CRASHING ]
[ DRILLING, SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
>> MOTHER, FATHER, THIS IS MY
BOYFRIEND, MARIO.
[ CHIMES PLAY ]
>> CHARMED TO FINALLY MEET YOUR
ACQUAINTANCE, MARI-- OH!
DID A PIG [BLEEP] OUT A DEAD
FETUS IN HERE?
>> [ SNIFFS ] OH-HO-HO!
I BEG-A YOU FORGIVENESS.
I COME-A HERE THROUGH THE SEWER
LINE.
[ CHIMES PLAY ]
EH?
>> MARIO'S A PLUMBER.
>> SO HE COMMUTES THROUGH HUMAN
WASTE?
>> AND HE'S ITALIAN.
>> OH, OKAY. SAY NO MORE.
[ CHIMES PLAY ]
>> DID YOU LOSE SOMETHING,
MARIO?
>> HEY, HEY! I-A FOUND-A ONE!
>> [ CHUCKLES ] YES.
IN OUR SOFA.
[ DING! ]
>> AND THERE IT GOES.
>> SO I SAYS, "AYE, PAISAN,
TOILET PAPER AND-A PAPER
TOWELS -- THEY AIN'T THE SAME
THING!"
[ LAUGHS ]
>> [ Sarcastically ] MM, ANOTHER
CLOGGED TOILET STORY.
WHAT A DELIGHTFUL COMPLIMENT TO
OUR MUSHROOM SOUP.
>> MUSHROOMS?! AY-YI-YI!
[ SNEEZES ]
>> REMIND ME TO BRING MUSHROOMS
ON OUR HONEYMOON.
>> I'M SO SORRY.
I HAVE A FEW ALLERGIES.
MAMA MIA! FLOWERS!
[ SNEEZES ]
>> OH! MY DRAPES!
MY MEAT DRAPES!
>> BOTH EQUALLY DUSTY.
>> AY-YI-YI!
[ SNEEZES ]
[ DING! DING! DING! ]
[ "GAME OVER" MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> I, PROFESSOR
CORNELIUS Q. QUIBBLEFINGERS,
WILL BE THE FIRST HUMAN BEING TO
TRAVEL BACK IN TIME AND SEE THE
MAGNIFICENT DINOSAURS!
[ AIR HISSING ]
I GIVE YOU THE DELAPTADON!
[ GUN COCKS ]
[ GUNSHOT ]
AAH!
I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY.
SLIGHT MISCALCULATION.
SCIENCE MUST NOT BE STOPPED.
I SHALL ATTEMPT AGAIN.
I GIVE YOU THE MIGHTY
TRIACTADOR!
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ SCREAMS ]
I, PROFESSOR
CORNELIUS Q. QUIBBLEFINGERS,
SHALL PERSEVERE!
I SHALL ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE!
I GIVE YOU THE EVER-RARE
BRONTIOSLAURADON!
[ GUNSHOTS ]
AAH! AAH! AAH!
>> I MUST NOT STOP.
I MUST GET TO THE MAGNIFICENT
DINOSAURS!
EUREKA!
[ GUNSHOTS ]
OH, THE IRONY!
[ GUNSHOTS ]
SO BEAUTIFUL!
[ GUNSHOTS ]
WHAT A MARVEL OF NATURE!
>> [ CRYING ]
>> FRANKIE? SWEETIE?
>> OH, MUMSY! OH, DADUMS!
>> OH, GOD.
>> PHILIP AND I -- WE HAD A
FIGHT, A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE
FIGHT, AND HE -- HE BROKE UP
WITH [Sobbing] ME!
>> MAYBE IF YOU TRIED DATING A
GIRL FOR ONCE.
>> FRANK! BE NICE.
>> NICE?
NICE IS A FATHER WHO WANTS HIS
SON TO HAVE THE BEST OF
EVERYTHING AND DIGS THROUGH
FRESH GRAVES FOR TWO WEEKS --
TWO WEEKS -- TO FIND A BIG,
THICK, VEINY PENIS TO GIVE HIM.
AND THEN YOU GO AND PUT THE
HEART OF A LITTLE SCHOOLGIRL IN
HIS CHEST.
>> I WANTED HIM TO HAVE SOME
SENSITIVITY, UNLIKE HIS FATHER.
I'M SO SORRY, SWEETIE.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?
>> OH, MUMSY!
HE SAID HE NEVER WANTED TO TALK
TO ME AGAIN!
>> AND IF YOU WERE A REAL MAN,
YOU WOULD HAVE RIPPED OFF HIS
LOWER JAW SO HE COULDN'T TALK TO
YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE, EVER!
>> OH, DADUMS --
>> DAD! CALL ME DAD! OR POPS!
OR PA! THE OLD MAN! ANYTHING!
FRANK!
BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD --
>> STOP THAT, FRANK.
CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S IN PAIN?
>> A PITCHFORK IN THE CHEST --
THAT'S PAIN, OKAY?
SOMEONE LIGHTING YOUR NUTS ON
FIRE -- THAT'S PAIN!
>> EMOTIONAL PAIN.
>> [ GROANS ]
>> HI, MR. FRANKENSTEIN.
>> UGH.
>> IS FRANKENBERRY HOME?
>> PHILIP?
>> FRANKIE, I-I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN ALL THOSE THINGS
I SAID.
THERE'S -- THERE'S JUST BEEN SO
MUCH --
>> OH, PHILIP. I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.
YOU'RE MY YUMMY MUMMY.
[ BOTH CRYING ]
>> UGH. ALL RIGHT.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO TAKE A
[BLEEP]
MAYBE I CAN MOLD SOME SORT OF A
REAL SON OUT OF THAT.
>> EXCUSE ME, GOD.
CAN YOU MAKE SOMETHING SO HEAVY
EVEN YOU CAN'T LIFT IT?
>> I AM [BLEEP] EATING!
JESUS?!
>> YES?
>> GET THIS GUY OUT OF MY FACE.
>> All right. Come on.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL, MAN!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE
COOL!
>> THROW IT IN THE FIRE,
MR. FRODO.
>> NO! THE RING IS MINE, SAM!
>> MY PRECIOUS!
GIVE US BACK MY PRECIOUS!
BLEH!
WE FOUND HOBBITSES' FINGER, BUT
WHERE IS MY PRECIOUS?
>> IT'S THERE.
IT'S -- IT'S JUST FURTHER BACK.
>> [ CHOKING ]
>> IT'S THERE.
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
BUT IT'S STUCK.
YOU'LL HAVE TO USE YOUR TONGUE
AND GET IT ALL WET.
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.
JUST A LITTLE MORE.
OH, YEAH.
OH, YES.
YES!
THE SHIRE!
>> WHERE'S PRECIOUS?
>> HERE. YOU'VE EARNED IT.
>> MY PRECIOUS!
[ LAUGHS ]
OHH?
WHOOPSIE.
IF HOBBITSES PUTS MY PRECIOUS
ON, WE WILL HAVE TO TRY AND
TAKES IT AGAIN, WON'T WE?
>> MM-HMM.
>> I GOT A LARGE DOUBLE
HALF-CAF, NON-FAT MOCHA WITH SOY
FOR KLTPZYSAM?
>> THAT'S KLTPZYXM.
OH! NO, WAIT!
[ POOF! ]
>> [ LAUGHS ] BETTER LUCK NEXT
TIME, MXYZPTLK!
>> DUDE, YOU CAN'T BE BACK
HERE.
>> THE L.Z. MAY BE SWARMING
WITH COVENANT, MARINES, BUT
YOU'LL HAVE THE MASTER CHIEF
BACKING YOU UP.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T SHOW YOU WHAT
I REALLY LOOK LIKE.
>> CHIEF, DO WE HAVE ENOUGH
AMMO FOR ALL THESE --
>> I'M GONNA HAVE TO STOP YOU
RIGHT THERE, SOLDIER.
I KNOW I LOOK PRETTY GENERIC,
BUT THAT'S SO YOU CAN IDENTIFY
WITH ME.
DOES ANYONE HAVE A QUESTION
THAT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I LOOK
LIKE?
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
THIS IS IT, BOYS.
[ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING ]
[ GUNFIRE ]
>> [ COUGHS ] I'M DYING, CHIEF!
>> IF YOU THINK I'LL GIVE YOU A
DYING PEEK AT MY FACE, I'M
SORRY.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
DESPITE THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF
PEOPLE READILY IDENTIFYING WITH
DISTINCT PROTAGONISTS, I BELIEVE
SHOWING MY FACE WOULD ALIENATE
MY AUDIENCE.
>> WILL YOU SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP!
WHERE IS YOUR GUN?!
WHAT?
WHAT?!
I CAN'T TELL WHAT YOU'RE DOING
WITH YOUR FACE!
>> IT'S A SECRET.
>> WELL, YOU BETTER BE CRYING IN
THERE, DICKBAG, BECAUSE YOU WERE
OUR LAST LINE OF DEFENSE.
I SWEAR, YOUR EXPRESSION BETTER
BE ONE OF AWED EPIPHANY AT HOW
BADLY YOU [BLEEP] UP RIGHT NOW.
>> CAN I USE YOUR GUN IF I FIND
YOU A NEEDLER?
>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] DID YOU JUST
SAY TO ME?
IF YOU WANT TO CALL ME AN
ASSHOLE, YOU BETTER SAY IT TO MY
FACE!
>> YOU THREE DROWNED AND MELTED
A WOMAN BASED ON THE COLOR OF
HER SKIN.
IN THIS COURT'S EYES, THAT IS A
HATE CRIME.
>> IT WAS DORO--
>> SHUT UP, LION!
>> I DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN FOR
THAT BITCH!
SHE AIN'T MISSING ME "MOST OF
ALL," IS SHE?
>> THE COURT FINDS YOU GUILTY OF
MURDER AND SENTENCES YOU TO 10
TO 15 YEARS IN A
MAXIMUM-SECURITY PRISON.
>> BUT THAT AIN'T FAIR!
>> WHO WAS OUR LAWYER?
>> SORRY, BOYS -- GOOD AT
FLYING, BAD AT LAWYERING.
>> I'M GONNA RAPE ME A ROBOT
TONIGHT!
>> GOT A NEW FISH FOR YOU,
SIMMONS.
>> THAT'S MY BUNK.
>> OH, I'M SORRY.
I'LL MOVE IT DOWN TO --
>> THAT ONE'S TAKEN, TOO,
SILLY STRAW.
>> OH. OKAY, UM, WHERE DO I --
>> WELL, I'LL RENT YOU THAT BUNK
UP THERE, BUT THE RENT AIN'T
CHEAP.
>> THAT'D BE JUST SWELL.
>> YOU GOT ANY JELLY OR SOME
KIND OF SYRUP OR SOMETHING?
>> HMM? FOR WHAT?
>> FOR EATING MY [BLEEP] WITH!
YOU WANT THAT BUNK, YOU GOT TO
TOSS MY SALAD, PRAG, OR YOU CAN
LET ME ADD SOME STUFFING TO YOUR
MUFFIN -- EITHER WAY.
[ PRISONERS SHOUTING ]
>> [ CRYING ]
>> OH, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.
>> THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE SO
MEAN.
>> COME ON, BUDDY.
YOU'VE GOT COURAGE NOW.
WE DO A SIMPLE DIME TO 15.
>> I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.
YOU'LL SEE. IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
[ CREAKING ]
>> "I JUST DON'T HAVE THE
HEART."
[ CRYING ]
[ BUZZER ]
>> OH, SCARECROW, WHAT HAS
HAPPENED TO YOU?
>> [ CHUCKLES ] THIS PLACE --
THIS PLACE HAPPENED TO ME.
>> IS IT THAT BAD?
>> IT AIN'T KANSAS, SUGARPOP.
>> OH, DEAR!
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?
>> WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME A
LITTLE SKIN?
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.
>> UM, I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW --
>> YOUR TITS! YOUR TOTOS!
PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS!
>> [ CRYING ]
NO, I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T.
[ SOBBING ]
>> AUNTIE EM RAISED A REAL
BITCH.
>> OH, NO.
NO. NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
NOOOOOO!
[ SOBBING ]
>> I SWEAR, THAT'S THE TRUTH --
AND I AIN'T LION!
[ LAUGHS ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> [ GROANS ]
[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]
[ CLONG! ]
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!
YOU LIKE JELLY?!
IT'S A STREAMER PARTY!
[ LAUGHS ]
WHO'S TOSSING WHOSE SALAD NOW?!
[ LAUGHS ]
[ WHACK! WHACK! ]
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS?
>> IF YOU ONLY HAD THE BALLS.
>> WELL, WE ARE GOING TO
ELECTROCUTE YOU.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
LIGHT UP MY LIFE!
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
[ ZAP! ]
>> [ SOBBING ]
[ SQUEAK! SQUEAK! ]
[ SQUEAKING CONTINUES ]
>> BA-DA-BA BA-DA-BAP, SUPERMAN!