WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000 00:00:05.038 --> 00:00:08.875 line:21% position:35% size:48% [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 00:00:08.942 --> 00:00:10.910 line:21% position:10% size:60% align:start [ SAWING ] [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 00:00:18.151 --> 00:00:19.819 line:21% position:28% size:28% IT'S ALIVE! 00:00:27.360 --> 00:00:32.465 line:21% position:35% size:48% [ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 00:00:32.532 --> 00:00:38.138 line:21% position:10% size:43% align:start [ SMOOCH! ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] 00:00:38.204 --> 00:00:40.974 line:21% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ LA LA AND THAT WAS "LA LA LA LA LA-LA 00:00:41.040 --> 00:00:43.576 line:21% position:10% size:80% align:start LA-LA LA-LA LA," SMURFING UP THE CHARTS. 00:00:43.643 --> 00:00:46.780 line:21% position:10% size:73% align:start BEFORE THAT WE HEARD "LA LA LA LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA." 00:00:46.846 --> 00:00:50.316 line:21% position:43% size:63% NOW, AT NUMBER 84, HERE'S "LA-LA LA, LA-LA LA-LA." 00:00:50.383 --> 00:00:53.386 line:21% position:10% size:40% align:start ♪ LA LA LA-LA LA ♪ SMURF RADIO 00:00:53.453 --> 00:00:55.255 line:21% position:38% size:55% [ GUN COCKS, GUNSHOT ] 00:00:55.455 --> 00:00:57.323 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start [ VIDEO-GAME MUSIC PLAY ] [ BEE ] 00:01:06.299 --> 00:01:09.836 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start [ POP! POP! POP! POP! POP ] [ POWER-UP BEEPING ] 00:01:09.903 --> 00:01:13.006 line:79% position:10% size:25% align:start [ VOMITS ] [ POP ] 00:01:13.072 --> 00:01:15.708 line:79% position:43% size:65% IT'S TIME TO TAKE DOWN THE MASTER CONTROL PROGRAM! 00:01:15.775 --> 00:01:17.644 line:79% position:50% size:65% BUT, TRON, ARE WE POWERFUL ENOUGH? 00:01:17.710 --> 00:01:18.678 line:85% position:28% size:30% DON'T WORRY. 00:01:18.745 --> 00:01:21.114 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start THERE'S A NEW PROGRAM ON THE GRID THAT CAN HELP US. 00:01:21.181 --> 00:01:22.182 line:85% position:25% size:28% HEY, BASIC! 00:01:22.248 --> 00:01:23.783 line:85% position:20% size:15% HELLO. 00:01:23.850 --> 00:01:24.751 line:85% position:23% size:25% LET'S SEE. 00:01:24.818 --> 00:01:27.287 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start "10, PRINT, MASTER CONTROL PROGRAM EATS FARTS. 00:01:27.353 --> 00:01:28.655 line:85% position:28% size:33% 20, GOTO 10." 00:01:28.721 --> 00:01:32.459 line:79% position:10% size:50% align:start [ COMPUTER BEEPING ] I DO NOT! 00:01:32.525 --> 00:01:35.962 line:79% position:45% size:68% PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ANIMATION INTENSITY WITH... 00:01:36.029 --> 00:01:37.597 line:85% position:35% size:50% "THE STREET SHARKS"! 00:01:37.664 --> 00:01:40.834 line:79% position:45% size:70% IT'S IN-YOUR-FACE, HALF-MAN, HALF-SHARK ACTION THAT'S... 00:01:40.900 --> 00:01:43.169 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE NINJA TURTLES! 00:01:43.236 --> 00:01:46.005 line:79% position:50% size:80% THINK THIS IS A STORY ABOUT FOUR ANIMALS TURNING INTO FUN-LOVING 00:01:46.072 --> 00:01:46.840 line:85% position:18% size:15% TEENS? 00:01:46.906 --> 00:01:48.274 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start [ BUZZER ] [ Deep voice ] THINK AGAIN! 00:01:48.341 --> 00:01:51.511 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start [ Normal voice ] IT'S ABOUT FOUR TEENS WHO TURN INTO ANIMALS! 00:01:51.578 --> 00:01:54.214 line:79% position:18% size:63% align:start [ ROARS ] AND WHEN IT COMES TO FUN, 00:01:54.280 --> 00:01:55.548 line:85% position:50% size:73% THEY CAN TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT! 00:01:55.615 --> 00:01:56.783 line:85% position:43% size:58% [ Surfer accent ] WHOA! 00:01:56.850 --> 00:01:57.917 line:85% position:43% size:63% NOW, THAT'S A FRESH TAKE! 00:01:57.984 --> 00:02:01.354 line:79% position:48% size:73% PLUS, YOU WON'T HEAR ANY HACKNEYED TURTLE PUNS ON THIS 00:02:01.421 --> 00:02:01.788 line:85% position:18% size:13% SHOW! 00:02:01.855 --> 00:02:03.022 line:85% position:30% size:33% All: JAWSOME! 00:02:03.089 --> 00:02:05.425 line:79% position:48% size:73% AND IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR THE STREET SHARKS TO EAT PIZZA OR 00:02:05.492 --> 00:02:08.027 line:79% position:50% size:70% MENTION LIKING PIZZA, WELL, BUDDY, I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE 00:02:08.094 --> 00:02:10.396 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start SOMEWHERE TO BE, 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A LONG WAIT! 00:02:10.463 --> 00:02:11.464 line:85% position:38% size:48% WE LIKE HAMBURGERS! 00:02:11.531 --> 00:02:12.398 line:85% position:30% size:33% AND HOT DOGS! 00:02:12.465 --> 00:02:15.235 line:79% position:40% size:58% [ ALARM WAILING ] UNIQUE CHARACTER ALERT! 00:02:15.301 --> 00:02:16.636 line:85% position:40% size:58% UNIQUE CHARACTER ALERT! 00:02:16.703 --> 00:02:19.305 line:79% position:43% size:63% "THE STREET SHARKS," THIS SATURDAY! 00:02:19.372 --> 00:02:23.076 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start IT'S ONE SHELL OF A GOOD TIME -- OH, WAIT. 00:02:24.477 --> 00:02:27.580 line:79% position:35% size:48% [ NEIGHING ] WELCOME TO MY BOOK! 00:02:27.647 --> 00:02:30.617 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start WHEN YOU HEAR MY MAGICAL UNICORN NOISE... 00:02:30.683 --> 00:02:32.886 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start [ TWINKLE ] ...YOU'LL KNOW IT'S TIME TO 00:02:32.952 --> 00:02:34.220 line:85% position:28% size:35% TURN THE PAGE! 00:02:34.287 --> 00:02:35.388 line:85% position:28% size:33% LET'S TRY IT. 00:02:35.455 --> 00:02:37.957 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start [ TWINKLE ] WHAT A LOVELY DAY TO PRANCE 00:02:38.024 --> 00:02:39.259 line:85% position:35% size:48% THROUGH THE FOREST. 00:02:39.325 --> 00:02:40.827 line:85% position:40% size:60% SAY, DO YOU HEAR VOICES? 00:02:40.894 --> 00:02:42.829 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start [ CHILDREN GIGGLING ] [ TWINKLE ] 00:02:42.896 --> 00:02:45.398 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start THOSE KIDS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING FUN. 00:02:45.465 --> 00:02:47.967 line:79% position:13% size:75% align:start BUT I KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE FUN! 00:02:48.034 --> 00:02:50.069 line:79% position:10% size:28% align:start [ TWINKLE ] [ LAUGH ] 00:02:50.136 --> 00:02:52.672 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start COME AND GET YOUR CLOTHES, IF YOU CAN! 00:02:52.739 --> 00:02:55.675 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start [ TWINKLE ] WANT TO HAVE FUN LIKE US? 00:02:55.742 --> 00:02:58.678 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOSE THOSE CLOTHES! 00:02:58.745 --> 00:03:02.081 line:79% position:13% size:75% align:start [ TWINKLE ] REALLY! GET THOSE CLOTHES OFF! 00:03:02.148 --> 00:03:04.918 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start [ TWINKLE ] I'M DEAD SERIOUS, KIDS. 00:03:04.984 --> 00:03:07.453 line:79% position:10% size:55% align:start [ TWINKLE ] [ NEIGHS CONTENTEDLY ] 00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:08.688 line:85% position:28% size:33% THERE YOU GO. 00:03:08.755 --> 00:03:11.624 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start [ TWINKLE ] KNOW WHAT'S ALSO FUN? 00:03:11.691 --> 00:03:13.026 line:85% position:33% size:45% LICKING THIS BOOK! 00:03:13.092 --> 00:03:15.828 line:79% position:15% size:70% align:start I CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME! 00:03:15.895 --> 00:03:17.764 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start [ VIDEO-GAME MUSIC PLAY ] [ LIGHT SWITCH CLICK ] 00:03:24.404 --> 00:03:26.839 line:21% position:45% size:68% OH, THE MONOTONY OF BEING A COBBLER! 00:03:26.906 --> 00:03:28.007 line:21% position:33% size:45% I WISH I WAS DEAD. 00:03:28.074 --> 00:03:29.042 line:21% position:28% size:30% DON'T WORRY! 00:03:29.108 --> 00:03:30.076 line:21% position:30% size:38% WE'LL HELP YOU! 00:03:30.143 --> 00:03:31.744 line:21% position:23% size:25% [ GASPS ] THANK YOU! 00:03:31.811 --> 00:03:33.746 line:21% position:10% size:40% align:start [ SHING! ] [ ALL GRUNTING ] 00:03:33.813 --> 00:03:35.748 line:21% position:10% size:78% align:start [ GROANS ] STILL...BETTER THAN...COBBLING! 00:03:35.815 --> 00:03:36.683 line:21% position:23% size:25% [ GROANS ] 00:03:36.950 --> 00:03:38.818 line:79% position:45% size:68% OH, IT SAYS HERE PEOPLE ARE STILL READING NEWSPAPERS. 00:03:38.885 --> 00:03:39.953 line:79% position:10% size:28% align:start [ WHIR! ] [ SCREAMS ] 00:03:40.019 --> 00:03:43.656 line:79% position:45% size:68% [ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ] THIS HUMAN IS DEFECATING. 00:03:43.723 --> 00:03:46.526 line:79% position:43% size:65% FECES IS HARD TO CLEAN OFF OUR MICRO-SERVERS. 00:03:46.593 --> 00:03:51.965 line:79% position:45% size:70% WE WILL WAIT UNTIL THE HUMAN IS FINISHED DEFECATING. 00:03:52.031 --> 00:03:55.435 line:79% position:43% size:65% [ MUSIC STOPS ] WELL, I CAN'T GO IF I KNOW 00:03:55.501 --> 00:03:56.836 line:85% position:38% size:53% YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME! 00:03:56.903 --> 00:03:59.405 line:79% position:50% size:70% AND WE CAN'T KILL YOU UNLESS YOU GO. 00:03:59.472 --> 00:04:01.541 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] PARADOX! PARADOX! 00:04:01.608 --> 00:04:04.043 line:85% position:33% size:43% PARADOX! PARADOX! 00:04:04.110 --> 00:04:05.445 line:85% position:30% size:35% OH, THANK GOD. 00:04:05.511 --> 00:04:08.014 line:85% position:33% size:43% [ GROANS, FARTS ] 00:04:08.081 --> 00:04:12.785 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start AND NOW THE HBO ORIGINAL SERIES "BOARDWALK MONOPOLY." 00:04:12.852 --> 00:04:13.987 line:85% position:30% size:35% ROLL THE DICE. 00:04:14.053 --> 00:04:15.221 line:85% position:33% size:45% TAKE YOUR CHANCES. 00:04:15.288 --> 00:04:17.056 line:85% position:48% size:73% THAT'S THE ATLANTIC CITY WAY. 00:04:17.123 --> 00:04:19.525 line:79% position:43% size:65% YOU CAN'T BUILD A HOTEL ON BALTIC! 00:04:19.592 --> 00:04:21.794 line:85% position:48% size:75% THE HOUSES ARE PEOPLE'S HOMES! 00:04:21.861 --> 00:04:23.896 line:85% position:35% size:48% I OWN THOSE HOUSES! 00:04:23.963 --> 00:04:27.233 line:85% position:48% size:75% IT'S CALLED A MONOPOLY, BITCH! 00:04:27.300 --> 00:04:29.902 line:79% position:45% size:70% THE COMMUNITY CHEST IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING, PENNYBAGS! 00:04:29.969 --> 00:04:31.170 line:85% position:43% size:60% YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS! 00:04:31.237 --> 00:04:33.606 line:79% position:40% size:60% [ GROWLING ] YOU REALLY GONNA FIX THE 00:04:33.673 --> 00:04:35.041 line:85% position:48% size:75% BEAUTY PAGEANT FOR ME, MISTER? 00:04:35.108 --> 00:04:35.875 line:85% position:28% size:28% NO PROBLEM! 00:04:35.942 --> 00:04:38.678 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start I'M THE CHAIRMAN OF THE -- BRUUU-OHHHH! 00:04:38.745 --> 00:04:40.613 line:79% position:45% size:68% AND FOR 2nd PLACE, SHE WINS $10! 00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:42.615 line:79% position:40% size:58% [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT PIG! 00:04:42.682 --> 00:04:45.385 line:79% position:43% size:65% I KNEW SOMEDAY IT'D BE YOU AND ME IN JAIL TOGETHER. 00:04:45.451 --> 00:04:46.586 line:85% position:38% size:48% NOT ME, OLD FRIEND. 00:04:46.653 --> 00:04:47.587 line:85% position:33% size:45% I'M JUST VISITING. 00:04:47.654 --> 00:04:50.256 line:79% position:43% size:63% [ LAUGHS ] YOU BACKSTABBING BASTARD! 00:04:50.323 --> 00:04:51.758 line:21% position:45% size:63% I CAME HERE WITH NOTHING. 00:04:51.824 --> 00:04:54.293 line:21% position:10% size:73% align:start THEN I LANDED ON FREE PARKING AND WON THE POT! 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:55.695 line:21% position:43% size:58% THAT'S NOT A REAL RULE! 00:04:55.762 --> 00:04:56.996 line:21% position:33% size:40% IT'S HOW I PLAY! 00:04:57.063 --> 00:04:58.197 line:21% position:28% size:35% [ DOG WHINES ] 00:05:00.133 --> 00:05:01.934 line:79% position:43% size:65% HEY, LET'S HAVE SEX IN THE MEN'S ROOM! 00:05:02.001 --> 00:05:03.870 line:79% position:23% size:23% [ WHIR! ] DANGER! 00:05:03.936 --> 00:05:05.505 line:85% position:38% size:55% DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! 00:05:05.571 --> 00:05:07.740 line:79% position:43% size:63% [ Slurred ] MY NAME ISN'T WILL ROBINSON. 00:05:07.807 --> 00:05:08.875 line:85% position:35% size:45% IT DOESN'T MATTER. 00:05:08.941 --> 00:05:11.344 line:85% position:28% size:35% SHE HAS CRABS! 00:05:11.411 --> 00:05:14.347 line:79% position:38% size:53% [ UTENSILS CLINKING ] WINE? 00:05:14.414 --> 00:05:15.882 line:85% position:33% size:40% I DON'T DRINK... 00:05:15.948 --> 00:05:17.583 line:85% position:18% size:13% WINE. 00:05:17.650 --> 00:05:18.251 line:85% position:18% size:8% OH. 00:05:18.317 --> 00:05:20.019 line:85% position:43% size:63% UH, PERHAPS A BEER, THEN? 00:05:20.086 --> 00:05:21.487 line:85% position:33% size:40% I DON'T DRINK... 00:05:21.554 --> 00:05:22.088 line:85% position:18% size:13% BEER. 00:05:22.155 --> 00:05:23.122 line:85% position:43% size:60% [ Chuckling ] ALL RIGHT. 00:05:23.189 --> 00:05:24.390 line:85% position:45% size:70% WELL, HOW ABOUT A STIFF ONE? 00:05:24.457 --> 00:05:25.825 line:85% position:50% size:80% I MAKE A MEAN HARVEY WALLBANGER. 00:05:25.892 --> 00:05:27.827 line:85% position:33% size:40% I DON'T DRINK... 00:05:27.894 --> 00:05:29.062 line:85% position:43% size:63% W-WHATEVER YOU JUST SAID. 00:05:29.128 --> 00:05:29.996 line:85% position:30% size:35% OH, ALL RIGHT. 00:05:30.063 --> 00:05:31.431 line:85% position:48% size:75% I'LL GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER. 00:05:31.497 --> 00:05:33.232 line:85% position:33% size:40% I DON'T DRINK... 00:05:33.299 --> 00:05:34.767 line:85% position:18% size:15% WATER. 00:05:34.834 --> 00:05:37.203 line:79% position:43% size:65% BOY, YOU'RE RACKIN' UP THE WEIRDO POINTS. 00:05:37.270 --> 00:05:38.404 line:85% position:38% size:53% YOU KNOW THAT, BUDDY? 00:05:38.471 --> 00:05:39.906 line:85% position:33% size:38% I DON'T LIKE... 00:05:39.972 --> 00:05:40.506 line:85% position:15% size:10% YOU. 00:05:40.573 --> 00:05:42.308 line:85% position:43% size:58% WELL, I DON'T LIKE YOU! 00:05:42.375 --> 00:05:44.310 line:85% position:50% size:68% ARIEL, LISTEN TO YOUR PAPA! 00:05:44.377 --> 00:05:47.480 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO STRAY SO FAR FROM HOME! 00:05:47.547 --> 00:05:51.184 line:79% position:50% size:78% BUT, SEBASTIAN, THIS IS NEW YORK CITY, AND WE'RE IN THE 00:05:51.250 --> 00:05:53.186 line:85% position:40% size:60% WORLD-FAMOUS EAST RIVER! 00:05:53.252 --> 00:05:55.822 line:79% position:48% size:73% THOSE ARE JUST HUMAN NONSENSE WORDS! 00:05:55.888 --> 00:05:57.490 line:85% position:43% size:63% THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING! 00:05:57.557 --> 00:05:59.325 line:85% position:45% size:70% BUT LOOK AT THEIR TREASURES! 00:05:59.392 --> 00:06:03.663 line:79% position:10% size:60% align:start ♪ CHECK OUT THESE THINGS ♪ AREN'T THEY COOL? 00:06:03.730 --> 00:06:07.867 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start ♪ HOW WOULD YOU SIT UPON THIS TYPE OF STOOL? ♪ 00:06:07.934 --> 00:06:11.571 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ WHAT IF THE WONDERS ABOVE ARE CLOSER THAN THEY... 00:06:11.637 --> 00:06:17.110 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start APPEAR TO BE? ♪ ♪ I WANNA BE A NEW YORKER 00:06:17.176 --> 00:06:20.513 line:79% position:15% size:70% align:start ♪ I WANNA SEE, WANNA SEE 'EM DANCIN' ♪ 00:06:20.580 --> 00:06:24.217 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start ♪ GOING TO CLUBS UNTIL DAWN, AND THEN THROWING UP INTERESTING 00:06:24.283 --> 00:06:27.920 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start THINGS LIKE THIS ♪ I THINK IT'S CALLED "ADDERALL." 00:06:27.987 --> 00:06:31.257 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start ♪ RIDIN' THE SUBWAY, IT TAKES YOU FAR ♪ 00:06:31.324 --> 00:06:35.061 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ CENTRAL PARK, BLOOMINGDALE'S, STATEN ISLAND ♪ 00:06:35.128 --> 00:06:37.964 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start OR THE PLACE WHERE THIS SHIRT CAME FROM THAT SAYS... 00:06:38.030 --> 00:06:42.602 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start ♪ "SLUTVILLE" ♪ UP WHERE THEY WALK, UP WHERE 00:06:42.668 --> 00:06:45.471 line:79% position:10% size:75% align:start IT SHINES ♪ ♪ UP WHERE I'M SURE THEIR TEAM 00:06:45.538 --> 00:06:49.375 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start WINS ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ UP THERE IT'S STABLE, EATING A 00:06:49.442 --> 00:06:51.544 line:79% position:10% size:68% align:start BAGEL ♪ ♪ UP IN NEW YOOOOOOOOOOOO-- 00:06:51.611 --> 00:06:54.380 line:79% position:10% size:40% align:start [ SEAGULLS CRY ] UGH! UGH! 00:06:54.447 --> 00:06:57.383 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start ONE OF THOSE FLYING RATS JUST SHIT IN MY MOUTH! 00:06:57.450 --> 00:06:59.085 line:85% position:33% size:40% I AM ROBIN HOOD. 00:06:59.152 --> 00:07:02.955 line:79% position:10% size:70% align:start I STEAL FROM THE RICH, AND I GIVE TO THE POOR! 00:07:03.022 --> 00:07:06.259 line:79% position:45% size:68% THIS NECKLACE IS COVERED IN JEWELS! 00:07:06.325 --> 00:07:07.226 line:85% position:23% size:23% I'M RICH! 00:07:07.293 --> 00:07:08.427 line:85% position:25% size:23% OH, GEEZ. 00:07:08.494 --> 00:07:09.796 line:85% position:25% size:30% THAT'S TRUE. 00:07:09.862 --> 00:07:10.429 line:85% position:18% size:10% AAH! 00:07:10.496 --> 00:07:11.964 line:85% position:45% size:68% [ Crying ] ME BEGGIN' HAND! 00:07:12.031 --> 00:07:12.665 line:85% position:20% size:15% HA HA! 00:07:12.732 --> 00:07:13.866 line:85% position:23% size:23% NO, WAIT. 00:07:13.933 --> 00:07:16.736 line:79% position:48% size:75% IF I STEAL FROM THE RICH, THEY BECOME POOR, AND IF I GIVE TO 00:07:16.803 --> 00:07:18.805 line:85% position:43% size:65% THE POOR THEY BECOME RICH! 00:07:18.871 --> 00:07:22.375 line:85% position:45% size:65% PARADOX! PARADOX! PARADOX! 00:07:22.441 --> 00:07:24.777 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start [ VIDEO-GAME MUSIC PLAYS ] [ BEEP ] 00:07:32.485 --> 00:07:36.088 line:79% position:10% size:53% align:start [ BURP ] [ WARBLE, BEEP-BEEP ] 00:07:36.155 --> 00:07:39.025 line:85% position:43% size:58% TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! 00:07:51.437 --> 00:07:55.074 line:15% position:48% size:73% IN A TOWN CALLED LOS ANGELES, PEOPLE FELT GROOVY, FOR THE 00:07:55.141 --> 00:07:57.977 line:15% position:10% size:75% align:start LORAX HAD OPENED ONE HELL OF A MOVIE. 00:07:58.044 --> 00:08:01.347 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start THE STUDIO'S HAPPY, THE PARTIES WERE TASTEFUL, BUT POOR 00:08:01.414 --> 00:08:03.216 line:15% position:50% size:80% MR. LORAX FOUND IT ALL WASTEFUL. 00:08:03.282 --> 00:08:04.183 line:15% position:28% size:28% THIS SUCKS. 00:08:04.250 --> 00:08:06.752 line:15% position:38% size:55% HE COMPLAINED, AS THEY TOASTED CRISTAL. 00:08:06.819 --> 00:08:09.255 line:15% position:45% size:68% THEY HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING TO ME AT ALL. 00:08:09.322 --> 00:08:13.059 line:15% position:50% size:78% THEN OUT POPPED THE MOOLAH, A MARVELOUS CHAP, WHILE THE LORAX 00:08:13.125 --> 00:08:14.894 line:15% position:48% size:75% DRONED ON WITH HIS USUAL CRAP. 00:08:14.961 --> 00:08:16.395 line:15% position:40% size:53% MY NAME IS THE LORAX. 00:08:16.462 --> 00:08:17.797 line:15% position:38% size:55% I SPEAK FOR THE TREES. 00:08:17.864 --> 00:08:20.867 line:15% position:48% size:73% BUT THE MUBBULOUS MOOLAH JUST DID ONE OF THESE. 00:08:20.933 --> 00:08:23.102 line:15% position:10% size:55% align:start AND, ROLLING HIS EYES, INTERRUPTED... 00:08:23.169 --> 00:08:24.270 line:15% position:28% size:28% OH, PLEASE. 00:08:24.337 --> 00:08:27.073 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start OUR PLANET IS FUCKED AND YOU'RE EARNEST AS HELL, BUT THAT 00:08:27.139 --> 00:08:29.075 line:15% position:15% size:70% align:start HIPPITY-DIPPITY CRAP DOESN'T SELL. 00:08:29.141 --> 00:08:31.911 line:15% position:48% size:73% WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, NO MATTER HOW TINY! 00:08:31.978 --> 00:08:34.146 line:15% position:45% size:70% HE SAID, AND THE MOOLAH SHOT BACK... 00:08:34.213 --> 00:08:35.348 line:15% position:35% size:45% GOD, YOU'RE WHINY. 00:08:35.414 --> 00:08:37.516 line:15% position:10% size:73% align:start NOBODY LIKES A SHRILL LIBERAL SHOUTER. 00:08:37.583 --> 00:08:40.253 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start SO I FIXED UP YOUR FILM WITH MY NEW MESSAGE-OUTER. 00:08:40.319 --> 00:08:41.787 line:15% position:45% size:70% IT SNIPPED OUT YOUR MESSAGE. 00:08:41.854 --> 00:08:43.022 line:15% position:38% size:55% DUDE, MORALS ARE LAME. 00:08:43.089 --> 00:08:46.125 line:15% position:10% size:70% align:start THE REAL MONEY'S MADE IN THE MERCHANDISE GAME. 00:08:46.192 --> 00:08:49.428 line:79% position:50% size:73% AND THEN, WITH A BIG, MIGHTY ROAR FROM HIS TRUNK, APPEARED 00:08:49.495 --> 00:08:51.664 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start HORTON THE ELEPHANT WASHING HIS JUNK. 00:08:51.731 --> 00:08:52.531 line:85% position:25% size:25% OH, LORAX. 00:08:52.598 --> 00:08:53.466 line:85% position:33% size:38% ...SAID HORTON. 00:08:53.532 --> 00:08:54.834 line:85% position:38% size:50% I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. 00:08:54.901 --> 00:08:57.737 line:79% position:10% size:58% align:start I ONCE HAD A WHOLE GOODY-GOODY-TYPE SPIEL. 00:08:57.803 --> 00:09:00.406 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start A PERSON'S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW SMALL! 00:09:00.473 --> 00:09:03.509 line:79% position:15% size:70% align:start LET ME TELL YOU -- THAT SHIT DIDN'T CATCH ON AT 00:09:03.576 --> 00:09:04.543 line:85% position:15% size:10% ALL. 00:09:04.610 --> 00:09:07.280 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start SO I GOT A NEW LOOK, A NEW NAME, SOMETHING BLUNTER. 00:09:07.346 --> 00:09:11.951 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start I'VE RE-BRANDED MYSELF NOW AS HORTON: WHO HUNTER. 00:09:12.018 --> 00:09:14.520 line:15% position:45% size:70% FROM THE SHADOWS, THE CAT IN THE HAT OVERHEARD AND 00:09:14.587 --> 00:09:15.955 line:15% position:48% size:73% APPROACHING THE LORAX SAID... 00:09:16.022 --> 00:09:16.923 line:15% position:33% size:38% WHAT UP, NERD?! 00:09:16.989 --> 00:09:19.091 line:15% position:38% size:55% YOU TAUGHT THE KIDS TO RESPONSIBLY PLAY. 00:09:19.158 --> 00:09:20.826 line:15% position:38% size:55% BUT THE CAT IN THE HAT SAID... 00:09:20.893 --> 00:09:22.361 line:15% position:40% size:53% THAT CRAP DIDN'T PAY! 00:09:22.428 --> 00:09:23.796 line:21% position:38% size:55% FORGET CLEANING HOUSE. 00:09:23.863 --> 00:09:25.665 line:21% position:48% size:75% I'M STRAIGHT CLEANING UP, GUY! 00:09:25.731 --> 00:09:28.901 line:21% position:15% size:68% align:start NOW I'M OFF TO GO HANG WITH JAMIROQUAI. 00:09:28.968 --> 00:09:32.438 line:79% position:10% size:80% align:start I'M LIVING THE DREAM, AND IF PARENTS ARE PISSED, THEY CAN PUT 00:09:32.505 --> 00:09:35.441 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start IN A CALL TO MY NEW PUBLICISTS -- THING 1 AND THING 00:09:35.508 --> 00:09:37.209 line:85% position:48% size:75% 2, THEY'RE BOTH ON MY PAYROLL. 00:09:37.276 --> 00:09:38.544 line:85% position:40% size:55% THE LORAX WAS STUNNED. 00:09:38.611 --> 00:09:39.345 line:85% position:25% size:25% HOLY CRAP! 00:09:39.412 --> 00:09:40.246 line:85% position:30% size:38% WHAT AN A-HOLE! 00:09:40.313 --> 00:09:40.813 line:85% position:20% size:20% NO MORE! 00:09:40.880 --> 00:09:41.814 line:85% position:35% size:45% ...SAID THE LORAX. 00:09:41.881 --> 00:09:43.349 line:85% position:45% size:65% NO MORE OF THESE SPEECHES! 00:09:43.416 --> 00:09:44.750 line:85% position:43% size:60% HOW 'BOUT JUST ONE MORE? 00:09:44.817 --> 00:09:46.185 line:85% position:45% size:68% YOU REMEMBER THE SNEETCHES? 00:09:46.252 --> 00:09:49.422 line:79% position:50% size:70% WE ONCE HAD A MESSAGE, AND A GOOD ONE, TOO, BRO. 00:09:49.488 --> 00:09:50.923 line:85% position:40% size:58% BUT DID WE GET A MOVIE? 00:09:50.990 --> 00:09:51.891 line:85% position:28% size:33% WELL, DID WE? 00:09:51.958 --> 00:09:53.059 line:85% position:30% size:35% All: HELL, NO! 00:09:53.125 --> 00:09:56.662 line:79% position:45% size:70% WE TRIED TO TEACH TOLERANCE, AND WHERE DID THAT GET US? 00:09:56.729 --> 00:09:57.663 line:85% position:25% size:28% SO FUCK IT! 00:09:57.730 --> 00:10:00.199 line:79% position:10% size:73% align:start WE'D RATHER MAKE MOUNTAINS OF LETTUCE! 00:10:00.266 --> 00:10:01.701 line:85% position:35% size:43% THERE'S MY HOUSE. 00:10:01.767 --> 00:10:05.404 line:79% position:13% size:73% align:start IT'S 12 STORIES WITH 40 JACUZZIS, 6 CARS, 19 BUTLERS, 00:10:05.471 --> 00:10:06.839 line:85% position:35% size:48% UNLIMITED FLOOZIES. 00:10:06.906 --> 00:10:08.507 line:85% position:45% size:65% IT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT, MAN. 00:10:08.574 --> 00:10:09.542 line:85% position:30% size:40% IT'S CAPITALISM. 00:10:09.608 --> 00:10:12.778 line:79% position:45% size:70% AND THE LORAX RESPONDED WITH GEYSERS OF JISM. 00:10:12.845 --> 00:10:15.848 line:79% position:50% size:65% THANKS TO THE MOOLAH, THAT MARKETING WHORE, HE COULD 00:10:15.915 --> 00:10:18.017 line:79% position:10% size:65% align:start FINALLY SEE WHAT HE HADN'T BEFORE. 00:10:18.084 --> 00:10:21.520 line:79% position:50% size:80% I'LL GET ME AN AGENT, AN ACCOUNTANT NAMED HERSCHEL, A TOY 00:10:21.587 --> 00:10:23.823 line:79% position:10% size:63% align:start LINE, A LUNCHBOX, AN IHOP COMMERCIAL. 00:10:23.889 --> 00:10:27.426 line:79% position:50% size:75% THEN THE LORAX GOT RICH AND WAS TOTALLY STOKED -- TILL THE 00:10:27.493 --> 00:10:29.996 line:79% position:10% size:78% align:start DAY HE CONTRACTED AIDS AND THEN CROAKED. 00:10:30.062 --> 00:10:30.930 line:85% position:20% size:15% WHAT?! 00:10:31.964 --> 00:10:33.299 line:15% position:35% size:48% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK 00:10:33.366 --> 00:10:35.434 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:10:35.501 --> 00:10:37.570 line:15% position:35% size:48% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK 00:10:37.636 --> 00:10:39.739 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:10:39.805 --> 00:10:41.874 line:15% position:35% size:48% ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK 00:10:41.941 --> 00:10:44.076 line:15% position:10% size:78% align:start ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ 00:10:44.143 --> 00:10:46.012 line:15% position:28% size:35% BA-GAWK! BAWK. 00:11:04.830 --> 00:11:04.864 line:79% position:40% size:60% GEEZ, I SHOULDA PACKED A LUNCH!