[ MOANING ] >> SILENCE!
YOU TWO.
YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS, HAVING SEX WITH TONS OF LADIES
IN MASKS.
YET IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO BE HERE.
[ GASPING ] >> HI.
UH, I'M SETH.
>> HI, I'M MATT.
>> WHY ARE YOU HERE?
>> WE HEARD THIS WAS THE PLACE TO GET "ROBOT CHICKEN"
UN-CANCELED.
>> BUT WHEN WE GOT HERE, EVERYONE WAS FUCKING SO WE WERE
LIKE, "OH, OKAY, I GUESS WE'LL JUST START FUCKING THESE
PEOPLE."
>> WE ALMOST FELT OBLIGATED TO START FUCKING
>> QUIET!
IN ADDITION TO HOSTING ELABORATE ORGIES, WE DO UN-CANCEL
TELEVISION SHOWS.
>> AWESOME!
CAN WE GET OUR SHOW UN-CANCELED?
>> YES -- IF YOU KNOW THE PASSWORD.
>> Both: FIDELIO.
>> THAT IS CORRECT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
"ROBOT CHICKEN" IS BACK ON THE AIR.
>> Both: THANK YOU, SIR.
>> NOW, WHAT IS THE PASSWORD TO LEAVE?
>> Both: FIDELIO?
>> THE PASSWORD TO LEAVE IS DIFFERENT.
>> OH, RIGHT. FIDELIO.
>> I JUST TOLD YOU THE PASSWORD TO LEAVE --
>> FIDELIO?
>> NO!
AGAIN, I TOLD YOU -- >> FIDELIO?
>> YOU'RE MISSING WHAT I -- >> FIDELIO?
>> PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT "FIDELIO" IS NOT THE PASSWORD.
IF YOU SAY "FIDELIO," THAT WILL BE INCORRECT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS BASIC CONCEPT?
>> YEAH, OF COURSE.
>> SURE, SURE, SURE.
>> NOW, WHAT IS THE PASSWORD TO LEAVE?
>> FIDELIO?
>> FUCK IT. KILL THEM.
>> JUST LIKE SAIGON, 1983.
>> WITH A DASH OF -- WAIT, WHEN WERE YOU IN SAIGON?
>> DUCK!
>> AW, NO, HE TOUCHED MY DICK.
>> YOUR DICK TOUCHED MY HAND.
I TOTALLY TOUCHED HIS DICK.
>> [ SIGHS ] FUCK IT.
>> FUCK IT.
>> AAH, DIDN'T THINK THAT THROUGH.
[ GUNS CLICK ] [ ENERGY CHARGING ]
[ TING! ] >> PLEASE, HAVE MERCY.
>> SURE THING.
HOW ABOUT WE GIVE YOU TO THE COUNT OF...
>> Both: FIDELIO?
[ THUNDER CRASHES ] >> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SAWING ] [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
[ THUNDER CRASHES ] >> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SMOOCHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
>> THE HALF-POUND SMURF BURGER.
ONLY AT GARGL'S JR. >> All: WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
>> HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD COMMUNICATE WITH THE HUMANS.
WHAT DO WE GET OUT OF MAKING ALL OF THESE CAVITIES, ANYWAY?
>> Both: WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] >> WAIT, YOUR STINGER'S CAUGHT!
OUR ONE METHOD OF SELF DEFENSE IS ALSO FATAL TO US.
[ Sobbing ] DOES GOD HATE BEES?
[ CHORAL MUSIC ] >> THAT'S RIGHT.
FUCK YOU, BEES.
>> FUCK ME?
N-N-NO. FUCK YOU!
[ WHOOSHES ] >> [ BELCHES ]
[ Slurring ] WHAT THE FUCK!?? THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE.
>> IT'S A CENTAUR FROM NARNIA.
[ RETCHES ] >> I'M HORNY.
YOU 18?
>> NO, SIR.
>> [ GROANS ] DAMN IT!
[ CELLPHONE DIALS ] BECKY?
HEY, COME OVER.
I WANT TO SEX SOMEONE.
[ Click ] HELLO?
MERMAID HOE BAG!
DID YOU JUST CALL ME "GAY"?
>> NO, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
>> MY PARENTS' DIVORCE MESSED ME UP, MAN.
IT MESSED MY HEAD UP BAD!
[ SOBBING ] I WANT CHIPOTLE.
[ WHOOSHES ] >> LOCK THAT SHIT.
>> NO, BRO.
NO, NO, COME ON, BRO.
NO, BRO!
[ Sobbing ] NO!
>> THE DOG'S ARTHRITIS GIVES HIM CONSTANT PAIN.
WE'LL HAVE TO PUT HIM DOWN.
>> WHAT?
>> YOU DO KNOW THAT THE LIFE SPAN OF A CAT IS LONGER
THAN A DOG, RIGHT?
W-WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS
COMING.
>> [ ROARS ] ♪ DINO RIDERS, AWESOME BOSSES OF
EARLY EARTH ♪ ♪ THEY TRAINED DINOSAURS AND
MADE THEM WALKING WEAPONS ♪ ♪ WHAT'S COOLER THAT THAT?
♪ DINO RIDERS, THERE'S A BLASTER ON THAT T-REX'S HEAD ♪
♪ THAT IS SO DAMN RAD ♪ THAT BRONTOSAURUS IS A TROOP
TRANSPORTER ♪ ♪ BOW TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN'
DINO RIDERS! ♪ ♪ OH, MY GOD, THAT LOOKS LIKE A
WORK CAMP ♪ ♪ I THINK THE DINO RIDERS USE
FORCED LABOR TO MAKE THEIR STUFF ♪
♪ DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, THESE DINO RIDERS ARE REPEATEDLY
TASING A MAN ♪ ♪ THAT IS DEFINITELY A WORK
CAMP ♪ ♪ WHAT THE FUCK?! THE
DINO RIDERS JUST FED THAT T-REX A CHILD ♪
>> HEY, AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THE DINOSAURS.
>> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BRO.
>> JAFAR, WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL?
>> WELL, IAGO, SINCE EVERY OTHER DISNEY VILLAIN GOT A SONG TO
EXPLAIN THEMSELVES, I'LL TELL YOU.
♪ I...WAS...
...MOLESTED ♪ >> CUT!
>> S-SNAKE.
>> [ Chuckling ] OH, YES.
THAT'S MY PET SNAKE.
>> I HATE SNAKES.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES?
>> I HATE SSSOME DUDE'S BALLSSS.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SOME DUDE'S BALLSSS?
>> GRADUATING SENIORS OF HOGWARTS, AS THE SORTING HAT
PLACED YOU INTO YOUR HOUSES, NOW THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR HAT WILL
SEND YOU OFF INTO THE WORLD.
>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THIS FAST.
I'M PARKED IN A LOADING ZONE.
[ SCOFFS ] WHO GETS A C-MINUS IN QUIDDITCH?
HERE'S WHAT I SEE FOR YOU, KID.
TWO YEARS OF ONLINE COLLEGE, AND THEN [Echoing] LIVING AT HOME
WELL INTO YOUR 30s.
DAMN, YOU GREW UP HOT.
WHOA!
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY -- FUCK A HUFFLEPUFF, MARRY A
GRYFFINDOR.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEAL, HON.
[ Echoing ] CPK HOSTESS/ESCORT ON WEEKENDS.
HARRY POTTER?
DUDE, HONESTLY, YOU NAILED IT.
GET OUT OF HERE AND WIN AT LIFE WHILE YOU [Echoing] DROWN IN
POONTANG! >> IF HE'S DROWNING IN POONTANG,
SIGN ME UP FOR LIFEGUARD DUTY.
>> IF I'M GOING DOWN WITH THE TITANIC, I'M GOING TO DIE IN MY
MOTORCAR, LIKE A GENTLEMAN OF WEALTH AND DIST-- I JUST SAT
IN JIZZ! >> CHOW TIME, BOYS.
COME AND GET IT.
>> HEY, COOKY, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS PICANTE SAUCE?
>> NEW YORK CITY.
>> Together: NEW YORK CITY?!
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> [ SCREAMS ]
[ HISSES ] >> I DON'T KNOW WHY A 7-YEAR-OLD
WOULD NEED TO DEEP FRY A TURKEY, BUT KNOW YOU KNOW HOW.
>> Both: AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE.
♪ G.I. JOE >> AND THE EMMY FOR BEST PSA BY
A PARAMILITARY ORGANIZATION GOES TO...G.I. JOE, FOR "DON'T BE A
TURKEY ON THANKSGIVING."
>> LOOK AT THEM, DESTRO.
THE JOES CHURN OUT PEDESTRIAN ADVICE TO DEAD-EYED CHILDREN,
AND THE PUBLIC EATS IT UP!
"HEY, KIDS, DON'T PLAY WITH FALLEN ELECTRICAL LINES."
READS LIKE A DISPATCH FROM THE NO-SHIT CLINIC.
>> I'LL GET THE NERVE GAS.
>> NO, YOU FOOL.
WE'LL BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME.
WE'LL CREATE OUR OWN PSAs!
OKAY, OKAY, LET'S JUST THROW SOME IDEAS OUT THERE.
THIS IS A SAFE, CREATIVE PLACE.
DR. MINDBENDER, GO.
>> WELL, I THOUGHT OUR PSA COULD COMMUNICATE AN IDEA
NON-VERBALLY.
I'VE DISCOVERED THAT PAINTING DIRECTLY ON CELLULOID CREATES A
SORT OF "TONE POEM."
>> HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SOUNDS TERRIBLE.
I'M SORRY -- SAFE PLACE -- BUT HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS FUCKING
DUMB.
NEXT!
>> OH, I FORGOT YOU GUYS WERE IN HERE WRITING.
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A HAMMER TO HANG MY DEGREE IN SCREEN
WRITING FROM ABERDEEN.
ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU WHILE I'M IN HERE?
DESTRO?
>> SHE'S ACTUALLY REALLY FUNNY, YOU GUYS.
>> HEY, YOU LOST ME AT "SHE'S."
FUCK IT!
WE'RE DOING IT WITHOUT A SCRIPT.
>> DR. MINDBENDER, YOU FOUND FOUR YOUNG CHILDREN FOR OUR
PSAs.
>> UH...YES.
THAT IS WHAT THESE KIDNAPPED CHILDREN ARE FOR.
>> OKAY, STORM SHADOW, THESE TWO CHILDREN WILL BE RUNNING WITH
SCISSORS.
NOW, THIS UPSETS YOU, AND YOU -- >> WHY?
>> IT'S DANGEROUS TO RUN WITH SCISSORS.
>> I RUN WITH KATANA.
IS THAT NOT DANGEROUS?
>> WOW, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
EXCELLENT POINT, STORM SHADOW.
GET THIS PIECE OF SHIT OFF MY SET.
>> [ GIGGLES ] [ THUDS ] [ GRUNTS ]
>> WELL, COBRA COMMANDER, LOOKS LIKE I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
>> SO, REMEMBER, ONLY TAKE SUPPLIES IF YOU'LL USE THEM FOR
POST-OFFICE BUSINESS.
ANY OTHER USE IS A FELONY.
>> NOW I'M AWARE.
>> AND AWARENESS IS THE SECOND 50% OF THE CONFLICT IN QUESTION.
SOMEBODY SAY FUCKING "CUT."
>> AND I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S NOT HARD TO READ WHEN YOU TAKE
THE TIME TO SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOUND IT OUT.
[ BOTH GIGGLE ] OH, YESSS, I'VE GOT A SSSMALL
SSSPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
[ BOTH LAUGH ] >> IT'SSS NOT FUNNY!
[ BOTH SCREAM ] [ BOTH GRUNT ]
>> SHUT...IT...DOWN.
>> AND THE EMMY FOR BEST PSA BY A PARAMILITARY ORGANIZATION GOES
TO...G.I. JOE, FOR "DON'T STAR IN A COBRA PSA."
>> WHAT?
>> POP THE NERVE GAS!
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.