[ Whirring ]
[ Theme music plays ]
[ Whirring ]
MAN: It's alive!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
[ Gun cocks ]
You know me.
I'm Walter White.
I'm not in the meth business. I'm in the empire business.
You want to know what it's like to break bad?
Well, I'm gonna break it down for you.
[ Hip-hop music playing ]
Because I am the one who knocks.
♪ And I'm the one who likes breakfast! ♪
♪ It's Walt Junior, but you can call me MC Flynn ♪
♪ My favorite meal is when the day begins ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm all about that breakfast ♪
♪ It's my jam
♪ I'm talking turkey sausage, eggs, bacon, and ham ♪
♪ In the mood for pancakes
♪ Uh, I am
♪ I go mental for continental
♪ Throw back a Grand Slam
♪ Customize an omelette with all the right spices ♪
♪ Lean back like a mack with my cantaloupe slices ♪
♪ Never had a girlfriend, yo, but don't hate ♪
♪ Got no time for vagine, man
♪ Look at this plate
♪ I like my Cap'n Crunchy
♪ My home fries fried
How do you want your eggs, Walt Junior?
♪ Let me see that sunny side! ♪
Hey, Mr. White, sorry I'm late.
J. Pink, why don't you break me off a piece.
Yeah, bitch!
♪ Last name Pinkman, first name Jesse ♪
♪ Met Mr. White then things got messy ♪
♪ We murdered Gus Fring
♪ And I was eating your breakfast ♪
♪ Hey, let's get back to breakfast ♪
♪ I'll go nuts on a doughnut
♪ I don't mean to boast
♪ Do something awful to a waffle ♪
♪ Fuck up some French toast
Orange juice, Flynn?
♪ Um, let me think, yes, please ♪ Concentrate?
♪ Bitch, just fella only drinks fresh-squeezed ♪ [ Music stops ]
Oh, I will take that from everyone else,
but if you call your mother a bitch again,
you will end up on the roof like that pizza!
You never let me do anything fun!
All right, sweet landing Exosquad.
Almost as sweet as our haircuts!
Hey, Takagi, that E-frame looks good on you, rookie.
Thanks! Hey, quick hypothetical.
If someone, let's say, oh, I don't know,
sharted big-time in his or her exosuit,
is there some sort of cleaning system
that wipes this thing down and neutralizes really strong odors?
Cut the chatter, Takagi.
Neosapiens closing in.
Lock and load.
Come on, you bastards!
Hey, when they tested this suit,
did they ever fill it knee-deep with Dinty Moore beef stew
and figure out how to drain it ASAP?
There's an evac switch under the console
in case of a coolant leak.
We got company!
Nice shooting, team.
[ Grunts ]
Oh, hey, guys!
Is coolant brown?
Guess it is.
Better let it all drain out.
And donesy.
Mother ship, we're coming home. Hazmat protocol.
Takagi shit his suit.
What?!
Swiper, please, no swiping!
I have to. Don't you understand?!
The work's not done over there!
Announcer: The future -- mutant carnivores called Carnivars
terrorize the people of Peopleopolis.
Their only hope is Max Action,
a super soldier leading the fight for freedom.
Lead us into battle, Max!
I will!
But first, I've heard rumors I was on cocaine
when I designed my uniform
and half-lion, half-car Lion Car.
Well, I was stone-cold sober, okay?!
Okay.
But how will we retake control of the capital?
I overheard people saying that my Lion Car is "a mess,"
and "what cocaine would look like if cocaine was a car."
Well, you're wrong!
So you gossip hounds can talk smack
while I take on the Carnivars by myself --
completely sober.
Ooh, what's this white stuff down here?
Gosh, I don't have a push broom or a DustBuster.
Hmm, better use my nose.
[ Snorting ]
Oh, there we go!
Whoo!
To victory!
[ Screaming ]
Come on, Angels.
Our Victoria's Secret show starts in two minutes.
Oh! Oh, somebody call 911!
This rattlesnake just bit the tip of my dick!
Oh! We need to suck out the poison!
[ Unzips ]
That'sss right, I'm the ultimate wingman.
I'll be on that dude'sss Chrissstmasss lissst forever!
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God -- he's dead.
[ Groans ]
[ Alarm blaring ]
The ferry, drive! Go, go, go!
Bailey: It's your lucky day!
You guys are in the Cash Cab,
a TV game show that takes place right here in my taxi.
[ Gunshots, tires squeal ]
The fuck did you just say?
I'll ask you general-knowledge questions
on your way to your destination.
"Cash Cab" -- right!
Oh, my sister watches this show all the time!
Yeah, what up, Denise! I'm on "Cash Cab"!
This first question is for $25.
Here they come!
Ben Franklin wanted which feathered fowl
to be our national bird?
The -- the -- [ Grunts ]
Steven?! They killed Steven!
The turkey!
That's right!
You have $25!
Police Officer: Pull over!
Fuck you, pigs!
Second question, what kind of banana --
[ Grunts ]
[ Sirens wail ]
Announcer: Coming up...
Oh, Denise, I never made a will!
So my baseball cards and all this money we just stole,
this is definitely -- [ Glub, glub ]
To find out who got the baseball cards,
go to discovery.com for web exclusives.
Here's your martini, Miss Delacroix.
I presume it's dirty.
Oh, very dirty, Mr. Bond.
And for you, sir?
Full order of nachos.
Maybe some of those Kobe beef sliders.
And make some room on the wall.
Tell Freddy I'll be taking his hot-wing challenge tonight.
[ Giggles ]
Oh, James!
So -- so -- so have you guys,
you guys have -- you guys have done it?
Uh, no -- obviously.
Well, I have.
-No, you haven't! -Yeah!
Yeah, I have sex with my girlfriend
up in the Niagara Falls area, like, every time I see her.
Oh, your girlfriend's missing all her teeth then?
-What does that mean? -[ Laughing ]
Fucking idiot!
Fuck you, guys!
Who killed the hooker at the dockside bar?!
-Was it you?! -Who, me?
-Yes, you. -Couldn't be.
Then who?
Sanchez killed the hooker at the dockside bar.
She wasn't dead when I left. [ Growls ]
Now get the butter.
Mmm!
Now get the marzipan.
Pablo, looks like someone sucked the blood out of our goats!
Who the hell would do that?
[ Hip-hop music playing ]
♪ You wanna know who be sucking all these goats? ♪
♪ Ha ha
♪ I'm a chupacabra, legendary creature ♪
♪ Tiny-ass goat, you know I'm gonna eat ya ♪
♪ I suck goats like a bad motherfucker. ♪
♪ "Cabra" means goat
♪ "Chupa" means sucka
♪ Bloodsucking stud at a goat buffet ♪
♪ Yeah, I be sucking on goats, like, every day ♪
♪ My thick-ass skin is like ancient armor ♪
♪ I suck more goats than an Appalachian farmer ♪
♪ Wanna roll with me
♪ Then you're out of luck
♪ Unless you be bringing some goats to suck ♪
♪ You think I'm lying, man, I'll slit your throat ♪
♪ You best believe me when I say ♪
♪ I suck so much goat
♪ He's a chupacabra
♪ That's why he can gloat
♪ Sharp-ass fangs, big old wings ♪
♪ We forgetting anything?
♪ Oh, yeah, he sucks goat
♪ I came to chew bubble gum and suck on goats ♪
♪ And I'm all out of gum -- that's my favorite quote ♪
♪ I suck on goats every week and weekend ♪
♪ If I ain't sucking goats, then I'm probably sleepin' ♪
♪ Got a goat-sucking process
♪ You know you want it
♪ Number one, find a goat
♪ Number two, suck on it
♪ I've sucked on goats from here to New Orleans ♪
♪ I sucked more goats than a milking machine ♪
♪ I'm the greatest of all time
♪ Can't you see
♪ "G" to the "O" to "A" to the "T" ♪
♪ Chupacabra, son
♪ I hope you take note
♪ I'm a bloodthirsty gangsta
♪ I'm-a suck your goat
♪ He's a chupacabra
So, uh, you want my mix tape?
Does this answer your question?
Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute, man,
how many times could you possibly use that?
Eh, more than you might think.
Oh! Remy, I have a date tonight,
and I'm a little nervous because I've never done it before.
Say no more. Leave it to me.
Oh! Ooh! [ Grunting ]
Colette: Oh, yeah.
Yes, Linguini, you're amazing!
[ Chuckles ] You ready for a second helping?
Mais oui!
But why are you wearing a chef's hat on your balls?
Anybody got any hand sanitizer?
Hey, what the fuck? What the fuck?!
Yo, I didn't do shit, man! I did not do shit!
What the fuck! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
You get the fuck off me. Man, get the fuck off!
Get the fuck off me, man.
Get your hand out my pouch!
I got a receipt for that! Hey, fuck you, man.
They didn't give me a receipt, that's on them.
That's not me, that's on them.
I'll kick you ass, motherfucker.
[ Hitting high note ]
Announcer: In 1985, the U.S. government captured Bigfoot.
With his unparalleled strength, there was only one option --
train Bigfoot to become an officer
with the San Francisco Police Department.
But what does a powerful monster named Bigfoot drive?
A powerful monster truck named Bigfoot.
Outfitted with artificial intelligence,
the monster truck named Bigfoot and the other Bigfoot
became the unstoppable team of Bigfoot and Bigfoot!
Starring Hulk Hogan as the voice of Bigfoot -- the truck one.
All right, Bigfeet, I'm sending you guys undercover.
Sounds cool!
Wheelie cool, brother!
Y'all gonna bring down a drug cartel called El Diablo's Taint.
Now get out of my office!
[ Growling ]
How the hell did you get in here?
A little birdie told me that one of you is a cop.
Señor Sanchez, I don't know if this new guy's a cop,
but I'm pretty sure he's Bigfoot.
Madre de caca!
He's Bigfoot and a cop!
[ Growling ]
Huh?
Sorry I'm late, brother!
[ Grunting ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Growling ]
A "please" would be nice, brother.
[ Horn honks ]
[ Panting ]
Oh, sorry! Brother, sorry!
The hills are alive with the sound of justice, brother!
Now that's a dirty Sanchez, brother.
[ Roaring ]
[ Burps ]
Well, I was gonna suggest lunch,
but it looks like you just ate, brother.
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.