[ Whirring ]
[ Theme music plays ]
[ Whirring ]
♪♪
Man: It's alive!
♪♪
[ Thunder rumbles ]
♪♪
Narrator: Now back to Davenport, the Drama Llama.
The tempter or the tempted, who sins most?
Tis not she -- nor doth she tempt --
but it is I that...
lying by the virtue of the...
sun does as the carrion and...
not as the flower, corrupt with virtuous...
...beauty.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thanks for inviting me, Penelope.
Oh, I'm sorry -- Peppa-Mint.
So what's Chef Club about?
-Chef Club is about friendship! -Cool!
All: And owning stuff!
Like my new Sparkle Clean dishwasher.
[ Laughing heartily ] Hey, gals!
Why don't you slide those dirty plates in me,
like you're supposed to?
I always let my husband do the dishes.
[ All gasp ]
She didn't mean it, Baby!
Hey, do you guys want to take a walk
or something, like, outside?
You haven't even tried out
my super rare Moonlight Dazzle Mop.
[ Laughing heartily ] Drag my face on the floor!
Holy shit! Okay, does he feel pain?
-Who cares? -Yea--
[ Gargling ]
Yeah, I think I might take off.
Aw, come on, Sara. Sit on my face some more.
Oh, my God! The chair talks, too?
Mm-hmm. Just like the locks on the doors,
and the bars in the windows, so we never,
ever, ever have to leave our stuff again!
[ All chanting "Stuff!" ]
Hello? Jeff?
I need you to come pick me up, right now.
I'm your husband now, Sara.
Euuaaaggghhh! -Aah! Aah!
[ All chanting "Stuff!" ]
Aaaahh!
Ready for our first patient, Doc?
Achoo!
I'd say he has a cold, Mom.
You're right, Doc. What do you recommend?
Plenty of rest and some chicken soup.
And he'll be good as --
My baby! She got hit by a car!
Pupils fixed and dilated. Possible subdural hematoma.
We need to intubate. Wind pipe is crushed.
Trach her! -[ Gasps ]
Her heart stopped! I'm going in!
Maybe she just needs a pick-me-up song!
Rib spreader!
♪ A doctor's office is a real nice place! ♪
[ Grunting ]
♪ A lollipop puts a smile on your face ♪
[ Exhales sharply ]
Come on, breathe, damn it, breathe!
[ Retches ]
[ Coughing ]
Phew!
All in a day's work, right, kiddo?
I want to be an accountant.
I can be anything I want!
After all, we animals overcame our baser instincts
and now we're thinking, caring, talking creatures.
Wahhhhhh! My insides are outside!
[ Whimpers ] What kind of world is this?!
Eughh, bugs! Gross!
[ Chuckling ] Whoops!
Almost forgot my life preserver.
Oh, Jesus, I just need to see this.
Oswald, you know you're an octopus, right?
You literally cannot drown.
Safety first!
Oh fuck me.
[ Grunts ] -Oohh!
Huh.
Um...Huh.
[ Heavy metal music playing ]
♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs
♪ What, what
♪ Mutant teen pig-people hogs are ♪
♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs
♪ Road Haaaaaawgs!
♪ Manpig, Pigman, Flank, and Steve ♪
♪ They're pigs on wheels that honk and squeal ♪
♪ Road Hawgs
♪ Used to be human, no one fightin' ♪
♪ But their dad accidentally turned them into swines ♪
♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs
♪ Swallow porcine DNA
♪ Road Hawgs, Road Hawgs
♪ Now they're mutated in a terrible way ♪
♪ Road Hawgs
If we're ever gonna find an antidote,
we'll need to stop Dr. Bovine from...
Hey, where's Flank?
Saw him out back earlier.
Steve, have you seen Flank?
Uhh...
[ Dramatic music plays ]
No.
Steve?!
Guys, uh, look...
[ Laughing ] I just -- I love bacon soooo much!
It's so good!
Us too, buddy. Us too.
Then I guess...
Let's eat, man! -Trickin' awesome!
♪ Road Hawgs!
Brought to you by the makers of "Cheese League."
Narrator: And now, Taking A Guess At Shows We Don't Watch.
Nacho cheese! Nacho cheese!
In...Seattle?
♪♪
Cheese...
Seattle...
in...?
Oh, my God. The time!
[ Gulping ]
Ahh! Shake it off!
Fucking keys! Ruhh!
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Tires screech ]
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
Smells like beer.
Buddy, I just forgot.
[ Sighs ] You always forget.
Son...
Daddy's going through a tough time, but...
I love you more than life --
Look out!
[ Screams, tires screeching ]
Please, God! Someone help me!
My son needs a doctor! Please!
I can help!
You can? Are you a doctor?!
Yes, my friend.
My name is Dr. Sunjayvandanacandanapecarpecar.
Huh?!
Welcome to Westworld,
where you can you live out your every fantasy.
This better be good, Ford.
I present to you our very first host,
Dolores, generation one.
She's...so...lifelike!
No, no, no. Not "she." It.
We must never forget that the hosts are not real.
I mean, I'll try, but...wow.
[ Clears throa ] Dolores, take one.
[ Clears throat ] Howdy, y'all!
Can they, you know, uhhhh, have...sex?
Why don't you ask it?
Hello, Dolores? You look lovely.
May we have sexual intercourse?
[ Take recorder rewinding ]
Yes -- to the thing you said!
Whoo! Ow! All right! Don't wait up!
[ Door opens, slams shut ]
Imagine a whole world of these hosts.
-[ Grunting ] -Catering to your every --
-[ Moaning, air hissing ] -I broke it.
Also, the tape recorder gave me a gash on my forehead.
[ Tape recorder rewinding ]
[ Mumbling nonsensicall ]
[ Tape recorder rewinds ]
[ Mumbling nonsensicall ]
Huh. That's a boner killer.
Wow, I can't believe
I'm finally getting Lasik surgery!
Wow, I can't believe they sold a laser to a rabbit!
Hi, we're the American Pickers, cruising the country
and learning about history
while digging through other people's junk.
Mind if we come in and have a look around?
[ Mumbling ]
Whoa, Frankie, do you see that?
Yeah, Mike. I do.
1917 Goldstein Brothers cast-iron stove.
In the stove-picking game, this is the holy grail.
So what would you need for the stove? $500?
[ Chain saw buzzing ]
Wow!
As usual, Frankie comes out the gate with a low-ball offer
and nearly blows the whole pick.
What about these meat hooks?
Would you take...$100 apiece?
[ Mumbling agreeably ]
I'm a meat-hook guy.
Meat hooks are big sellers in our Nashville store.
I got Leatherface to come down on the stove,
and even though it cost me an arm, it didn't cost me a leg.
That's what I call a good pick!
Woman: What happens when four best friends
write each other letters about how they really feel?
The letters have been delivered.
"We're best friends, and I love you."
Aw!
"But I have to tell you that you're weak.
I mean, I've heard of damsels in distress,
but you make Princess Peach look like Ronda Rousey"?
What? Okay, who wrote this?
Can't wait for that letter.
[ Chuckles heartily ]
"For the love of God, get some fucking contacts."
That's all they wrote?
"I think you two have a serious addiction problem."
Like, oh, boy, Scoob.
They're sayin' we gotta stop eatin' Scooby Snacks!
They rrha'?!
[ Chuckles ]
What do you mean I don't have a letter?
Man: Um, the show is only about four best friends.
[ Chuckles nervously ] You're kidding, right?
I didn't make the cut? Did the dog make the cut?
Woman: Each friend has one week to improve themselves.
I can't believe they called me a damsel in distress.
[ Train whistle approaching ]
Wait a minute...
[ Chuckling ] This is not my yoga class.
-Give us the mic! -Give me my letter!
Like, dude, we can do it, old pal.
Just one week. With nuh-- with no --
With no fucking Scooby Snacks, man!
Like, I'm freakin' out!
Fuck! No!
Woman: It's been a week since the gang received their letters.
Let's see if they fixed their flaws.
Like, man, I will sell you a body part
for one Scooby Snack!
I'd rrhuck your rrhick! [ Sobs ]
Guys... I got Lasik!
-Rra'?! -They're still healing.
[ Door bursts open ]
[ Grunts ]
Enough sittin' around, shit for brains!
Let's do this!! [ Grunts ]
Ow!
Hmm...
If the owner died a decade ago, why start haunting now?
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?
The fifth wheel? Because --
Let's get this son of a bitch!
-Hey! -Who's your mother?!
-Ow! -Yeah! Get over here!
-[ Glass shatters ] -[ Grunting ]
Now let's see who the "ghost" really is.
[ Grunting ]
[ All gasping ]
Butler.
Called it.
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.