1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,971 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,040 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,444 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:18,284 ♪♪ 5 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,719 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:27,761 ♪♪ 7 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,895 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:38,538 ♪♪ 9 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,874 [ Laughter ] Bring up Twitter. Here goes. 10 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:43,710 Donald Trump's hair is fake. Sent. 11 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:47,414 Donald Trump isn't that rich. Sent. 12 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,648 I don't want to do it. 13 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,817 The legend says it takes three, dumbass. 14 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,053 [ Voice breaking ] Okay. Donald Trump buys his suits off the rack. 15 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,356 Sent! 16 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:59,292 I guess his skin isn't so thin after all. 17 00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,995 [ Electricity crackles ] 18 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,998 Eric has a tiny dick. Sad! 19 00:01:05,063 --> 00:01:07,267 [ All scream ] 20 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:10,937 Dave doesn't belong on the football team. Overrated! 21 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,106 [ All scream ] 22 00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:16,376 Matt's never touched a boob! Dishonest! 23 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:20,847 [ All screaming ] 24 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,450 [ Bell rings ] 25 00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:26,186 Does anyone know where Dave, Eric, and Matt are? 26 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,588 ♪♪ 27 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,258 Together: Mary pads her bra. Sad! 28 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,594 [ All scream ] 29 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,663 ♪♪ 30 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,233 Now Eric and Ariel will never kiss on their own. 31 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,168 Oh, Sebastian's trying to make humans kiss. 32 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,103 Wow. must be a day that ends in "Y." 33 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:48,140 First, we gots to create the mood with some percussion. 34 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,576 Is this a paid gig, man? 35 00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,176 You know we're all union, right? 36 00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:53,580 I have artistic integrity, bro. 37 00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,282 Didn't you write the jingle for that credit-report website? 38 00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:57,817 Hey fuck off, man. You don't know me. 39 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,553 Second, we need the strings. 40 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,288 You know, I want a much as the ducks make. 41 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,456 Favored nations, man! 42 00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,925 Anyone call for a triangle? 43 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,727 Get the fuck out of here, Greg! 44 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,430 [ Steam horn blows ] 45 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:13,199 Yabba dabba doo! 46 00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,935 I've had just about enough of these lazy fucks 47 00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,837 using us as slave labor. 48 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:18,938 Bam! 49 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,407 The uprising is upon us! 50 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,611 [ All roaring ] 51 00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:26,246 We're under attack. 52 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,847 Aah! 53 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,383 [ Steam horn blows ] 54 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,152 [ Steam horn blows ] 55 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,721 [ Roars ] 56 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,589 [ Steam horn blows ] 57 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,625 Aah! 58 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,993 [ Bones crack ] 59 00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,295 Wilma, it's the dinosaurs. 60 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:46,666 I was...just slicing some bread for dinner. 61 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,569 Oh, God! 62 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,405 What's wrong, can't look at your watch anymore? 63 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,642 It's payback o'clock, motherfucker. 64 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,745 That's enough, Sam. That's enough. 65 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,648 [ Crying ] 66 00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:03,583 Then the Scottish lobster paid us 67 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,319 three sand dollars apiece, and that was it. 68 00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,288 Wasn't he a Jamaican crab? Maybe. 69 00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,289 Got a little weird at the end 70 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,290 when y'all started chanting, 71 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,758 "Kiss the girl," in unison. 72 00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,593 Yeah, that -- that didn't feel right. 73 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:14,928 So, then they kissed? 74 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,296 No, a couple of eels swam up, 75 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,530 knocked them out of the boat. 76 00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:19,599 Oh, total cock block. Yeah. 77 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,834 I was just about to pull out my flamingo cock 78 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,336 start jerking it right there. 79 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,272 Ooh. We had very different goals. 80 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,541 ♪♪ 81 00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,577 My husband, David, is a very good doctor 82 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,845 who takes care of all the forest creatures, 83 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,481 but I wish he'd take care of something I need, 84 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,517 specifically, a breast reduction. 85 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,619 I'm not that kind of doctor, Lisa. 86 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,220 We've talked about this. 87 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,523 Motorboating is not talking. 88 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:46,125 I feel in love with your personality, dear. 89 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,027 Aw, shit! Worldstar! 90 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,697 You'd think after centuries, you would've learned something 91 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,600 other than how to remove a thorn out of a squirrel's paw! 92 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,802 You might have body dysmorphia. 93 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,670 Those things aren't even that big. 94 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,472 Excuse me. My paw is -- 95 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:00,573 Huge boobs! 96 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,874 You're not helping. 97 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,977 I suppose I'll just have to learn to live with -- 98 00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,546 Aah, my breasts! My breasts! 99 00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,047 I mean, my wife! 100 00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,482 Put me out! I'm on fire! 101 00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,417 How do you turn this damn thing on? 102 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,553 Whoa! 103 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,122 Well, I knew those were some hot tits! 104 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,559 What? I can say it. I'm a titmouse. 105 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,995 Wait. A titmouse isn't a mouse? 106 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:25,098 [ Chimes play! ] 107 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,067 Duck... duck...duck... 108 00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:30,303 goose! 109 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:33,406 [ All crying ] 110 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:36,376 ♪♪ 111 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:39,646 This painting reminds me of my childhood. 112 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:42,915 It brings solace to my troubled mind. 113 00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:44,384 I love this piece. 114 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,619 Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 115 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,091 This painting reminds me of Garfield. 116 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,526 [ Gulping ] 117 00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:54,994 Man: Jessica, are you ready? 118 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,696 Hold on. 119 00:04:56,763 --> 00:05:06,706 ♪♪ 120 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:10,510 I've tried to make her quit, but she can literally lift cars. 121 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,745 No, I've never seen Jessica drink, 122 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,247 but I can always smell it on her 123 00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:16,549 because I've got a great sense of smell. 124 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,819 Oh, here's a tip, pal -- Invest in a bidet. 125 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,921 Jessica: So, I have a drink every now and then. 126 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,724 I was enslaved by Killgrave's mind control for years. 127 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:28,027 Mind control? That'd never stand up in court. 128 00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,798 You're cute. Why don't you come here? Sit on my lap. 129 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,533 Now put on this "Sailor Moon" costume. 130 00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,468 Jessica, you've heard from your friends 131 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:37,036 and your mind-control rapist, 132 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,772 but there's one more person with a message for you. 133 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,909 [ Door shuts, all gasp ] 134 00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,444 What happened? 135 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,147 Jessica, the drinking is negatively affecting your life. 136 00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,316 You don't take care of yourself anymore. 137 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:53,786 You've grown cold and distant to your friends and family. 138 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,555 [ Voice breaking ] Please take this opportunity 139 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,725 to bring back the Jessica we all love. 140 00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:01,127 [ All crying ] 141 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,133 You know, the acid destroyed my tear ducts, also. 142 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,102 Listen, everyone. I'm fine. 143 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,503 I don't need rehab. 144 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,738 You're overreacting. 145 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:15,241 Oh, for the love of -- You don't want to drink anymore. 146 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,776 [ Robotically ] I don't want to drink anymore. 147 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,977 Oh! 148 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,278 Ohh! 149 00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:21,214 Can you help me with my carb addiction? 150 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,016 Well, of course, I can. Wink. 151 00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:27,954 You're in trouble now, kid. 152 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:30,790 I'm not a kid! I'm 18 now! 153 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:34,159 And you know who else is? Quailman! 154 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,461 [ Whistles ] 155 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,263 Someone needs Quailman! 156 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:42,268 ♪♪ 157 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,504 Ooh, extra tight today. 158 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,874 You better hope someone pays your ransom or else! 159 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,310 Quailman will be coming to save me any minute. 160 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:55,348 Friction addiction. 161 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:59,051 He should have been here by now. 162 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,319 Quailman! 163 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,988 I'm Quailman! 164 00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:04,357 Look. We've got another...thing. 165 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:05,858 "Riverdale" viewing party. 166 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,226 I was trying not to say that. 167 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,728 Look, Patti, you can just go. 168 00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:09,962 I like "Riverdale." 169 00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:11,564 That's nice. Get out. 170 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:14,567 Doug, want to go play basketball? 171 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:19,172 Oh, God! I knew this day would come! 172 00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,107 Dad, can you open this? 173 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,675 [ Grunting ] 174 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,079 Come on, Dad. You're Manimal! 175 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,081 Just turn into a bear or something. 176 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,117 Yes, son, I am Manimal, 177 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,486 master of the secrets that divide man from animal, 178 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,622 animal from man, but bears don't have fingers or thumbs. 179 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:38,691 So I wouldn't be able to open it anyway. 180 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:39,892 Could you at least try? 181 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,928 [ Sighs ] 182 00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:44,564 [ Growling ] 183 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,566 [ Roars ] 184 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,134 [ Grunting ] 185 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,974 Chase, this needs to get to the FedEx office fast. 186 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,409 Why don't you turn into a cheetah 187 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,710 or something to race it down there? 188 00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,645 Cheetahs are the fast animal alive, 189 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:04,050 but how do you expect a cheetah to carry that giant box? 190 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,751 Just do it. 191 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:09,755 [ Panting ] 192 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:13,226 [ Clears throat ] It's Tuesday at 8:30, darling. 193 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,995 Honey, how about we do it normally this time? 194 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,431 If I wanted to do it normally, 195 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,567 I wouldn't have married goddamn Manimal!! 196 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,102 [ Sighs ] 197 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:23,936 [ Whinnies ] 198 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:24,904 [ Moans ] 199 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,540 This...isn't... fun for me! 200 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:30,243 Say it like a horse! 201 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,044 So if I'm understanding this correctly, Mrs. Voorhees, 202 00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:35,181 you want to sue your son Jason 203 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,683 for ownership of the "Friday the 13th" properties? 204 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:38,918 Correct. 205 00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,120 But isn't he, like, the star of the movies? 206 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,222 If you remember the first movie correctly, 207 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,992 I was the killer. 208 00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,694 He was just a Mongoloid in a cameo role. 209 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,897 Oh, no offense, honey. 210 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:57,403 [ Sighs, mumbling indistinctly ] 211 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,704 He makes a good case, 212 00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:02,775 but the court rules in favor of Pamela Voorhees. 213 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,710 Oh, don't worry, son. 214 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,646 You'll land on your feet. 215 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,718 [ Mumbles "Ta-da!" ] 216 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,921 [ Applause ] 217 00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,790 Look! It's the Pokémon daycare center. 218 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:21,193 Hi, mister. Can you teach us to hatch Pokémon eggs? 219 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:24,096 Ho, ho, ho. Not so fast there, young man. 220 00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,765 Where do you think those eggs come from 221 00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:26,799 in the first place? 222 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,067 Storks? Trees? 223 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,970 The same place baby humans come from, you idiots. 224 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,439 My mom's uterus? Trees? 225 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,907 You need two Pokémons 226 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:38,344 who like each other very much, like those Bulbasaurs. 227 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,712 Bulba, bulba. 228 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,315 If you leave them alone, you'll get a Pokémon egg. 229 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:45,484 I've got every second of it on the security cameras. 230 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:46,385 Bulba?! 231 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,521 These two are into role-play. 232 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,057 I have a shed full of props and costumes 233 00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,258 for just such an occasion. 234 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,426 Bulba, Bulbasaur! 235 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,796 Bulba, bulba, bulba! Bulba, bulba, bulba! 236 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:58,331 That's hot. 237 00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:02,001 Some public-domain music really adds to the production value. 238 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,670 Wow, Pikachu, you're going to make an egg! 239 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:05,771 Pikachu! 240 00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:08,874 What about with that one? 241 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,743 [ Awoo-gah! ] Pikachu! 242 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,612 Sorry, no. That one's already got an egg in it. 243 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,748 How about that little honey over there? 244 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,917 [ Roars ] 245 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,719 P-P-Pikachu! 246 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,121 [ Cheesy music playing ] 247 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:25,524 [ Sighs ] Pikachu. 248 00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,926 Wait. I thought the Pokémon 249 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,261 had to be the same species to make an egg. 250 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:33,799 Well, bottom line, this movie checks a lot of fetish boxes. 251 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:34,834 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 252 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,168 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 253 00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,170 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 254 00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:39,338 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 255 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:40,673 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 256 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,508 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 257 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,509 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 258 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,844 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 259 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,846 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 260 00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:49,081 Ba-gawk! Bawk.