>> [ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
>> [ MECHANICAL BREATHING ]
>> [ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
>> WHAT IN THE [BLEEP] IS --
>> Palpatine: [ CHUCKLES ]
SO I THREW THE SENATE AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE WHOLE SENATE!
TRUE STORY!
>> OH, MY GOD, THAT IS SO FUNNY.
>> [ Laughing ] YOU MADE IT COME
OUT OF MY NOSE.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
>> Palpatine: GO FOR PAPA
PALPATINE.
>> YOU HAVE A COLLECT CALL
FROM...
>> Vader: [ MECHANICAL
BREATHING ]
DARTH VADER.
>> Palpatine: [ SIGHS ]
I GOT TO TAKE THIS.
HOLD ON.
VADER, HOW'S MY FAVORITE SITH?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHOA. WHOA.
JUST SLOW DOWN.
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY BLEW UP
THE DEATH STAR?
[BLEEP]
OH [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
WHO'S "THEY"?
WHAT THE HELL IS AN ALUMINUM
FALCON?
[ SIGHS ]
OKAY, OKAY, SO WHO'S LEFT?
ARE YOU [BLEEP] ME?
WELL, WHERE ARE YOU?
WAIT A SEC, YOU BEEN FLYING
AROUND FOR TWO WEEKS TRYING TO
GET A SIGNAL?
YOU MUST SMELL LIKE FEET WRAPPED
IN LEATHERY, BURNT BACON.
OH, OH, OH, I-I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT MY DARK LORD OF THE
SITH COULD PROTECT A SMALL
THERMAL-EXHAUST PORT THAT'S ONLY
TWO METERS WIDE.
THAT THING WASN'T EVEN FULLY
PAID OFF YET.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS
IS GONNA DO TO MY CREDIT?
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
HANG ON, I GOT ANOTHER CALL.
WHAT?!
I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW!
OH.
OH, WELL, WHERE ARE THEY GOING?
OH, ALL RIGHT.
UM, JUST GET ME A TURKEY CLUB.
UH, COLE SLAW, I GUESS.
I'M NOT EVEN GONNA EAT IT.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?
NO, SEE, I ALWAYS ORDER THE
WRONG THING.
NO, NO, NO, I'LL JUST STICK WITH
THAT.
OKAY, BYE.
W-WHAT?
OH, CHERRY COKE.
THANKS.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
[ SIGHS ]
WHAT?
OH, OH, "JUST REBUILD IT"?
REAL [BLEEP] ORIGINAL.
AND WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME A LOAN,
JACKHOLE?
YOU?
YOU GOT AN ATM ON THAT TORSO
LITE-BRITE?
NOW GET YOUR 7'2" ASTHMATIC ASS
BACK HERE, OR I'M GONNA TELL
EVERYONE WHAT A WHINY BITCH YOU
WERE ABOUT PADAMAMI OR
PANDA BEAR OR WHATEVER THE HELL
HER NAME IS.
OH, JEEZ, HE'S CRYING.
[ CHUCKLES ]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
COME ON, COME ON, DON'T DO THAT.
JUST -- JUST -- LOOK, I'M JUST
DEALING WITH A LOT OF CRAP RIGHT
NOW.
DEATH STAR BLOWN UP BY A BUNCH
OF [BLEEP] TEENAGERS, YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SNAP.
O-OKAY, JUST GET BACK HERE.
OKAY.
OKAY, BYE.
Y-- I --
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
>> WHAT'LL IT BE, PAL?
>> Jawa: MARTINI!
>> [ WHISTLING ]
OH, JEE-- OH, MY GOD.
I GOT TO GET THAT TRANSFER TO
CORUSCANT.
>> I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO EAT
THIS BORING OATMEAL.
>> Adm. Ackbar: IT'S A TRAP!
>> Both: WOW! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!
WOW! ADMIRAL ACKBAR CEREAL!
>> COLORFUL MARSHMALLOWS!
>> IMITATION CRAB MEAT!
>> Adm. Ackbar: YOUR TONGUES
CAN'T REPEL FLAVOR OF THAT
MAGNITUDE.
>> THERE'S A PRIZE IN EVERY BOX.
>> ADMIRAL ACKBAR CEREAL, NOW
WITH BRINE SHRIMP.
>> Ponda: [ SIGHS ]
[ SPEAKING AQUALISH ]
>> Evazan: WHAZUUUUUP, PONDA!
LET'S BUST OUT EARLY AND HIT
THAT NEW CANTINA ACROSS THE
STREET.
COME ON!
ONE DRINK AIN'T GONNA KILL YOU.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> [ BABBLING ]
>> [ SQUEAKING ]
>> Evazan: LIKE I'M REALLY GONNA
EAT A BUNCH OF BANANAS AFTER
THAT?!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.
>> Luke: I'M SORRY.
>> Evazan: I DON'T LIKE YOU,
EITHER.
YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF.
WE'RE WANTED MEN.
I HAVE THE DEATH SENTENCE ON
12 SYSTEMS.
>> Luke: I'LL BE CAREFUL.
>> Evazan: YOU'LL BE DEAD!
>> Ponda: [ SCREAMING ]
>> GEE, PONDA, I JUST DON'T SEE
HOW YOU CAN KEEP DESIGNING WITH
NO DRAWING ARM.
I'M SORRY, BUT WE HAVE TO LET
YOU GO.
[ ALARM BUZZES ]
>> C-3PO: OH -- OH, DEAR.
MY KEYS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Qui-Gon: IT'S ALMOST OPEN.
HOLD ON TO THIS.
>> WHOA, COMING THROUGH!
>> THE WALL'S ON FIRE!
[ ELEPHANT TRUMPETS ]
>> WHAT WAS THAT?
>> IT WAS A LIGHTSABER!
>> THIS IS MY FIRST DAY!
[ CAR ALARM BLARES ]
>> Vader: WHAT THE --
LITTLE HELP?
>> WELCOME TO ORIENTATION DAY
HERE ON THE JOLLY, OLD DEATH
STAR.
THERE ARE A FEW THINGS WE WANT
TO GO OVER WITH YOU CONCERNING
LORD VADER.
FIRST AND FOREMOST, HE THINKS HE
HAS THE POWER TO STRANGLE US.
TRUTH IS, HE DOESN'T.
IF HE EVER REALIZED THIS, HE
WOULD KILL US WITH HIS
LIGHTSABER.
THUS, TO KEEP US SAFE, WE'LL ALL
PRETEND TO GET STRANGLED.
OKAY, LET'S TRY A PRACTICE.
COMMANDER WINSTON HERE WILL
ASSIST ME.
I'M GOING TO HOLD OUT MY HAND
LIKE LORD VADER, AND HE WILL
PRETEND TO BE STRANGLED.
GASPING FOR AIR.
GRABS THROAT, YES.
EYES BACK, AND HE'S DOWN.
GOOD SHOW, COMMANDER.
NOW TWO OF THE FLOOR CHIEFS WILL
RETRIEVE THE CORPSE, REDRESS
HIM, ADD A MUSTACHE, AND HE'S
BACK TO WORK AS
LIEUTENANT LEOPOLD.
VADER HAS THE SATISFACTION OF
KILLING SOMEONE, AND WE STAY
AMONGST THE LIVING.
WHY, PRIVATE PERKINS OVER THERE
HAS BEEN STRANGLED OVER
30 TIMES, HAVEN'T YOU, PERKINS?
[ LAUGHS ]
GOOD MAN.
>> Luke: YEAH!
THIS IS AWESOME!
R2, PATCH ME THROUGH.
I WANT TO CALL UNCLE OWEN AND
AUNT --
OHH.
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
>> [ GASPS ]
YOU'RE GEORGE LUCAS!
>> George: UH, I TAKE IT YOU'RE
HERE FOR THE "STAR WARS"
CONVENTION?
>> I SURE AM.
WANT TO SEE MY COSTUME?
>> George: UM...
>> SEE?
I'M A TAUNTAUN.
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU.
YOU INVENTED TAUNTAUNS.
>> George: WELL, THAT'S VERY
INTERESTING.
>> LISTEN TO MY TAUNTAUN CALL!
[ GROWLING ]
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
>> George: NICELY DONE.
OH, DEAR GOD.
>> OH, MY GOD!
GEORGE LUCAS!
>> I LOVE YOU!
GIVE ME A BABY!
>> QUICKLY, SIR!
ONTO MY BACK!
I AM YOUR STEED.
>> George: UH...
I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> George: OH, DEAR GOD.
[ CROWD GASPS ]
>> George: OH, WELL, UM...
AND I THOUGHT THEY SMELLED BAD
ON THE OUTSIDE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE!
ME?
THANK YOU!
AND THAT WAS THE GREATEST DAY OF
MY WHOLE LIFE.
>> WHAT ABOUT WHEN I WAS BORN?
>> NOT EVEN CLOSE.
>> Luke: BUT WITH THE BLAST
SHIELD DOWN, I CAN'T EVEN SEE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT?
OOH!
>> [ ROARS ]
OH, DAMN IT!
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> I NEVER GET A SPACESHIP.
I NEVER GET ANYTHING.
>> SHOULD WE ORDER SOME CHINESE
FOOD?
>> I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS.
>> WE'LL GET SOME CHINESE.
[ TELEPHONE DIALING ]
HELLO, COULD WE GET, UM...
WHAT DO YOU THINK, 5 MILLION
TONS OF KUNG PAO CHICKEN?
>> THAT'S GOOD.
>> YEAH, 3 MILLION POT STICKERS
AND ONE ORDER OF SCALLION
PANCAKES.
>> GET SOME FRIED RICE.
>> 5 MILLION TONS OF FRIED RICE.
CASH OR CHARGE?
IT'S -- HOLD ON.
WE'RE JUST GONNA GOBBLE HIM UP
WHEN HE GETS HERE, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, OF COURSE.
>> CASH, THEN.
>> Mace: [ SCREAMING ]
THAT MOTHER--
>> [ SIGHS ]
I GOT TO GET THAT TRANSFER TO
THE DEATH STAR.
>> MR. PRESIDENT, YOUR VITALS
ALL CHECK OUT FINE.
THERE IS JUST ONE THING.
YOUR MIDI-CHLORIAN COUNT IS
EXTRAORDINARILY HIGH.
>> Pres. Bush: DOES THAT MEAN
THAT I'M ONE OF THEM, WHATCHA
CALL 'EM, JEDIS?
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Laura: OH, NOT TONIGHT.
I'M TIRED, HONEY.
>> Pres. Bush: YOU'RE NOT TIRED.
YOU WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME.
>> Laura: I'M NOT TIRED.
I WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME.
>> George: GET ME CONDI.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
>> Pres. Clinton: OH, SORRY,
"W."
BIG MAC ATTACK.
YEE-HOO!
HEY, HEY, WHOA!
WHAT THE DILLY?
>> Pres. Bush: [ CHUCKLES ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
SABER BEATS ROCK.
[ RUMBLING ]
WHAT IN THE HELL?
>> Pres. Lincoln: WHO DARES
DISTURB MY SLUMBER?
>> Pres. Bush: WHO DARES
QUESTION MY...DARING...OF HIS
DARE?
JERK!
>> Pres. Lincoln: IT IS I, I WHO
FREED THE SLAVES, I WHO
UNITED --
>> Pres. Bush: BORING.
LET'S FIGHT!
>> Pres. Lincoln: IF YOU
STRIKE ME DOWN, I SHALL
BECOME -- WAIT, LET ME FINISH!
AAH!
>> Pres. Bush: THAT'LL TEACH
YOU, GEORGE WASHINGTON!
JENNA, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!
I AM YOUR FATHER!
>> Jenna: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
MY REAL FATHER WOULD LET ME GO
CLUBBING AS LATE AS I WANT!
>> Pres. Bush: YOU LITTLE --
>> Jenna: OW.
>> Pres. Bush: OH, NO, BABY, I'M
SORRY.
>> Jenna: AAH!
YOU SUCK!
>> Pres. Bush: NOOOOO!
[ SNORING ]
WHAT -- HUH?
WAS IT JUST A DREAM?
>> MR, PRESIDENT, WE STILL
HAVEN'T FOUND ANY WEAPONS OF
MASS DESTRUCTION.
>> Pres. Bush: YOU HAVE FOUND
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
>> UH...HI.
WE HAVEN'T.
>> Pres. Bush: YOU HAVE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING.
>> Pres. Bush: BRING ME A TACO.
>> YES, SIR.
>> Pres. Bush: TACOS RULE.
>> CLOUD CITY WILL BE CLOUDY
THIS EVENING, FOLLOWED BY
CLOUDS.
>> GET YOUR OWN TAUNTAUN!
>> Luke: YOUR OVERCONFIDENCE IS
YOUR WEAKNESS.
>> Palpatine: YOUR FAITH IN YOUR
FRIENDS IS YOURS.
>> Luke: FAITH IN YO MAMA.
>> Palpatine: WHAT WAS THAT?
>> Luke: I SAID, YO MAMA'S SO
FAT, JABBA THE HUTT SAID,
"DA-A-A-MN!"
>> Palpatine: WELL, YOUR
MOTHER'S SO UGLY, SHE PUT THE
"UG" IN UGNAUGHT.
>> Vader: OH, YO MAMA FIGHT!
>> Luke: YO MAMA'S SO STUPID,
SHE SPENT ALL DAY SAYING, "AM
NOT," TO R2.
[ CROWD SHOUTS ]
>> Palpatine: YOUR MOTHER IS SO
FAT THAT BEN KENOBI SAID,
"THAT'S NO MOON."
THAT'S YOUR MAMA!"
[ CROWD SHOUTS ]
>> Luke: YO MAMA'S SO DUMB,
SHE THOUGHT JAR JAR COMES WITH
PICKLES PICKLES!
[ CROWD SHOUTS ]
>> Palpatine: YOUR MOTHER IS SO
STUPID, SHE -- SHE THINKS A
LIGHTSABER HAS FEWER CALORIES.
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
>> I DON'T GET IT.
>> Palpatine: IT'S LIGHT.
LIKE IT'S LIGHT.
LIKE, LIGHT MEANS THAT THERE'S
NOT A LOT OF CALORIES AND IT'S
GOOD...FOR YOUR BODY.
THAT'S HOW STUPID YOUR MOTHER
IS.
>> Luke: YO MAMA IS SO STUPID,
SHE WENT TO BANGKOK TO GET A
TIE FIGHTER.
AND LUKE WINS!
>> Palpatine: WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
PUT ME DOWN!
[ SCREAMING ]
>> OH, COME ON.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING UP THERE ALL
THE TIME?
>> WHAT'S HAPPENED UP THERE?
>> Han: UH, WE HAD A SLIGHT
WEAPONS MALFUNCTION, BUT
EVERYTHING'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT
NOW.
WE'RE ALL FINE HERE NOW.
THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
>> WE'RE SENDING A SQUAD UP.
>> Han: NEGATIVE.
WE HAD A REACTOR LEAK HERE NOW.
GIVE US A MINUTE.
LARGE LEAK, VERY DANGEROUS.
>> THERE'S NO REACTOR ON THAT
FLOOR.
>> Han: YES, WELL...I TALKED TO
DAVE JOHNSON IN STORMTROOPER
ENGINEERING, AND HE SAID THERE
IS A REACTOR HERE.
>> DAVE JOHNSON?
HANG ON ONE SECOND.
OKAY, I HAVE DAVE JOHNSON ON THE
LINE.
DAVE, DID YOU TELL SOMEONE
THERE'S A REACTOR IN PRISONER
CONTROL ROOM?
>> Dave: UH, NO, THERE'S NO
REACTOR THERE.
>> Han: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO
TELL YOU, BUT I'M STARING
STRAIGHT AT A REACTOR.
MAYBE VADER HAD IT INSTALLED
YESTERDAY.
>> HANG ON A SECOND.
>> Vader: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
>> LORD VADER, DID YOU INSTALL A
REACTOR IN THE PRISONER CONTROL
ROOM?
>> Vader: UM...NOT THAT I KNOW
OF.
HANG ON ONE SECOND.
SHEILA, CAN YOU GET ME THE PLANS
TO THE DEATH STAR?
OKEYDOKEY, THE PLANS HERE --
LET ME HAVE A LOOK.
[ SINGING INDISTINCTLY ]
REACTOR, REACTOR, REACTOR.
NO REACTOR THAT I CAN SEE, BUT
MIGHT AS WELL PUT ONE IN.
THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR ANOTHER
REACTOR.
>> WE'LL SEND A TEAM UP TO BUILD
THE NEW REACTOR.
>> Han: NO, NOT NECESSARY.
WE'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
BORING CONVERSATION ANYWAY.
OKAY, LET'S BUILD THIS REACTOR.
>> Vader: INFORM THE EMPEROR
THAT THE JEDI TEMPLE HAS BEEN
SEALED.
>> YES, MY LORD.
>> Jar Jar: ANI?
ANI! LITTLE ANI!
>> Vader: JAR JAR, I AM NO
LONGER ANAKIN SKYWALKER.
>> Jar Jar: THESE ARE SOME NICE
DUDS.
>> Vader: LOOK, JAR JAR, IT IS
VERY IMPORTANT...
[GROANS]
THAT YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME
AGAIN.
>> Jar Jar: WHAT'SA HAPPEN TO
YOU?
YOUSA BURN YOUR FACE --
AAAAH!
ANI-BO-BANI!
WHAT'SA HAPPEN TO YOU?
>> Vader: JAR JAR, HOMEY, MY
MAIN MAN, QUICKLY, BEFORE THE
SEPARATISTS ATTACK, GET INTO THE
ESCAPE POD.
>> Jar Jar: HEY, IF THIS IS
ESCAPE, THEN WHERE THE POD?
YOUSA FORGOT THE POD!
WHOO!
>> Vader: [ SIGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Jar Jar: ANI, LOOK!
YOUSA NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT!
MEESA ALL SPARKLY GLOWY.
NOW WEESA GONNA HAVE ALL THE
TIME TO SPEND TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU, ANI!
[ CHEERS ]
ANI, YEAH!
>> AND TOSHI STATION IS PROUD TO
PRESENT THE POWER CONVERTERS!
OH, YEAH!
>> Boba: [ MUTTERING ]
HEY, MR. SOLO.
SOLO ON THE ROCKS.
YOU CAN'T BEAT ME, I'M
BOBA FETT!
I'M THE GREATEST BOUNTY HUNTER
EVER.
[ IMITATES GUNFIRE ]
OH, YEAH.
WHAT'S THAT, SOLO?
OH, BLASTERS AREN'T FAIR?
OKAY, DIG IT -- NO BLASTERS.
OH, AH!
DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING, DID
YOU, HUH?
SO SLOW.
YOU THOUGHT I WAS OVER THERE,
BUT GUESS WHAT.
[ Laughing ] OVER HERE.
OH, YEAH.
A LITTLE ROPE-A-DOPE, HUH?
LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT, OH!
[ LAUGHS ]
DOWN GOES SOLO.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
HUH?
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, YOU WANT A FACE-TO-FACE?
LET ME JUST TAKE THIS BAD BOY
OFF.
OH, HE'S EVEN BETTER LOOKING
WITHOUT THE HELMET.
SURPRISE ENDING.
HUH? YOU WANT ME TO COME CLOSER?
OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT
ANYMORE?
OH, YOUR HANDS ARE UP THERE
ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE BEGGING --
BEGGING FOR A LITTLE PIECE OF
BOBA.
YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU?
YOU LIKE IT 'CAUSE YOU'RE BAD.
OH, YEAH.
YOU DIRTY LITTLE SMUGGLER.
>> Chewbacca: [ GROWLS ]
>> Vader: TURN TO THE DARK SIDE
AND JOIN ME.
>> Luke: I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!
YOU KILLED MY FATHER!
>> Vader: NO, LUKE, I AM YOUR
FATHER.
>> Luke: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
>> Vader: AND PRINCESS LEIA IS
YOUR SISTER.
>> Luke: THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT'S...IMPROBABLE.
>> Vader: AND THE EMPIRE WILL BE
DEFEATED BY EWOKS.
>> Luke: THAT'S...
[ CHUCKLES ]
VERY UNLIKELY.
>> Vader: AND AS A CHILD, I
BUILT C-3PO.
>> Luke: HUH?
>> Vader: AND THE FORCE?
WELL, THAT'S JUST MICROSCOPIC
BACTERIA IN YOUR BLOODSTREAM
CALLED MIDI-CHLORIANS.
>> Luke: LOOK, IF YOU'RE NOT
GONNA TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, I'M
OUT.
>> Palpatine: AS YOU CAN SEE, MY
YOUNG APPRENTICE, YOUR FRIENDS
HAVE --
[ HAMMERING, WHIRRING ]
YOUR FRIENDS HAVE FAILED.
NOW --
[ GRINDING ]
NOW WITNESS THE FIREPOWER OF --
[ LOUD GRINDING ]
FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL --
OH, COME ON!
[ GRINDING CONTINUES ]
HEY, FELLAS!
EXCUSE ME.
[ NOISE STOPS ]
HEY, THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH
THIS ONE, EH?
WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, A LATTE?
YOU EVER HAVE THE HAZELNUT
MACCHIATO?
CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
ANYWHO...TONY, RIGHT?
>> Ray: RAY.
>> Palpatine: RAY, SORRY.
I GET MIXED UP.
WHO'S TONY?
ANYWAY, I HATE TO INTERRUPT.
I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY.
IS THERE ANY WAY YOU COULD
FINISH THIS AREA, YOU KNOW,
LATER?
I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF
SOMETHING.
>> Ray: LOOK, MR. SALTINE, I
DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO...THREATEN
YOUR BLOND KID, SO WHY DON'T YOU
GO BACK OVER THERE TO YOUR
SIT-AND-SPIN AND LET ME DO MY
JOB?
>> Palpatine: OKAY, COPY THAT.
GOOD TALK.
THEY'LL JUST BE A LITTLE LONGER.
I'D TELL THEM TO STOP, BUT, YOU
KNOW...NO SPEAK-O MINIMUM
WAGE-O.
[ CHUCKLES ]
SO, WHERE WAS I?
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
NOW WITNESS THE FIREPOWER...
[ LOUD DRILLING ]
[ UPBEAT "STAR WARS" THEME
PLAYS ]
>> JABBA THE HUTT'S HOTTEST
SINGER WAS BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS,
BUT HIS ROCK 'N' ROLL WILL NEVER
DIE.
PRESENTING MAX REEBO'S GREATEST
HITS, INCLUDING "WHY DO I LOOK
LIKE AN ELEPHANT?"...
>> Max: [ SINGING IN
NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
>> "OOH, I HAVE AN AVERAGE
MEMORY"...
AND HIS GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING
SINGLE, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M
NOT AN ELEPHANT"...
AND HIS FAMOUS DUET WITH
NSYNC'S JOEY FATONE.
>> Joey: ♪ NEITHER OF US IS AN
ELEPHANT ♪
>> MAX REEBO'S GREATEST HITS,
THE GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A BLUE
ELEPHANT.
ORDER NOW.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> Zuckuss: YA YA YA!
OKAY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
WE HAVE A SURPRISE GUEST
TONIGHT.
I REALLY WASN'T EXPECTING THIS.
EMPEROR PALPATINE IS HERE.
>> Palpatine: SILENCE!
FEAR ME!
>> Zuckuss: SO, TELL ME,
YOUR HIGHNESS, HOW DO YOU PLAN
ON PUTTING DOWN THIS REBELLION?
>> Palpatine: BY SHOOTING IT
WITH LIGHTNING!
THAT'S HOW I SOLVE ALL MY
PROBLEMS.
AND THEN AFTERWARDS, I SHALL EAT
PUDDING.
>> Zuckuss: [ Laughing ] OKAY.
BUT SERIOUSLY, THE REBELS HAVE
ALREADY CAUSED MAJOR
DISRUPTIONS.
>> Palpatine: I'LL SHOW YOU A
MAJOR DISRUPTION...
A MAJOR DISRUPTION IN MY ADULT
UNDERGARMENTS.
>> Zuckuss: OKAY.
>> Palpatine: CAN WE GET OUT OF
HERE?
SERIOUSLY, FRANCIS, IT'S TIME
FOR MY SOAP OPERAS.
>> Zuckuss: IT'S ZUCKUSS.
>> Palpatine: PEACE OUT,
FLY-FACE!
FEAR ME!
>> Zuckuss: OKAY, THAT WAS FUN.
LET'S BRING OUT OUR NEXT GUEST,
THE LORD OF THE SITH,
DARTH VADER!
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]
HEY, EASY.
YOU COULD HURT SOMEBODY WITH
THAT.
EASY, BOY. EASY, BOY.
OKAY, WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW
TONIGHT.
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE-NIGHT TALK"
WITH SINBAD.
>> Leia: THAT WAS SO WRONG.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME
TO EMPIRE ON ICE!
>> Luke: ♪ THE EMPIRE IS CHASING
US ♪
♪ THEY SIMPLY WILL NOT CEASE ♪
>> Han: ♪ OH, MAN, MY NUTS ARE
FREEZING, KID ♪
♪ I'M UP OUT THIS BITCH ♪
>> Both: PEACE!
>> ♪ I'M THE WAMPA ♪
♪ I'M THE SNOWMAN ♪
♪ AND I DON'T TAKE ANY LIP FROM
NO MAN ♪
>> Luke: BUT --
[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> Han: ♪ I KNOW YOU WANT ME
BAD, PRINCESS ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU'RE SUCH A
FLIRTER ♪
>> Leia: ♪ SHUT UP, YOU SCRUFFY
NERF-HERDER ♪
>> C-3PO: ♪ LUKE, HE HASN'T
CHECKED IN YET ♪
♪ IT MIGHT BE THAT HE IS DONE ♪
♪ HIS CHANCES OF SURVIVING
HERE ♪
♪ ARE 10,000,005-TO-1 ♪
>> R2-D2: [ BEEPS AND WHISTLES ]
>> Chewbacca: [ GROWLS ]
>> ♪ YOU'RE SO DUMB ♪
♪ THE EMPIRE'S BEEN ALERTED, AND
HERE THEY COME ♪
>> All: ♪ EMPIRE ON ICE ♪
♪ EMPIRE ON ICE ♪
♪ HERE WE ARE ♪
♪ THE EMPIRE ON ICE ♪
♪ ALL THOSE REBELS WILL PAY A
BIG PRICE ♪
♪ VADER'S NOT NICE ♪
♪ AND THE TAUNTAUN GETS SLICED ♪
♪ AND CHEWBACCA HAS LICE ♪
♪ THE EMPIRE ON ICE ♪
♪ EMPIRE ON ICE ♪
♪ EMPIRE ON I-I-ICE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHICKENS CLUCKING TO TUNE OF
"STAR WARS" THEME ]
>> Vader: [ MECHANICAL
BREATHING ]
>> Jar Jar: [ SHOUTS ]
ANI, YEAH!
[ SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]