[ CHEERING ]
[ SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
>> HA!
BACK FROM THE DEAD, ASSHOLES!
[ EWOKS SCREAMING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
OH HO HO!
BOBA'S GOT HIMSELF A LIGHTSABER
NOW!
OH HO HO HO HO!
MAKE IT TWO!
OOH, RED AND BLUE.
WHEN I PUT IT TOGETHER, WHAT
DOES IT MAKE?
PURPLE RAIN!
OH, NO, HE'S GETTIN' AWAY!
WHAT'S THIS BUTTON HERE?
SAYS "LONG-RANGE MISSILE."
COULDN'T POSSIBLY -- COULD IT?
[ LAUGHS ]
AND THE QUARTERBACK IS TOAST!
>> OH, BOBA!
>> HEY, HEY, HE GOT THE GIRL.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CLOTHING?
WHY DON'T YOU -- THERE'S MORE
COMFORTABLE.
RIGHT ON.
OH, CAREFUL OF THE ANTENNA,
BABY.
>> AND THAT WOULD BE THE MOST
AWESOMEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN
IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!
>> CAN SOMEBODY GET ME A SOCK?
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ MECHANICAL BREATHING ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
>> HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE MAD,
ALFONSO.
I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO GET IT
CUT, AND MY HAIR IS WHAAAH!
>> DON'T WORRY!
WE WILL HAVE YOU LOOKING
PERFECT, SIR!
[ LAUGHS ]
UH-OH!
LOOK AT YOU!
YOU LOOK CRAZY!
>> I KNOW.
I LOOK CRAZY.
>> WELL, LET'S GET STARTED.
AND HOW IS THE EMPIRE COMING
ALONG?
LAST TIME, YOU WERE VERY EXCITED
ABOUT YOUR DEATH STAR.
>> LET'S JUST SAY WE'RE ALREADY
BUILDING ANOTHER ONE.
>> UH-OH!
>> YEAH, I'VE GOT VADER ON IT.
UGH. JUST SAYING HIS NAME
STRESSES MY ASS!
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
>> UH-OH!
>> YEAH?
>> TURN YOUR HEAD FOR ME,
PLEASE.
>> YOU LOST THEM?
>> UH-OH!
>> I-I CAN'T HOLD YOUR HAND
ANYMORE, VADER.
A HAND I GAVE YOU, I MIGHT ADD!
NO! NO! SHUT UP!
>> UH-OH!
>> I-I-I GOT TO PUT YOU ON HOLD!
I JUST WANT TO THROW MYSELF IN A
HOT BATH AND CRY.
>> OH, NO!
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOME GUYS?
WHAT ABOUT A BOUNTY HUNTER?
>> A WHAT, NOW?
>> YOU KNOW, A GUY WHO LOOKS FOR
A GUY FOR MONEY.
MY SISTER'S DATING ONE.
>> ALFONSO, YOU'RE A LIFESAVER!
WHAT'S YOUR MIDI-CHLORIAN COUNT?
SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO WE NEED TO
DO?
>> WE PUT AN AD IN THE PAPER.
BOUNTY HUNTERS FROM EVERYWHERE
ARE LOOKING, LOOKING, LOOKING,
AND THEN WE GOT THIS GUY!
>> I LIKE IT.
AND I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING!
>> WELL, YOU GOT THE FACE FOR
IT!
>> FRIGHT FANS!
IT'S THE GEONOSIAN SEPARATIST
HOT POD SUMMER CHAMPIONSHIP!
>> CHAMPIONSHIP!
>> KICK IT TO THE GEONOSIAN AREA
THIS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.
>> SUNDAY, SUNDAY.
>> FEATURING THE 50,000 CREDIT
BATTLE FOR THE "MONSTER BEAST
CHALLENGE SERIES."
WITH ACKLAY!
MONSTER BEAST!
REEK!
AND NEXU!
TAKING ON TWO ROBE-CLAD,
FORCE-MAD, DEAD-EYE JEDI
WARRIORS!
>> FORCE MAD!
>> TICKETS NOW AT ALL HOLO-TRON
OUTLETS AND GEONOSIAN ARENA BOX
OFFICE.
THIS SATURDAY, 7:30 P.M.!
SPECIAL SHOW, SUNDAY 1:30!
>> BRING THE KIDS!
>> ONLY AT THE GEONOSIAN ARENA.
IT'S AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME!
>> LUKE, WHAT'S WRONG?
>> I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE BEN'S
GONE.
>> OH!
DID THE 80-YEAR-OLD MAN YOU JUST
MET YESTERDAY DIE?
I MEAN, SORRY IF I DIDN'T
NOTICE.
I WAS A LITTLE BUSY THINKING
ABOUT MY ENTIRE FAMILY AND THE
OTHER 2 BILLION PEOPLE FROM
ALDERAAN WHO WERE JUST VAPORIZED
INTO DUST 'BOUT THREE HOURS AGO.
>> [ BEEPING ]
>> GARY, WHERE IS JESSICA?
ISN'T TODAY "TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER
TO WORK DAY?"
>> NO ONE ACTUALLY DOES THAT.
>> GARY, YOU PROMISED.
>> KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN, JESSICA!
>> OKAY, DADDY! OH!
MR. FUZZYBOTTOM!
>> [ GROANS ]
OH! UGH!
AHHH!
[ PANTING ]
HERE YOU GO, BABY.
>> WHO IS THIS LITTLE GIRL?
>> OH! LORD VADER!
UH...IT'S "TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO
WORK DAY," AND I KNOW, UH -- YOU
KNOW, I'M SORRY FOR BRINGING
HER, BUT MY WIFE SAYS I NEVER
SEE HER, AND -- AND LET'S BE
HONEST.
SHE'S RIGHT.
OKAY? SHE'S RIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
'CAUSE, I MEAN, THEY CHANGE YOUR
WORLD.
OH, I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET FIRED
FOR THIS, BUT [BLEEP] IT.
I LOVE MY DAUGHTER.
>> THAT REALLY HITS ME WHERE I
LIVE.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THOSE
PLANS?
GARY HERE NEVER SEES HIS
DAUGHTER BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE
YOU!
[ BONES SNAP ]
I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE
THAT.
ARE YOU HAVING FUN, BEING AT
WORK WITH YOUR FATHER?
>> MMMM.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
I KNOW, I'M SCARY.
>> THESE AREN'T THE DROIDS
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
>> THESE AREN'T THE DROIDS WE'RE
LOOKING FOR.
>> YES, THEY ARE.
>> MOVE ALONG.
>> DADDY, YOU'RE NOT EVEN
TRYING!
>> BABY, IT IS 165 DEGREES ON
THIS PLANET!
I CAN'T HEAR IN THIS THING!
I WAS JUST REPEATING WHAT I
THOUGHT THE GUY WAS SAYING!
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S MY OWN
MOTHER[BLEEP] THOUGHT ON THE
MATTER, OKAY?!
>> [ CRYING ]
>> HON-- OH!
BABY!
>> SEE?
THAT'S WHY I DON'T TAKE MY
DAUGHTER TO JACK [BLEEP]
>> MAKE HER TELL US THE LOCATION
OF THE REBEL BASE.
>> GOOD GOD, MAN!
I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A SAVAGE!
THIS IS A FLU SHOT!
GOOD DAY, SIR!
>> YOU WILL MAKE HER --
>> I SAID, "GOOD DAY, SIR!"
>> WHAT THE...
YOU TRYING TO DROWN THAT KID?
WHAT ARE YOU INJECTING THERE?
IS THIS THE BLOODY DARK AGES?!
WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW SOME
LEECHES IN THERE!
OH, NOBODY LISTEN TO DR. BALL.
HE'S JUST AN OLD FOOL!
SHE'S LOST THE WILL TO LIVE?!
WHAT IS YOUR DEGREE IN, POETRY?
YOU SORRY BUNCH OF HIPPIES.
FOR GOD'S SAKES, DON'T USE THE
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF MEDICAL
EQUIPMENT AROUND US.
WHY DON'T WE ALL JUST GET ON OUR
KNEES AND PRAY?
WE DON'T HAVE KNEES, YOU
MOTHER[BLEEP]
>> OKAY, KID, MR. AKBAR HERE IS
READY TO TAKE THIS AD CAMPAIGN
COAST TO COAST.
WHAT HAVE YOU COME UP WITH?
[ KNUCKLES CRACK ]
>> ♪ AKBAR'S FISH STICKS
FROM THE SEA ♪
♪ THEY COOK SO TENDER
AND FLAKY ♪
♪ WHIP SOME UP FOR YOU AND ME ♪
♪ TO PASS THEM UP
IS A BIG MISTAKEY ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
>> "BIG MISTAKEY"?
>> IT'S A NO, GUYS.
[ ALL GROAN ]
>> I THINK IT WORKS BETTER AS AN
INSTRUMENTAL ANYWAY.
>> THERE'S ONE.
SET FOR STUN.
UGH!
>> HE SAID STUN.
[ CRYING ]
IT WASN'T GONNA HURT YA.
HE SAID STUN.
[ BEEPING ]
>> [ ROARS ]
>> [ SCREECHES, GASPS ]
[ BEEPING ]
[ ALARM BLARING ]
[ GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! ]
WHOO!
>> GO TO THE JEDI TEMPLE.
DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.
>> MR. SKYWALKER.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> ALL OF YOU LINE UP, OLDEST TO
YOUNGEST.
>> WHAT FOR, SIR?
>> UM...A TREAT.
[ EXCITED CHATTERING ]
UM...EVERYONE JUST, UH, CLOSE
YOUR EYES REAL TIGHT AND PUT
YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR EARS.
NO PEEKING.
>> MR. SKYWALKER, CAN MY TREAT
JUST BE A HUG?
>> YOU CAN DO THIS, ANAKIN.
JUST -- JUST GO TO YOUR HAPPY
PLACE.
OH, REMEMBER THE FIELDS OF
NABOO, WHERE YOU FELL IN LOVE.
YEAH.
YEAH!
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
OH, YEAH!
OH, NATURE!
I FEEL ALIVE!
OH, YEAH!
AAH, HYAH!
OH, I'M SO IN LOVE.
AAH, HYAH!
RA-A-A-R!
[ Laughing ] WHERE YOU GOING?
COME HERE.
YEAH!
OH, YEAH!
THAT WAS NICE.
>> ANAKIN, I'M HOME!
>> OH, GOOD.
I LEFT YOU SOME FRESH-CUT
SUNFLOWERS ON THE DINING TABLE.
>> OH, ANIE, THAT IS SO...
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
>> OUR FORCES ARE ALMOST IN
PLACE.
[ ENGINE REVVING ]
>> THIS IS GENERAL VEERS.
BEGIN YOUR ATTACK.
>> YEEEEE-HAW!
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
SLOW DOWN.
>> OW!
>> OOH!
>> HERE THEY COME!
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!
>> YOU JUST PASSED THEM.
YOU GOT TO TUR-- LOOK OUT!
[ AT-AT SQUEALING ]
>> YEAH!
THAT WAS AWESOME!
WHOO-HOO!
>> GENERAL VEERS, REPORT ON THE
ATTACK.
>> UH, UH...
HA HA!
WHOO!
I LOVE THIS THING!
>> THIS IS IT, MOM.
EVERYONE HAS A DESTINY, AND MINE
IS JUST OVER THAT HORIZON.
>> KRAYT, LISTEN TO REASON.
THE ELDERS ALL SAY IT'S JUST A
NEVER-ENDING OCEAN OF DESERT OUT
THERE.
>> OH, PISHPOSH.
WHAT KIND OF CRUEL GOD WOULD
CREATE A WHOLE PLANET DEFINED BY
JUST ONE TOPOGRAPHICAL FEATURE?
WHY, THAT'D BE AS RIDICULOUS AS
A WHOLE WORLD MADE OF NOTHING
BUT ICE, LAVA, OR FOREST.
NO, SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO
DIG DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOURSELF
AND FIND THE COURAGE TO SAY,
LOOK OUT, WORLD.
HERE COMES KRAYT DRAGON.
>> WHAT IS THY BIDDING, MY
MASTER?
>> MY BIDDING?
HOW ABOUT I BID THEE TO STOP
RAMMING THE SHIP INTO [BLEEP]
ASTEROID FIELDS?
CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
>> I'M TRYING.
>> YEAH? WELL, THERE IS NO TRY.
THERE'S DO AND THERE'S [BLEEP]
ROYAL.
AND YOU ARE [BLEEP] ROYAL, SO
I'M HIRING BOUNTY HUNTERS TO DO
THE JOB.
>> BUT I --
>> NO BUTS.
IT'S ALREADY RINGING.
YOU LOOK SO TINY DOWN THERE,
LIKE A LITTLE MEAN PEPPER
SHAKER.
SHEILA, HEY, IT'S PALPATINE.
LISTEN, I NEED YOU TO PLACE AN
AD FOR ME, WILL YOU?
IMPERIAL EMPEROR SEEKING BOUNTY
HUNTERS TO, UM -- TO FIND AND
LOCATE -- YEAH, I GUESS THAT IS
THE SAME THING.
OKAY, TO LOCATE THE
MILLENNIUM FALCON.
SHE'S TYPING.
SO ALL YOU SEE IS MY HEAD, HUH?
CAN YOU SEE THIS?
WHO-O-O-O-O-O-O-OP! UP!
>> YES, I C--
>> NO, I'M HERE.
RIGHT.
OH, AND BE SURE TO MENTION SOME
KIND OF A REWARD.
WHAT? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK?
REALLY?
THAT SEEMS A LITTLE HIGH TO ME.
NO, I SEE YOUR POINT.
I TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE
JUST SAY "SUBSTANTIAL REWARD"
AND LEAVE IT AT THAT?
OKAY, THANKS, SHEILA.
WHAT?
[ SIGHS ]
SURE. WHAT'S HIS NAME?
DENGAR?
SOUNDS GOOD.
YEAH, NO, WE'LL BRING HIM IN
FIRST THING.
OKAY. OKAY, BYE-BYE.
SHEILA'S HUSBAND'S A BOUNTY
HUNTER.
I TOLD HER WE'D GIVE HIM A
LOOK-SEE.
>> [ MECHANICAL BREATHING ]
>> BET THAT KNEE'S STARTING TO
HURT.
PERSON, NOT AN ACTOR, SO TO TELL
HER STORY, WE HIRED THE STAR OF
"PHANTOM MENACE."
>> I WAS DRIVING DOWN MY STREET
WHEN A TRUCK HIT ME HEAD-ON.
>> OSA-NOES!
THERE'S A TRUCK A-COMIN'!
AAAAH!
WE'S-A GONNA DIE!
>> YES.
I WAS FINE, BUT THE CAR WAS
TOTALED.
>> WHOO-EE PATOOTIE!
IT'S A MESS!
GOT THE ENGINE OVER HERE, BUT
THE WHEEL FOR STEERIN' WAY OVER
THERE!
AAH!
>> MY AGENT AT GECKO INSURANCE
SENT ME A CHECK RIGHT AWAY.
>> YOU-SA NOT EVEN GONNA BELIEVE
THIS.
JA WHEH.
WE WIN DA MONEY.
WHOOPEE!
WHA-AAAAH!
WHOA!
>> UM, I THINK I WAS EXPLAINING
IT BETTER THAN HE WAS.
>> GECKO -- REAL HELP.
REAL MONEY.
>> ME-SA THINKS ME BROKE ME
BOMBAD SPINE!
DID -- DID THEY SAY CUT?
>> BOUNTY HUNTERS?
WE DON'T NEED THEIR SCUM.
>> MY BROTHER'S A BOUNTY HUNTER,
GARETH.
>> THERE WILL BE A SUBSTANTIAL
REWARD FOR WHOEVER CAPTURES THE
MILLENNIUM FALCON.
IS HE PAYING ATTENTION?
[ MECHANICAL BREATHING ]
[ HORN SOUNDS, CROWD CHEERING ]
>> CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED,
RIGHT, FELLAS?
GOT TO HUNT THAT BOUNTY, BUT THE
BOUNTY'S IN THE HUNT, I ALWAYS
SAY.
TRICKS OF THE TRADE, TRADE
SECRET -- DISINTEGRATION
DEVICES.
D-GUNS, D-BOMBS, D-MISSILES.
I'M THE DISINTEGRATION MACHINE.
WANT A GUY DISINTEGRATED, GET ME
INTEGRATED.
THAT'S DENGAR'S MOTTO.
>> I WANT THEM ALIVE.
NO DISINTEGRATIONS.
>> AS YOU WISH.
>> AW, SHUCKS.
SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE,
A-HOLE.
>> WHERE MY KEYS?
BEST BOUNTY HUNTER IN THE
LEAGUE.
>> BETTER STOP SOFT-SHOEING.
>> WE ARE BOUNTY HUNTERS!
>> I GOT TO SAY, BOBA, THIS IS
ONE BEAUTY OF A SHIP.
I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE NAME,
THOUGH.
I'VE MADE A DEAL THAT WILL KEEP
THE EMPIRE OUT OF OUR AFFAIRS
FOREVER.
>> [ ROARS ]
>> WE'D BE HONORED IF YOU COULD
JOIN US.
[ GRUMBLING ]
[ SLURPING ]
>> C-CAN I GET A LITTLE MORE
WATER?
>> WHAT?
>> NOTHING! [ CLEARS THROAT ]
I JUST ASKED FOR MORE WATER.
HMM?
>> KEEK!
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> PEOW!
>> [ BLOWING ]
>> [ IMITATES CREAKING ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> SO, HOW WE DOING?
LEIA, HOW'S THE SOUP?
YOU EVER HAD SOUP THIS GOOD?
>> YES, ON ALDERAAN.
>> HEY, PRINCESS, LET IT
G-O-O-O-O-O-O.
"OH, HELP ME.
WE'RE A PEACEFUL PLANET."
"YOU MAY FIRE WHEN READY."
KA-BO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OM!
BIG LASER.
[ IMITATES GUNFIRE ]
ALDERAAN CHUNKS EVERYWHERE.
PSHEEEEW!
>> ANYONE, UH -- ANYONE GOT A
JOKE?
>> I'VE GOT ONE.
WHO'S GOT TWO THUMBS AND
BETRAYED HIS BEST FRIEND?
THIS GUY!
[ LAUGHS ]
UH, TOO SOON?
>> WELL, IT'S BEEN A TIME AND A
HALF.
BUT -- [ YAWNS ]
LOT OF TORTURING TO DO.
A-BROO-BOO-BOO.
DO-DE-DA-LE-DO-DO.
AROOOO!
>> HI. HAVE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU
KNOW BEEN PERMANENTLY
HANDICAPPED BY A JEDI?
IF SO, CALL ME, BOB GOLDSTEIN,
AT NABOO-5-SUE-JEDI.
I'LL GET YOU THE MONEY YOU
DESERVE FAST.
I HAVE OVER 10 YEARS'
EXPERIENCE, AND I'M READY TO
WORK FOR YOU.
>> AT LAST WE WILL HAVE OUR
REVENGE.
>> YOU CALL NOW.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> I KNOW.
>> [ MOANS ]
>> THAT I DID NOT KNOW.
>> LEIA AND THE WOOKIEE MUST
NEVER AGAIN LEAVE THIS CITY.
>> THAT WAS NEVER A CONDITION OF
OUR ARRANGEMENT, NOR WAS GIVING
HAN TO THIS BOUNTY HUNTER.
>> I HAVE ALTERED THE DEAL.
PRAY I DON'T ALTER IT ANY
FURTHER.
>> THIS DEAL'S GETTING WORSE ALL
THE TIME.
>> FURTHERMORE, I WISH YOU TO
WEAR THIS DRESS AND BONNET.
>> THIS WAS NEVER A CONDITION OF
OUR ARRANGEMENT.
>> I HAVE ALTERED THE DEAL.
PRAY I DON'T ALTER IT ANY
FURTHER.
>> THIS DEAL'S GETTING WORSE ALL
THE TIME.
>> HERE IS A UNICYCLE.
YOU WILL RIDE IT WHEREVER YOU
GO.
>> WHAT? I'M NOT RIDING NO
[BLEEP] UNICYCLE!
>> I HAVE ALTERED THE DEAL.
PRAY I DON'T ALTER IT ANY
FURTHER.
>> THIS DEAL IS GETTING WORSE
ALL THE TIME!
>> ALSO, YOU ARE TO WEAR THESE
CLOWN SHOES AND REFER TO
YOURSELF AS MARY.
>> OH [BLEEP] YOU, MAN!
I'M NOT DOING IT!
>> I HAVE ALTERED THE DEAL.
PRAY I DON'T ALTER IT ANY
FURTHER.
>> THIS DEAL...
IS VERY FAIR, AND I'M HAPPY TO
BE A PART OF IT.
[ SHOE SQUEAKS ]
>> JOIN ME, AND TOGETHER WE CAN
RULE THE GALAXY AS FATHER AND
SON.
>> FATHER AND SON?
HUH.
>> ♪ THINK OF ALL THE TIME
WE WASTED ♪
♪ SO MANY PLANS WE NEVER MADE ♪
>> OKAY, DON'T LET GO.
DON'T LET GO, DAD.
DON'T -- DON'T LET GO.
I'M DOING IT!
WHOO!
I'M DOING IT!
DAD!
YEAH!
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY!
>> ♪ CRACK, JAM, TAKE IT DOWN,
SLAM IT ♪
♪ PICK IT BACK UP,
BUT DON'T FORGET TO RAM IT ♪
>> ♪ I MAKE THE ROUNDS,
THEN I DOUBLE BACK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M DOUBLING TWICE
AROUND ♪
♪ I MAKE THE ROUNDS,
THEN I DOUBLE BACK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M DOUBLING TWICE
AROUND ♪
♪ I MAKE THE ROUNDS ♪
>> FATHER AND SON.
WH-WH-AAAAAH!
>> AAH!
>> WHAT?
>> OH, I SAID, AAH, I CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS APARTMENT'S PRICED
SO LOW.
IT'S GOT A WASHER AND DRYER,
CENTRAL AIR.
>> WHAT DOES THIS DO?
>> YOU KNOW, I'M NOT QUITE SURE.
UH, GARBAGE DISPOSAL?
>> AAAH!
>> WELL, APPARENTLY IT DOES
NOTHING.
HOW'S THE CABLE IN THIS PLACE?
>> CRYSTAL CLEAR SATELLITE TV.
>> AAH! UGH!
>> [ SCOFFS ]
CLOUD CITY.
MORE LIKE CRAP CITY IF YOU ASK
ME.
>> I'LL HAVE THE CALAMARI.
>> WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE THE
INSENSITIVE BITCH, WITH A SIDE
OF [BLEEP] YOU.
>> AAAAAH!
HELLO!
MEANT TO DO IT.
>> THANK GOODNESS.
I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THIS
THOUSAND YEARS OF DIGESTION
ALONE.
HOW DID YOU FALL IN?
>> WHAT? FELL IN?
HA HA!
VOLUNTEERED, MORE LIKE IT.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT.
YOU WOULD'VE DUG IT THE MOST.
I WAS FLYING AROUND WITH MY JET
PACK, JUST SMOKIN' REBELS WITH
MY LASER.
BA-BOOM BA-BOOM BA-BOOM.
HAN SOLO WAS ALL, "HEY, WAIT."
AND I'M LIKE, "OH, I'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR THIS FOR A LONG
TIME, SOLO."
BA-BANG!
THE BIG, BAD WOOKIEE BE GROWLING
IN HELL NOW.
I EVEN PUT ONE BETWEEN
SKYWALKER'S EYES, RIGHT BETWEEN
THOSE PRETTY BABY BLUES.
BUT THEN JABBA THE HUTT WAS ALL,
"OH, NO, THIS GUY'S TOO BADASS,
MAN."
SO THEN 80 JEDI SHOWED UP.
I TOOK OUT ABOUT 67 OF THEM, BUT
THEN 20 DUDES FINALLY FLANKED
ME.
AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT,
KIDS?
IT'S BEEN REAL, DADDY-O, BUT I'M
NOT GIVING YOU THE PLEASURE."
SO I JUMPED INTO THE PIT MYSELF.
ON THE WAY DOWN, I WAS THINKING,
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LEFT 'EM A
PARTY FAVOR.
OH, I DID -- A THERMO DETONATOR
RIGHT UP THEIR ASS.
BA-BOOM!
>> OH, THAT'S AWESOME.
AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T GO OUT LIKE
A PUNK.
>> YEAH.
OH, 'CAUSE I LOOKED LIKE A
BADASS.
[ SNIFFLES ]
[ SOBBING ]
>> ARE YOU CRYING?
>> NO.
HUH?
THAT'S FUNNY.
[ SNIFFLES ]
DA-DA-DA DAAAAA-DA.
I'M OKAY.
>> WELCOME, MY MASTER.
THE DEATH STAR CONSTRUCTION --
>> YEAH, GREAT. FINE. WHATEVER.
THAT FLIGHT WAS A [BLEEP]
NIGHTMARE, MAN.
MY STUPID TRAY TABLE BROKE, AND
I ENDED UP WITH A GALLON OF
COFFEE IN MY CROTCH.
IT'S LIKE DUNKING MY WANG IN HOT
LAVA, SOMETHING YOU HAVE SOME
EXPERIENCE WITH, I GUESS, HUH?
RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> HA HA!
>> IS THAT YOURS?
>> NO, FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME,
THAT'S THAT SAME STUPID BLACK
BAG.
MINE DOESN'T HAVE A STRIPE.
IT'S LIKE THAT STRIPY BAG IS
MOCKING ME.
[BLEEP] YOU, STRIPY BAG.
WELL, MY SUITCASE IS GONE.
SACRIFICED TO THE AIRPORT GODS.
NOW I'M HERE FOR TWO [BLEEP]
WEEKS WITH ONE [BLEEP] ROBE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW IT'S STICKING TO
ME LIKE A WET KLEENEX.
WOW, FOR REAL?
YEAH, GUESS I'LL JUST BE KILLING
MYSELF, THEN.
GOOD CHAIR, GOOD CHAIR.
NICE LUMBAR SUPPORT.
GREAT VIEW OF...UTTER BLACKNESS.
[ AIR-CONDITIONING HUMMING ]
OH, FOR -- I'M RIGHT UNDER THE
AIR-CONDITIONING VENT.
AND THE CHAIR'S BOLTED TO THE
FLOOR?
WHO'S THE BRAINIAC --
HEY, CRAYOLA, HELP ME SHUT THIS
VENT.
YEAH, REACH UP THERE WITH YOUR
STAFF OF RA AND --
[ AIR GUSTING ]
HEY, WANT TO SEE ME TEMPT FATE?
COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?
I DID IT IRONICALLY, SO I THINK
I'M SAFE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PUT ME DOWN.
AAAAH!
[ CHICKENS CLUCKING "STAR WARS"
THEME ]
>> CONVENE ALL SHIPS ON ENDOR.
I WANT THE MOON OBLITERATED AND
THE REBELS WIPED FROM THE FACE
OF THE GALAXY.
>> SORRY, SIR.
ACTUALLY, WE CAN'T.
THE REBELS HAVE WON.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY WON?
WE HAVE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF
SHIPS.
WE -- WE CONTROL COUNTLESS
WORLDS.
WE HAVE MILLIONS OF TROOPS AT
OUR DISPOSAL.
>> BUT THEY JUST BLEW UP THE
SECOND DEATH STAR AND KILLED THE
EMPEROR.
>> SO?
>> SO, THAT MEANS THEY WON.
>> HOW DOES THAT MEAN THEY WON?
THEY BLEW UP THE FIRST DEATH
STAR YEARS AGO, AND THE FIGHTING
CONTINUED.
>> YES, BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL THE
EMPEROR.
THEY HAD TO DO BOTH.
>> WE CAN'T FIGHT BACK?
>> NO. SORRY.
THIS IS THE END OF THE EMPIRE.
>> REALLY?
>> YEAH, 'FRAID SO.
THAT'S IT, THEN.
>> WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
>> I GUESS WE CAN GO GET A
MASSAGE.
>> LET'S DO THAT.